Was I Flippant Toward You? (I Lied!)

I recently denied something of myself; I behaved and pretended as though I were flippant, when in fact, I have never possessed the capacity to be superficial about any emotion experienced…real and immediate, or the potential of.

I have always been crazed with the necessity to appear strong and unbreakable; anything but the reality of me, which is vulnerable (a characteristic that’s only ever been recognized by one individual).

I don’t – nor do I want to – have the ability of living a life of moderation; feeling in moderation, wanting in moderation, loving and hating in moderation. These things don’t become me; I prefer and find pleasure in the tension brought into my life by excessive emotion. I would feel too much and hurt too much, rather than wallow in the numbness of feeling only a little.

The situation I faced was unique for many reasons and on many levels...not least of all, the player involved. This time, unlike any other time, I chose protection and so made flippancy the veil behind which I hid.

& frankly, it doesn’t matter - nor do I care - how the other party felt, if anything at all. I’m enough of a narcissist not to give a shit.

More melodrama tomorrow! (Not really…I’ll spare you the agony of my terrible grammar.)

Greetings from NYC

Have just completed another week of work outside of Ottawa; uneventful as usual, but work went well (although cutting into holiday time). Except for today, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous.

Came in to NYC at a little past 6 and the city is drenched in rain remnants from Rita (or as E is saying ‘fucking Rita’). She keeps hitting me in the head with her umbrella and so I’m left with no choice but to say ‘fucking E’. Lucky for her I can find the humor in anything...

In the airport, I saw Roch Voisine. Of all the airports in all the…

Also, Booker Sim was on my flight. He just completed working on a documentary about Canada's Security Certificates with Alexandre Trudeau. He is now completing work on Tragedy: The Story of Queensbridge...which is really quite a nice coincidence because I think Khadafi is one of this generation's rap geniuses. Graciously, he offered to send me a copy of the documentary when it is completed. Should it hit a festival in either Ottawa or Montreal, will post.

Our apartment is gorgeous and clean and in a perfect part of NYC, only moments away from the Met (on foot!).

Considering I haven’t vacationed since…a couple of weeks ago…this should be a real treat.

xoxo

Kim Coates @ TIFF

While there, met several interesting actors; my favorite run in was with Kim Coates. He’s a Saskatchewan boy currently making a Cronenberg (spelling?) film about werewolves. We sat together for a good 20 minutes and killed ourselves laughing from start to finish. I honestly don’t understand why he’s not done comedy up until this point, as he is hilarious. He actually had me doubled over in fits of hysteria, with tears rolling down my face.

He’s married with two daughters and so you should all get your minds out of the gutter…

Google him, and watch his films, he’s worth it…if for no other reason than he was genuinely wonderful company.

Librarian

Removed...because you have the direct links instead!

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