Personal Notes from a Devine Wedding

I promise to write something political over the next couple of days. With Canada Day, T being in town from Florida, and R’s wedding on Friday…politics or any activity requiring heavy thinking had to be set aside.

I bought a gorgeous pair of orange and white wedge heels, with matching clutch; it was a tough decision to choose between the orange, or the blue. I love them, and that’s as heavy a political decision and statement as you’ll get at this time. Read on for more of the same…

.1. Don’t ever assume you know what time a wedding begins, if you have 6 other weddings that same summer. Not only did I miss the entire ceremony, but almost missed the first 1.5 hours of the wedding reception. No surprise, my loyalty to R was the butt of all jokes for the duration of the evening.

.2. In Lanark, on my way to my B & B, I ran across two ‘Turtle Crossing’ signs (honestly!). I called B in Toronto and then R & E in Montreal because I was in desperate need of some City speak, and it was then that I realized I had turned into a character out of an HBO City-centric television show.

.3. Believe it or not, I woke up Saturday morning to the smell of fresh berry-filled pancakes. I love my B & B.

.4. When R and B made their grand entrance, they were walking so fast I thought we were in a race and had to control myself to not start running alongside them and looking over my shoulder.

.5. I adore Mr. Bob Wells. This is R’s stepfather who I last saw at R’s M.A. graduation, and with whom I had the most brilliant political discussion (which is no surprise considering the man is a former Supreme Court judge in Newfoundland). He has a way of making me feel like I’m worth 10,000,000 dollars; the women in his life are lucky ladies, indeed. He dances the ‘simple’ 4-step fox trot when he doesn’t want to over exert you…not too many men like that left in this world (sadly). His speech made the men cry; most of us were trying to transcribe it so that we could pass it on to our own fathers when our time came.

My dad will undoubtedly begin with one of the following two lines:
“She can’t cook…” &/or “It’s about time.”

.6. Newfies dance in a very unique manner; they stomp a lot and clap just as much. Beautiful A does it perfectly. Her husband and I coined this form of dance, the A-Hop. As soon as I got on the dance floor, I got it. I caught the disease and couldn’t control myself. The A-Hop is fun. I was trying to do it all the way back to my B & B, while driving. Not the coolest thing, but it was late and dark and no one was there to laugh at me.

.7. There was a guy who kept high-fiving his girlfriend. His girlfriend was exceptionally uncomfortable, glancing at the rest of us girls every time his hand crept upwards, waiting for her basketball-like response.

Note to men: Don’t ever high-five your girlfriends. Really, there’s just nothing cool about that high-five. It’s a locker room thing and your girlfriends are not a part of that world. Unless you plan on putting us in a headlock if we don’t high-five you back, we beseech you to keep your damn hands at your sides.

.8. One really smarmy man was at the wedding, there with his “girlfriend” but possessing the stupidity to hit on me every time that poor girl turned her face for seconds. At one point, she had to pry herself away from his gross suffocating grip to head over to the toilettes. He actually sidled up to me and said ‘she’s not really my girlfriend’ with a smarmy smirk.

Erm. Ok. Thank god for A’s husband Ryan who is a hulk of a protective man.

Note to men 2: Don’t be smarmy. Ever. Especially around a woman who looks like she may possess half a brain. She will embarrass you and mock you on her blog.

Smarmy is lucky my camera refused to take a photo of him.

.9. There was a dude at the wedding wearing a bowtie.

Note to men 3: Don’t wear a bowtie. Ever. There is only one appropriate time to wear a bowtie and that is when you’re posing for the cover of a pop-corn box. If you have a bowtie, please stop reading and go burn it. Women burned their bras in the 60s and 70s, you can burn your bowtie in the 20-00s.

.10. One of the speeches at the wedding was given by a lovely woman…until she said “…about a year ago, we were all sitting around wondering when would we have that beautiful ring around our fingers? When would we be lucky enough to get married? *pause, look at audience with big innocent eyes* I’m happy to let you know that now…we’re all lucky enough to be married…” or some such stupid Bridget Jones inducing statement.

Thanks, Mrs. Stepford: all of the singletons at the wedding had visions of either egging you, rolling you in the parking lot, or simply crying themselves to sleep that night.

I laughed at her and then looked around for a man on a white horse. None to be found.

.11. The Best Escape Award goes to Aussie F. Having been dragged on to the dance floor to dance do the A-Hop to something by The Great Big Sea, or Great Big C, or whatever…as soon as her partner turned away, she actually bounded off the dance floor and on to the balcony, in step to the song. In her heels. In her dress. To have a cigarette.

Note to you: Cigarettes’ll make a girl do funny things.