Do you have to write crappy poetry and tear pages off to leave behind as a trail of where you’ve been?!

I think I need to sit down. Though I’d probably blend into that Whore Red ottoman.

Mon Oct 09, 11:51:00 AM
Uzi said…
I feel for you Maha.

There was this awesome lamp at Ikea I really wanted for a long time and when I actually went there to buy it, through a maze of buses and trains, they told me they had none in stock. I was so stoked about it and certain that no one had cuddled with a lamp, that I asked for the display model. They said that they don’t sell display models. I had a stupid conversation with someone there too. Then I stormed out, which was possible because I had been to that branch many a times, but I understand your situation.

have you tried making a chair like it? I can send you a few Chinese kids in need of work if you want. Can you cook to feed them? Cuz I don’t think they’ll like Burger King much. Tell me what you think, I can have them to you on the next trailer from China to Canada.

Mon Oct 09, 03:09:00 PM
Anonymous said…
LOL Maha! I’ve gotten lost in IKEA sooo many times it’s not even funny. I get so relieved when I stumble upon the cafeteria in my confusion (“at least I won’t starve to death if I never find my way out…”).
I’ll look out for the cameras next time :p

Good luck on the chair hunt! I’m sure you’ll find the perfect one, with matching non-slutty footrest.

Sarah

Mon Oct 09, 07:36:00 PM
Tommy of The Gays said…
LOL I hate IKEA too! They make it so you totally can’t get out, they’re all bitches that create that ‘matrix’. LOVE this post!

Tommy of The Gays

Mon Oct 09, 08:07:00 PM
Lisa said…
LOL!
…and don’t take the ‘shortcuts’ to get you through the store faster. They actual spin you around and plant you right where you started.
The worse part, is you can see the lobby/checkout through a doorway that is barred off in some way with a sign saying ‘no entry’. They tease you by dangling your exit right in front of you with no possible way to access it.

…Is that why the song ‘Hotel California’ always plays in my mind when I’m there?
You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave.

Tue Oct 10, 10:17:00 AM
Mo said…
Red is the favorable colour (see, I added the “u” for you you crazy canuck!) in Feng Shui. It’s used to promote love and fame and reputation. It’s also the colour of Twizzlers, which I am currently snacking on!

Tue Oct 10, 02:42:00 PM
J. said…
If you are so handy-around-the-house that you were able to make those two blue and green goody baskets, I have faith that you can make a more suitable footrest. Perhaps a more virginal one than the one they are prostituting at Ikea.

Tue Oct 10, 05:58:00 PM
Bluenosegirl said…
Now we know why IKEA sells food. It’s for those poor bastards who get helplessly lost trying to get out. There isn’t really any other purpose to Swedish meatballs, really. Unless you plan to buy them on the way in and use them to retrace your steps like breadcrumbs…

Tue Oct 10, 06:20:00 PM
michelle said…
so i was thinking about this post, and next time you’re in there, go stand in the flatware aisle.

when an employee asks if they can help you, stare straight at the spoons and adopt your most Keanu of tones and say…

There is no spoon.

(this is what amuses me currently. welcome to the world of an unemployed Michelle. eep!)

Wed Oct 11, 01:21:00 AM
just a girl said…
michelle: I can’t believe you’re never been to an IKEA! I’m so spoiled. Come here and I’ll take you on the matrix ride, I promise.

That’s an insane thing for me to do at IKEA in the flatware section…but, if idiots can snooze and cuddle on their couches, I should be able to do this. And I will!

By the way, I received your card yesterday and you have no idea how well timed it was. Thank you so much >> I’ll be writing soon, I promise (xoxoxoxo)!

Uzi: I think I peed myself when I read your post. But only peed myself in the good peeing myself sort of way, you know? Send those kids over before Angelina and Brad adopt them, please

Sarah: LOL LOL LOL! I never even thought about the cafeteria as a saviour, just as a means to further dissorient our asses, heh! Well played, my dear…well played!

Blunosegirl: Welcome! I think you and Sarah need to get to IKEA together, lol! And for the record: their meatballs are awesome, n’est pas?!

J: I am not a crafty sort of gal, but when my mind’s in overdrive and I need to chill the eff out, I get crafty. This craftiness was in preparation for Blue Day. Seriously, I could rival Noah and his damn arc at this point. Maybe I will just build the chair and the footrest as you’re suggested, only it’ll be nothing more than a pillow. Which will, at the very least, be colourful and comfy

Tommy: In solidarity we hate IKEA together.

Mo: Hm, that’s interesting! Even brothl red?

mmmmmm. twizzlers. mmmmmmmm.

Lisa: LOL! You’ll totally believe this then, I was STUCK at the entrance door staring out toward FREEDOM….but couldn’t make it out because I had to go through the entirety of the Matrix. Damn the Swedes at IKEA. Damn them and their funky collapseable furniture.

xoxo
m

Fri Oct 13, 12:43:00 PM
Maria Calvo said…
OH. DAMN. You’re fucking killing me here with this post!!!!! I ALWAYS get lost in IKEA the way they set their shit up is hopeless, lol lol lol!!!!!!

maria

Mon Oct 16, 12:24:00 PM
colleen said…
Hey MICHEELE I’ve never been to an IKEA either but I’m thinking that means you and I are the lucky ones here. Maybe Gerry Butler is in one of their ektorp chairs?

Great post, Maha,
Colleen

Mon Oct 16, 12:40:00 PM
just a girl said…
Thank you Maria & Colleen

m

Wed Oct 18, 12:42:00 PM
jenstar said…
You could try this website:
http://www.bemz.com/products/3/10/7/0/88/front/

They make covers for Ikea sofas so you might find something you prefer from here and just buy the chair & footstool from Ikea without the covers!

P.S. I’ve not tried them so can’t comment on the quality/service etc.

Sat Jan 06, 06:51:00 AM
just a girl said…
Hi Jenstar & welcome. Thanks for the advice; I’ve bookmarked and will check things out later

If I do buy anything from them, I’ll make certain to report back.

xox
maha

Tue Jan 16, 03:33:00 PM