22 Memories From Denver

So a wee bit about my trip to Denver, in point form so as to facilitate quick and easy retrieval of nonsense. But first, here are the three gorgeous men I got to hang out with all week (From left: Major, Rock, me, Homer):

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This is a clearer photo of Major (he’s the hottie on the left). On the right is none other than Guy Smiley (I knew he was real!):

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I’ll post a bigger one of Homer once his hair takes a nap.

Here are the most memorable moments from the trip (and it goes without saying: the simple fact of the matter is that I loved being swaddled by my family, and so in reality, every moment was memorable):

.1. Learning how to properly carry a kitty (& then cuddling with it). Quickly noting that it’s not a good idea to kiss said kitty while am wearing lip-gloss.

.2. Staring at water immersed snail eggs for so long that I almost hurled.

.3. Listening to my cousin Homer tell us he wants to move to a ranch (has no one informed him that he’s an Arab?).

.4. Listening to my cousin Homer argue. About everything and anything under the sun and over his hair. (I love you, baby.)

.5. Trying to purchase these particular stay-ups in the U.S. of A.



I hear that stay-ups are the devil’s playground and so perhaps this is why one won’t find them easily in the bible thumping areas. Everywhere I went, they only had regular hose (the kind that you can pull up to your chin, for fun. But I've never done that. Cus. That would be weird.) and those hose (heh) make me claustrophobic and wanting to freak out. And it was cold. But I went bare legged. But...it was really cold.

.6. Trying to purchase stamps in the U.S. of A. (watch the sales people twitch).

“Stamps to some place outside of America?” That’s what you use to send mail to Terrorists. That means “No, sorry we don’t have any stamps except ones for inside of This Great Country Of Ours. Oh Say Can You See The Brown Dude in Aisle Three…”

.7. The realization that my family’s single-handedly supporting the war on Iraq. (Because they own five SUVs). I too supported the war while there, because I ogled each one of the SUVs.

.8. Trying not to hyperventilate while clawing at the side of a cliff with Homer on one side and Major on the other; both telling me I was going to be “just fine even if you fall the 15 feet. You know? You may have a better chance if you just run down the cliff.”

Isn't it sweet that my cousins think I'm Gumbi?

.9. Watching women react to my cousins Major & Rock. YIKES! I knew they were hot. I mean, I always knew they were gorgeous young alpha males, but I never actually encountered the salivating female populace that springs open at the sheer smile of either of these men.

.10. People still thinking that cocaine is cool. They’re easy to pick out in a crowd (just look for the ones with an L sign plastered to their forehead). Try having a conversation with them; They’re your general donkeys.

.11. Watching N.E.R.D.’s unrated “Lapdance” video in a bar filled with nasty men.

.12. Partying like it’s 1999. Literally. Major & Rock took me out on both Friday and Saturday night and I was transported back to university. On one hand, I can count the number of times I've been to a "disco" (thanks mom!) in the last 8 years (bachelorette parties & one birthday party). At none of these, did I dance. On Saturday night, I couldn't stop dancing. And not even on the dance floor. Just in this random spot. I love being a nerd.

.13. “Dancing” with Major. I still don’t know what that was. (I love you too, baby.)

.14. Discovering I have a porno face. Unlike Gerry’s porno mouth, I have a face that was caught on camera, by accident. I was blowing a kiss to Homer; there’s a delay on my camera >> and the camera caught me post kiss, pre closed mouth. I should walk around with that expression on my face >> maybe then I’ll get a date.

No. You won’t see the photo but I do have it. I couldn’t bring myself to delete it because apparently, she’s a real girl. Lucky is the man…

Just kidding, mom! (That’s only in case she ever finds this blog’s url.)

.15. Waiting (& crying) at home for Prada, Rock’s kitty-cat. I accidentally let her out (thought the door was closed, but it wasn’t) and waited with baited breath for approximately three hours until she came home. I thought the coyotes ate her.

.16. Rock’s Saturday night monologue(s). (And loving you makes three, baby.)

.17. Failing miserably while Ricky Garcia was attempting to teach me the Meringue. He doesn’t give up easily, but I knew he’d thrown in the towel when he offered “You’re a beautiful girl. You can dance whatever and it’ll still be cool.”

At first, I thought this was a compliment, but have since wondered: do I spaz out while dancing? Does being pretty cover the tragedy of my dance moves?

Shall videotape myself and get back to you on this. Am now completely freaked out am one of the women who thinks she’s got rhythm but is just a true sorrow to watch.

.18. Did you know that there are bullets that can be shot through 6 feet of solid steel and still remain on course for 2 miles post exit wound? Well. If you didn’t know that, and you are someday seated across from Homer, you’re best to know “not to argue with [him] ‘cus you’ll just lose. Dude.”

.19. Learning that Zenga’s is probably never a viable option.

.20. Going for a ‘scenic drive’ with Major where ‘scenic’ was half an hour, and ‘drive’ was an hour and a half. I was dizzy & thank God we have senses of humor.

.21. Staring at Homer’s hair as he walks. It’s some kind of wonder, dude.

.22. Not requiring sleep.