The Time My Uncle Dragged Me Across The Street And Then Laughed At Me

But first, you must read this entry by Cadeaux because it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.

Back to the actual entry (sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this other half of the original ‘Don’t Do It Alone’).

One evening, my uncle decided to run out and pick up some movies for us. It was freezing cold and whereas his wife decided to stay home and warm, I volunteered to weather…the weather…with him.

I was bundled up but still cold. And it was slippery. And I linked my arm through my uncle’s arm ‘cus he’s a big strong man who would block the wind from my face, if I positioned my face just so behind his shoulder and let him lead.

What I didn’t count on was that the freezing ass cold would render my uncle some sort of deaf guy who had to run rather than walk. And I’m sure I mentioned it was slippery, but just in case I didn’t: It was slippery.

We were standing facing the street and although there were no cars coming, my uncle started to run across the street (with me still linked to his arm, because he possessed some weird death grip capabilities with his bicep and I couldn’t pull away no matter how hard I tried).

I distinctly remember that he was smiling. But it was cold (& slippery) so maybe his face was just frozen.

As soon as he stepped off the sidewalk and on to the street, I slipped.

It was a strange subtle fall. I didn’t actually tumble forward or anything; but, rather, my knees sort of went all weird and before I knew it, my feet were both behind me instead of being proper and being beneath me. I blame my uncle.

He was running. With me attached to his arm, bumping along sideways because I couldn’t pull my feet up fast enough. I was also 23, so it’s not like I was a small child where this sort of thing could go unnoticed. (Couldn’t he tell he was dragging my full weight?)

As I was being dragged across the street, I kept repeating “I fell”, but my uncle was ignoring me and smiling that crazy frozen smile and just RUNNING away from NO CARS.

When we crossed the six lanes, he finally stopped running and noticed that I was sort of dangling off his arm. He stopped and asked “What are you doing? Why are you like that?” Because I still hadn’t managed to pull my feet up and place them beneath me, I was positioned sort of sideways and farther down than he’d remembered, staring up at him and laughing like a maniac.

It took him a while to figure out what had happened and then he stood back and laughed at me and my dirty jeans.

OH MY GOD this story’s made me remember The Time I Waved At A Friend in Southam Hall And Tobogganed Down The Stairs Because I Had To Look Up To Wave At Her And I Missed The First Step And My Best Friend Just Laughed At Me And Took Off. And also the time I Fell In The Middle Of The World Exchange Plaza And Everyone Stopped Drinking Their Cappuccinos To See Me Do Just That (& Still They Didn’t Care). Will have to blog about them soon.