Liquid Dyslexia
It has taken me some time, but I have perfected the gas nozzle "clip and pour and don't spill and stop right at the $.00 mark".
I do not spill gas and I pride myself on the fact that I always reach the $.00 mark. Always. Some have perceived this as a little bit of an obsession, but to those people, I think 'SHUT IT'...only it comes out like: "Well, you know, we all have our little idiosyncrasiesyou who wears ugly shoes unworthy of the title 'Crack', ha ha. I guess that's mine...and a whole many others".
Unfortunately, I have a severe dislike for and inability to properly use the coffee spout. I have tried being polite to Her and cooing at Her and even playing Her soft music and lighting candles, only She never quite responds. I'm sure it's because She is much too busy saving the world and Her denial of me really has nothing to do with the fact that it's me. I'm lovely, yes.
And look, I understand fully well that it is not, in fact, a "coffee spout", but I really haven't a clue as to what it's called. It's that thing that is usually black and sits on top of the "tap" from which the coffee spills forth (and God said: "LET THERE BE CAFFEINE") and you lift it Up to open the floodgates to love and then Down to close the flood of What I Need To Survive. If any of you wish to show off and give me the official name of this thing, then please comment. Gold Star and induction into The Hall of Geek for you, where we shall be brethren/sisteren in Geek Kingdom.
Anyway. I can't get That Which Can Not Be Named to work for me. I always overspill my coffee or under fill my mug. And for the longest time, I used to think that the overflow of coffee was to be spilled into the garbage can because NO BODY TOLD ME that that thing sitting flat on the counter and looking suspiciously like my heating and air conditioning grate was for the excess coffee. I always assumed it was there for clumsy folk who accidentally spilled their coffee as they added cream, milk, sugar or most likely, as they tried to place the all-too-often ill-fitting chapeau on the coffee cup head.
All this to provide you with the earth shattering news that I am liquid dyslexic and can't use that coffee tap thing properly. Please control your excitement at the news; I'm being interviewed re matter right after BBC's Alan Johnston (now freed, yay!).
I do not spill gas and I pride myself on the fact that I always reach the $.00 mark. Always. Some have perceived this as a little bit of an obsession, but to those people, I think 'SHUT IT'...only it comes out like: "Well, you know, we all have our little idiosyncrasies
Unfortunately, I have a severe dislike for and inability to properly use the coffee spout. I have tried being polite to Her and cooing at Her and even playing Her soft music and lighting candles, only She never quite responds. I'm sure it's because She is much too busy saving the world and Her denial of me really has nothing to do with the fact that it's me. I'm lovely, yes.
And look, I understand fully well that it is not, in fact, a "coffee spout", but I really haven't a clue as to what it's called. It's that thing that is usually black and sits on top of the "tap" from which the coffee spills forth (and God said: "LET THERE BE CAFFEINE") and you lift it Up to open the floodgates to love and then Down to close the flood of What I Need To Survive. If any of you wish to show off and give me the official name of this thing, then please comment. Gold Star and induction into The Hall of Geek for you, where we shall be brethren/sisteren in Geek Kingdom.
Anyway. I can't get That Which Can Not Be Named to work for me. I always overspill my coffee or under fill my mug. And for the longest time, I used to think that the overflow of coffee was to be spilled into the garbage can because NO BODY TOLD ME that that thing sitting flat on the counter and looking suspiciously like my heating and air conditioning grate was for the excess coffee. I always assumed it was there for clumsy folk who accidentally spilled their coffee as they added cream, milk, sugar or most likely, as they tried to place the all-too-often ill-fitting chapeau on the coffee cup head.
All this to provide you with the earth shattering news that I am liquid dyslexic and can't use that coffee tap thing properly. Please control your excitement at the news; I'm being interviewed re matter right after BBC's Alan Johnston (now freed, yay!).
Labels: Dork
posted by just a girl at 12:30 PM
2 Comments:
SEE! THIS IS THE KIND of thing you write every once in a while that uses a really different voice like that other one up top, the one about the cave of spastic. You should totally creat a different category for these, only I don't know what it would be!!!
Hilarious. I don't know what this thing's called either :S
maria
This is a fun entry. I know neither the name of the tap (is that what it's called?) nor how to use it properly. You're not alone my friend, but no one's ever quite talked about this problem like you!
Colleen
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