The Fat Baldies

Daily, ask yourself about

Your life: How you lived that day.
Your knowledge: What you learned and how you applied it.
Your money: How you acquired and spent it.
Your body: How you used it.

Try to make it a habit and always forgive your mistakes and your trip-ups, and then make certain to work away from whatever you've recognised as hurtful to yourself, this environment and others. Remember: we are only human and we will always make mistakes, no matter their devastating stupidity.

I have a very simple rule of thumb (that I don't always follow, but I try...): Behave in a way that I can tell my children about, and/or in a way that I would understand from my children. Today, I can honestly say that there isn't one moment in my life (as of yet and Inshallah never) that I would be ashamed to share with my babies when they're older. Granted, some stories would need much more context setting, but there's nothing I can think of that I would willingly hide from them.

Even though I may never have children, I believe a parent represents - quite literally - the world to a child. The poorer the behaviour of a parent, the more difficult it will be for the child to engage in a healthy environment. I could be wrong, but I don't plan on testing the theory out on my kids. This has nothing to do with genetics or "access", but rather everything to do with obligation, ethical standard, self-awareness and determination.

Often times, our obligation to ourselves falls to the side and we behave in ways that are nothing short of emotional and physical self-mutilation. When you throw a child into that mix, something should change about how we live our lives and how much damage we're willing to inflict on ourselves and inescapably, on those for whom we are responsible.

This may very well be meaningless as I am not yet a parent and should it happen, I hope that both myself and my husband are people of whom our children may be proud. People they respect and turn to for advice before anyone else. No matter how much we love our friends and how 'familial' we may think we are, our love for those individuals is nothing compared to the love of their parents. I don't think we can fully comprehend the depths of that until we are parents ourselves (even the worst of us). Remember the simple Chinese proverb that reads: "To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself".

I remember a very important conversation I had and during which I made the following blanket statement: "My daughter can't marry whoever she wants".
In retrospect, I think 'WTF?' Of course my daughter(s) and son(s) will be able to marry whomever they want, because a parent's duty and obligation has nothing to do with exerting control over their children, and it most definitely isn't playing the role of an emotional ter*orist in their lives. It is to provide them with the tools and the guidance to choose properly or improperly for themselves and to always and unflinchingly have parental support - if not approval. But in order for me to get to the point where I can write this and see it clearly, I needed to understand where and how that sentiment was rooted in my mind in order for me to investigate it, undo it and then make certain there were no seeds left. This process took some time, but I'm definitely the better for having lived it; I'm sure my children will laugh at me when I tell them I once thought I would / could control anything in their lives.

As with any relationship, parents bring baggage into theirs with their children and if not careful, the consequence is all-consuming for all involved. I've seen the blowback and the crippling effect of this situation because we are always children and we are always developing. The healthy mind and life belong to those who are constantly working on that development. Much too often, we separate our childhood from our adulthood, as though they can be separate, like 'childhood' actually ends and 'adulthood' has a Go block. I don't know if we do this because we have a very rigid concept of Time, but I don't think the 'why' is important, but rather, the recognition that 'childhood' is 'adulthood' only evolved; childhood can never be separated from the rest of our lives as though it exists in a bubble, because it is the very blueprint of who we become. (I could here discuss causality and probability, but I won't. Instead, I'll merely say that even though changing that blueprint is a very arduous task, it is not an impossible one.)

The best way to imagine this is to see our lives not as existing on a single linear plane, but as a circle of ink that has ebbs and flows of life 'moments' that run into one another infinitely.

Take on the responsibility even when you're not facing it just yet. Become the person you wish to be for the sake of the fat baldies you'll one day stare at in fascination as they poop and toot themselves into surprise.