Crushed by the news that Nic & Tom split? Wish you could possess Angelina's siren ways? Convinced the only reason George hasn’t married again is because he’s not had the pleasure of meeting you (no matter the man you are
dating)?
Recently, British scientists at the University of Leicester offered up an actual term for the fun and good times many of us spend listening to 'news reports' from E! Online, Entertainment Tonight, and Star. They have labelled it
Celebrity Worship Syndrome, a bona fide disorder.
Laid out are the following symptoms as reflected in the affliction’s level (mild, moderate, and absolute loon). As though most of us don’t have enough problems as is, now one in every three of us are also officially "afflicted" (Congratulations!).
Out of an approximate 700 individuals studied, the
mildly afflicted were the most numerous (but afflicted nonetheless), coming in at 250 (Bravo!, I say). These individuals are usually quite extroverted and rather chatty and engaging in their love of celebrity. Most annoying about the mildly afflicted is their inclination to hijack any conversation so as to insert a reference about their chosen celebrity of worship. As you tell your girlfriends about your upcoming trip to South Africa as a volunteer with a non-profit organization working with HIV infected children, this girl will inform you that “Like, Oh My GOD! Matthew McConaughey was JUST in the jungle and he totally loved it! Am certain you’ll have a brilliant time,
like him! Is the jungle near where you’re going? Pass me the dip, please.” This girl rang you in hysterics when Jude and Sadie broke up “…because they just seemed like the perfect couple, and if they can’t make it, HOW CAN [SHE]?”
I advise that, where possible, you tell this girl to get some semblance of a life, possibly writing scripts, performing stand up, or pursuing a job as a Producer. She may as well make both good use of, and good money from her charm and mild affliction. I would also advise that you not take her home for the holidays.
The second echelon came in at an astounding 155 of the 700 studied. This is where things get a wee bit weird and the creeps start coming out of the woodwork. The
moderately afflicted believe they have some form of personal relationship with their celebrity of choice. It is this girl who refers to “the correspondence [she is] having with Matt Damon” when she is in fact referring to the 17 signed photos she holds of him (which she requested, via his fan club). This girl, although somewhat social, doesn’t have all that many friends and would rather stay home watching him on The Late Show than come out for dinner.
I advise that you steer clear of this girl because if you accidentally spill your cola on her People Magazine, she shall berate you for your insensitivity since “…this is the one with the photo of Matt reading my letter. I recognize the 8.5 x 11 inch white paper that I wrote my letter on!” Remember, the moderately afflicted are likely on a slippery slope to the third and most troubling of stages in this affliction.
The third tier, that of the
absolute loon, was found among only 15 of the 700 studied. These freaks feel they genuinely “have a special bond with their celebrity, believe their celebrity knows them and are prepared to lie or even die for their hero.” This girl is the one who was found in Brad Pitt’s bedroom, wearing his clothes and rolling around on his bed. This girl is nothing short of a pathological stalker for she is solitary, impulsive, anti-social, insensitive and “troublesome”.
If you are seated next to this girl at the next showing of The Saint, she is likely to start yelling (while crying) at those seated in front because “[they] are assholes for talking while VAL’S ON THE SCREEN”, then I strongly encourage you to run, move and change both your e-mail address and your telephone number.
Some academics blame celebrity mania for robbing us of dignity, contaminating our motivations and manipulating and neglecting our goals and priorities. What they fail to recognize is that this ‘mania’ is not brought on by celebrity, rather celebrity is brought on by this mania. For us to conclude otherwise would allow us to relinquish our will and power to overcome the mania.
Among the reasons for this new disorder is the decline in extended families and communities. When many of us are sad, we no longer turn to our neighbour, sister or friend. Instead, we rent a film or pick up US in order to escape our lives. We have actively shifted our focus away from all that we once held dear and have instead chosen to fixate on items beyond our reach, people of no real consequence in our lives, ideas and memories that do not belong to our own individually and exquisitely lived lives.
By our own hand, many of us turn to celebrities to escape our otherwise 'normal' lives; lives rendered 'normal' only because our counterpart, the celebrity, appears to live in the world of glamour and excitement. You may look at Keanu Reeves and think he has the perfect life, believing that were you to become a part of it, that perfection would somehow make you a much happier individual.
I hate to be the one who breaks this to you, but chances are that Keanu’s life is probably a mess. Considering the lifestyle, I would not be surprised to learn that the word ‘trust’ is not afforded much luxury in their regular lexicon. The few who qualify as celebrities exist in a realm where nothing is real, where relationships are plastic and where they are always wondering ‘Do they like me for who I am or for what I represent? The money I have? The people I know?’ What an ugly scenario that is, and what a terribly lonely place it must be.
Does this mean I feel sorry for celebrity? For some, I most definitely do…but only those I
perceive as being conflicted about the world in which they live. I believe these ones are uncertain of whether they even want celebrity status, and some of them may actively turn away from it should they receive it.
As if never standing on solid ground weren’t enough, imagine the lack of privacy and solitude when one can not touch their lover intimately in public lest it be caught on camera. Worse still, there are those celebrities who refuse to even
become involved for fear it may translate poorly on their career. In this society, Celebrity equals fantasy and much of that is rooted in sexuality; to be married or otherwise involved usually means that potential (i.e. Celebrity bedding
you) no longer exists. Many in Hollywood are coached to lie when asked such questions, told to offer three simple sound bytes: I am single, I am straight, and I am in search of true love.
Do you really want a part of that life?
Granted, there are some celebrities who refuse to toe this line. For the most part, these are the ones who remain close to their families and old friends, and are fiercely loyal to themselves, their ideals and their principles. Should they fall in love, they would not fear it nor be ashamed of it because they hold enough confidence in themselves and their acting ability to let it stand on its own (isn’t that why they are thesps, anyway; out of love for the art itself?).
But what do I know, I’ve never dated a Celebrity.
It is crucial to recognise that we live at a time where interest in religion is wanting, where the heavens are of no real use or concern and are no longer inhabited by Zeus or Allah. It was God who once helped many of us 'get through', a role that many of us have now extended to and honour celebrities with. It is by no coincidence that we call celebrities 'Stars'.
And so for this reason, I ask you to relinquish your love of celebrity, if only for this next month. Next you want to visit your favourite celebrity’s web site, rent his movie, or watch Entertainment Tonight, STOP! Instead, ring up your best friend and ask her out for coffee, take a hot bath and consider where you will next vacation, volunteer with a local charity organization, list all of your dreams and goals, bake a cake and leave it with your neighbour, pay attention to your little girl and the man in your bed. Ultimately, channel the interest you hold in the lives of celebrity into your own life, because
celebrity is the counterfeit of your exquisite and unique life.
Labels: Celebrity
