Mobile & Soap Personal Notes
.1. My mobile is on the fritz. You can call me and my voice mail will pick up immediately; feel free to leave a message or simply crank call me to hear my voice. I know you want to.
Many of us have had some variation of the following conversation:
Me: Hello.
You: Hey Maha.
Me: Hi, where are you?
You: On my way to the store.
Me: I just bought the nicest pair of heels.
You: Hello.
Me: But I shouldn’t have. But I did.
You: Maha?
Me: Hello.
You: MAHA.
Me: Why are you yelling at me? *pause* They’re really nice shoes.
You: I can hardly hear you. Where are you?
Me: The shoes are beige satin and black velvet.
You: You keep cutting out.
Me: With straps. *pause* Can you hear me now?
You: slaps?
Me: STRAPS.
You: MAHA.
It is at this point in the conversation that I have hang up on you and ogled my new shoes.
Rather than recognizing that I was having difficulties with my mobile, nearly 98% of those surveyed assumed that I had taken up beep-boxing as a hobby.
Note to self: Consider learning how to (a) beep-box; and, (b) do the worm, for may come in handy at next party.
Reality is that my voice transmitter / what I speak into when I am talking on the mobile / that thing at the end of my mobile and next to my mouth is not working. At the moment, my mobile is off and will remain so for the next couple of days, until Bell sends me my new phone (excellent warranty). As mentioned earlier, I check my voice mail often so call. Leave a message. Say hello. Tell me a joke. Do not send me text messages.
As soon as my new mobile has arrived and all is in order, will let you know.
.2. Today is a sad day because they killed Tamer (allah yir7amu). On the Egyptian soap opera. On the night of his khutuba (mabrook) to wife no 2 (7umar!), he got stabbed while on the dance floor in the bar while his first wife (who he truly loved) was at home in the new 7ara and pregnant (yeee!)…estranged from her old life because she married him without anyone knowing (but they went to a ma2zoon, and had two witnesses, alhamdulilah) and so her mom had to leave the old 7ara and put up her warsha for rent (ya 7aram) and move to this 7ara where no one knows her and her pregnant and married / but not really daughter (ya oh my ya waradi) because ba3deen 3eeb.
And the moral of the story is: Don’t dance in bars, or someone will stab you and you will die and leave behind an unborn child who your mother already hates.
Note to self: Consider writing an Arabic soap opera…something like: Protagonist goes to the beach without their dad’s knowledge, and they get eaten by a shark but then their mom has to lie about how the protagonist died for the rest of her life for fear of angering the protagonist’s dad, while she’s making fresh bread, and she gets a divorce because of main character’s mistake and the family looses all of its money in the tea industry and the older sister becomes a trashy actress who takes drugs and the guy down the street from protagonist’s family home gets hit by a car and protagonist burns in hell ALL BECAUSE they went to the beach and died without telling their dad.
Note to self 2: Tamer Hagras can play all characters in my script.
.3. As Tamer would say: Tizba7u 3ala kheer.
Many of us have had some variation of the following conversation:
Me: Hello.
You: Hey Maha.
Me: Hi, where are you?
You: On my way to the store.
Me: I just bought the nicest pair of heels.
You: Hello.
Me: But I shouldn’t have. But I did.
You: Maha?
Me: Hello.
You: MAHA.
Me: Why are you yelling at me? *pause* They’re really nice shoes.
You: I can hardly hear you. Where are you?
Me: The shoes are beige satin and black velvet.
You: You keep cutting out.
Me: With straps. *pause* Can you hear me now?
You: slaps?
Me: STRAPS.
You: MAHA.
It is at this point in the conversation that I have hang up on you and ogled my new shoes.
Rather than recognizing that I was having difficulties with my mobile, nearly 98% of those surveyed assumed that I had taken up beep-boxing as a hobby.
Note to self: Consider learning how to (a) beep-box; and, (b) do the worm, for may come in handy at next party.
Reality is that my voice transmitter / what I speak into when I am talking on the mobile / that thing at the end of my mobile and next to my mouth is not working. At the moment, my mobile is off and will remain so for the next couple of days, until Bell sends me my new phone (excellent warranty). As mentioned earlier, I check my voice mail often so call. Leave a message. Say hello. Tell me a joke. Do not send me text messages.
As soon as my new mobile has arrived and all is in order, will let you know.
.2. Today is a sad day because they killed Tamer (allah yir7amu). On the Egyptian soap opera. On the night of his khutuba (mabrook) to wife no 2 (7umar!), he got stabbed while on the dance floor in the bar while his first wife (who he truly loved) was at home in the new 7ara and pregnant (yeee!)…estranged from her old life because she married him without anyone knowing (but they went to a ma2zoon, and had two witnesses, alhamdulilah) and so her mom had to leave the old 7ara and put up her warsha for rent (ya 7aram) and move to this 7ara where no one knows her and her pregnant and married / but not really daughter (ya oh my ya waradi) because ba3deen 3eeb.
And the moral of the story is: Don’t dance in bars, or someone will stab you and you will die and leave behind an unborn child who your mother already hates.
Note to self: Consider writing an Arabic soap opera…something like: Protagonist goes to the beach without their dad’s knowledge, and they get eaten by a shark but then their mom has to lie about how the protagonist died for the rest of her life for fear of angering the protagonist’s dad, while she’s making fresh bread, and she gets a divorce because of main character’s mistake and the family looses all of its money in the tea industry and the older sister becomes a trashy actress who takes drugs and the guy down the street from protagonist’s family home gets hit by a car and protagonist burns in hell ALL BECAUSE they went to the beach and died without telling their dad.
Note to self 2: Tamer Hagras can play all characters in my script.
.3. As Tamer would say: Tizba7u 3ala kheer.
posted by just a girl at 9:11 PM
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