As previously mentioned, T & M are in London at the moment; they leave for Glasgow soon, but I promised them the Maha’s Top 10 Things To Do While in London. Well…it is unconventional and it is fun and it is typically of my taste and imagination. And it’s also newly titled: Maha’s 35 Things To Do In London (so I’m a little long-winded…).

Feel free to follow all 35 should the fancy slap you across the face…Just make certain you tell me about it.

.1. Go down to the City Centre at 7 a.m. and sit at any corner to watch the employment traffic pass by. There is a different pace and feel than North America, and you really should see it at least once.

I dare you to not have a coffee.

.2. On any given morning, and only if it’s raining, visit the Bunhill Fields Cemetery at 38 City Road. The neon green of the growth on the headstones is in direct contrast to the City’s shades of grey. For a place where death sits, it’s filled with colour.

.3. Watch the buskers in Covent Market.

.4. Buy a tanga from Coco de Mer (23 Monmouth St. Phone: 020 7836 8882).

.5. Buy one painfully overpriced vintage piece of clothing from any shop on Monmouth St. (Have sushi while there; there’s a sushi restaurant with a revolving table…very communal and yummy.)

.6. Whenever and wherever possible, eat Caffé Nero’s biscotti. The location I most frequent and which I love is in Covent Garden, at a roundabout at 30 Monmouth St.

When ordering from Nero, recall:
Small, med, large = Small, reg, grande
Take out = Take away
Bowl = Cup

.7. Visit and make fun of the hideous and psychotically overpriced handbags at Bracher Emden (Unit 9G, N17 Studios, 784/792 The High Road. Phone: 0208 801 4967). All of the celebrities purchase these, and they serve as a direct explanation for why these idiots require stylists.

.8. Don’t give a shit about Harrod’s.

.9. At the Pret-A-Manger located at the corner of St. Martin & Garreck St, eat a tuna nicoise salad wrap, sit on the bench by the window and people-watch.

.8. Watch a sun rise while seated on the benches atop Primrose Hill. Yawn really loudly while joggers race by. If you see Johnny Lee Miller, give him my mobile number (even if this means you must run after him…). Do tell him am pretty.

.9. Visit Sylvia Plath’s house (3 Chalcut Square). Stand outside and press your face against the window; the current residents of the house look funny when they’re scared.

.10. Eat Apricot & Chicken Tagine at The Mediterranean Kitchen (50 St Martin’s Lane). You will go through the roof. While there, attempt to set their menu on fire, as I did. This was an accident but makes for an interesting evening should you be dining alone.

.11. From the Camden Market, buy something bohemian (I bought a patched flower dress) that will only look appealing while you are on vacation. You will never wear it outside of the UK, but will show it to friends and say: “I bought it at Camden.”

If you must buy something to wear, buy a Che t-shirt.

.12. Drop by the Starbuck’s by Camden Locks. Smell the air. ‘Tis putrid.

.13. Buy used jeans from the Stables Market; if you can find it, buy a vintage Charlie’s Angels t-shirt as well (I did!).

.14. See the chandelier at the London Central Mosque. Buy books from their library.

.15. While at Stables, search for the nude mannequin & wheel chair display. It’s so hideous people find it beautiful. (I pointed and laughed.)

Also, visit Velvet Illusion of London, because it’s totally groovy, baby.

.16. Go behind Stables Market; am certain folks are murdered there regularly. Make sure the sun is shining when you go…

.17. Get lost on the tube.

.18. Lunch (I recommend the fillet of bass) at The French House (Soho: 49 Dean St) and then have your dessert at Patisserie Valerie (Soho: 44 Old Compton St). Learn to become comfortable when seated North-American-style-painfully-close-to-people-you-don’t-know.

.19. Pay through your nose and see a movie at the cinema, because really: You don’t need to put your children through university.

.20. At Westminster Abbey, pay tribute to D.H. Lawrence, Lord Byron, Dylan Thomas, Lord Tennyson & Robert Browning. And then recall: You have absolutely no talent compared to these geniuses.

.21. While at Westminster, find the red flag: The Order of the Dragon and try to understand why it broke my heart to see it.

.22. Go to Pall Mall St in the evening and look up at the apartments; the chandeliers that line this street could cover the debt of all 3rd world countries. (My favourite was at 71 Pall Mall St.)

.23. Have a drink at London’s oldest village inn: The Red Lion in Crown Abbey.

.24. Only visit Madame Tussauds to walk through the live serial killer chamber. Do it alone; You will wet yourself, I promise.

.25. Look both ways before you cross the street. Seriously.

.26. Find an Irishman and tell him you prefer the Irish to the Brits; Find a Scotsman and do the same. (Preferably not while they are both at the same table.)

.27. See the statue outside of 8 Pilgrim’s Lane in Hampstead.

.28. While in Hampstead, try not to lose your footing on the cobblestone sidewalks. Have some crepes while there (must purchase from a street vendor!).

.29. While eating fish & chips held together by newspaper, hang out with the Rastafarians at Paddington Market. They’re playing the best music in town.

.30. Also while at Paddington Market, purchase flowers and fabrics. It’s a must; you won’t be able to help yourself because you will be overcome by the colours and lushness of that which surrounds you.

.31. Get on a double decker bus and refuse to sit anywhere but the front seat on the 2nd floor. Make a fuss, if you must, just get that seat. Then, everytime the bus comes to a stop, or rounds a corner, yell “Whoa Nelly!”

.32. Have soup and a sandwich at The Gallery Café by Bethnal Green Station.

.33. Visit with the pelicans at St. James’ Park lake.

.34. From Agent Provocateur, purchase a bra to match your Coco de Mer tanga.

.35. Think of me.

.36. Visit Berkeley Square in Mayfair district, before walking around and enjoying the neighbourhood.

.37. While in Mayfair, drop in to The Punch Bowl for dinner – if for no other reason than because they have London’s friendliest waitress. (You were working there on March 22nd, 2010 – you were lovely!)

.38. Have dinner at the Anchor & Hope gastro-pub. Order their side of greens; it will reshape your ‘of cabbage’ world view.

.39. Take the time to enjoy the ride on the London Eye, and make certain to not miss out on the 4-D after-show.

.40. Graze at the Brick Lane Food Hall.

.41. Buy a teacup from Vintage Heaven at 82 Columbia Road, before sliding into the back and having a piece of cake from The Cakehole Cafe (as in “…shut your…”).

.42. Buy flowers from the Columbia Road Flower Market.

.43. Buy a t-shirt from a-non Clothing at 26 Cheshire Street.

.44. Say hello to Desi at the only vintage shop which sells working jukeboxes. Ask him about his boxing days.

.45. Enjoy Broadway Market & Brick Lane Market & the Hackney City Farm and forget anything exists beyond London Town.

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