I am sitting in the Airport, traumatised (and without spell check, so forgive my errors). Since some idiots tried to bomb something or else, I AM GOING TO SUFFER.
I will be working for the next two weeks and looking like hell because…
The took away my:
– contact lense solution
– hair gel
– perfume (Escada Rockin’ Rio)
– TOOTHPASTE (because I may scrub someone clean to death?)
– $60 of mascara which I just purchased in Montreal (Lancome!!!!!!!!!!)
– (brace yourselves) LIP GLOSS. I have NO lip gloss because they took both of them away from me. I actually said “What are you doing? Look at the size of my mouth, how can you leave me without lip gloss???? If someone were to take away your gel, wouldn’t you be upset? With your hair?” because he had a full throttle pompodor. Things must LIVE in his hair, isn’t THAT a security threat?
What the fuck? Honestly? What could I have possibly done with the above while in flight; I’m not McGyver, or McCgiver, or MaCgiver. The most I would have done is made people pretty? And clean?
They didn’t take away my floss, but I offered it. He turned it down, he kept refusing to take it. The one thing I would have gladly given up in the name of ‘security’, and he kept turning me down. Damn them. And damn my floss, Crest super glide.
And here’s where things got ugly. The security guy was eyeing my kohl. This is a middle eastern steel tube with kohl inside, which my grandmother gave to my mother who then gave it to me. He was staring at it and I started panicing, or maybe I was panicking? Anyway, he was eyeing it, then looking at me, then eyeing it, then looking at me some more and I must have looked like I was either going to pass out or start crying because he mumbled
“I’m sorry. What’s in here? I have to take it away.”
“NO! It’s my grandmother!”
“It’s middle eastern style kohl, see, look at how it goes in my eye. There’s nothing harmful in it, you can’t take it away. TAKE MY FLOSS INSTEAD. I’M GOING TO LEBANON ON A US OR UK HELICOPTER YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME MY KOHL TAKE MY FLOSS TAKE IT.”
…he let me keep it, and I’m quite certain he thinks am a bona fide mental handicap. But that’s ok, ‘cus I won!
I’m still a little hysterical. This is why I am ALL CAPPING.