Skinny gummy trollops

.1. If you are a boy over the age of zero you should neither own nor ever contemplate owning 'skinny' jeans, unless your name is Sid and your girlfriend's name is Nancy and you sometimes happen to write excellent music and you're dead.

.2. I was about to eat gum last night, only I threw the Chiclets in the general direction of my mouth and missed. One hit my cheek and the other ricocheted off my glasses. Sadly, I watched as my last two pieces of Chiclets fell away and on to the dirty street. I woke up with a welt on my face.

.3. In order to improve my colloqueal French, I am going to spend the rest of my lunch hour completing a questionnaire in the French Glamour. This questionnaire is going to tell me about how my childhood has affected my adulthood and my sexual something-or-other. Doesn't matter that I'm a 'V'; to Glamour, we're all trollops. I'll share the outcome with you later this afternoon...