Most of us believe in Karma. I believe in it without prejudice and so hope that any actions I put out there are done in the spirit of bringing the good of her my way.

I recently heard from the best friend of someone who I thought was, a few months back, somewhat important to me (not important in the earth shattering way, but important enough to enjoy the moment). Unfortunately, he decided that it would be acceptable – nay, necessary – to treat me in a manner not befitting the treatment of any person. What that means is that he was a complete sh*t who did something that really hurt my ego. At the time, I would have told you that my feelings were hurt, but the reality of it was that it was my ego that took the hit.

I should’ve known something was amiss when after the lie was told, I couldn’t cry. And let me tell you, just as I Am Canadian, I Too Am A Weeper.

It was the first time something like this had happened; heavily unusual because I’d never dealt with that severity of immaturity and disrespect and because I try to make certain that my ego does not rely on how others perceive me but rather, on how I perceive myself, how well I treat others, and what I’ve achieved by way of my own hard work.

To put it bluntly, he didn’t have the capacity to Man Up about something and so instead chose to tell me something deeply hurtful in an effort to place distance between him and I. Nine days later, I discovered it was a lie and the reflection of it on his character was so immense that Trish – who never says a peep – responded with “That’s not rad. In fact, that’s so not rad it’s shameful”.

He was pathetic and a coward – and if there’s one thing any man needs to know about someone like me it’s that I don’t particularly like the company of a chicken sh*t. If there is even a hint of cowardice, then he’s just not for me. Needless to say, both he and the situation became a joke between The Girls and I and he is now and forever referred to as The Pink Lady. (This potential to become a ‘joke’ is the chance one takes when behaving in such an incomprehensible manner. Consider yourself warned, both men and women.)

Fast forward and find your BlogMistress facing the following conversation with his best friend:
“…bla bla bla, you’re making him out to be such a bad person when he’s not. He’s my best friend and I know him bla bla bla and he regrets bla bla bla and wants to try bla bla bla and I know it’s been months but he can’t stop thinking about you and I bla bla bla…stop making him out to be such a bad guy, it’s not fair.”

The long and short of it is, he wants a second chance because I’m a Ferris Wheel and you can take me out for an unlimited amount of spins.

You may have already guessed this if you live here and pay attention to my stupid entries: I’m not a big ‘second chancer’, even though I am a big ‘forgiver’. I am this way for one simple reason: No one who wanted a second chance originally ever meant enough to warrant it. Of note are two men to whom I would afford a ‘second chance’ but only because it would technically be a ‘first chance’. Although that may read as code, they would understand it without problem.

Back to this boy. After hearing out his best friend, I said something which I’d not thought about or planned or fantasized about or ever considered because after the above mentioned nine days, life had returned to normal and I quite literally never wasted another moment thinking of him. He was a stranger before I met and dated him, and he returned to that category relatively easily.

Although the hurt was felt by my ego, what I said came from my head and was said with the utmost calm because it remains to me the equivalent of saying “my eyes are hazel”. It wasn’t meant to be vindictive or hurtful, but rather the truth of where my head was at post nine days of lie, and where it remains today. I said:

“It’s not that he’s that bad of a guy because I’m sure he’s capable of being lovely…
it’s that he’s just not good enough for me.”

…and although I’m neither the vindictive sort nor the sort to ever ever ever enjoy the potential hurt of another, I couldn’t help but smile a little when a few steps after closing my mobile, it dawned on me the sentiment of my sentence.

& with that, I’ll say that I hope you too understand your worth and value and never stray from your incredible potential, be it alone or with another.

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