Freedom!
Before you begin reading, please note that: Of course there is a middle-ground that below I’m not discussing. I’m speaking in the same extreme as that spoken by the window and the commercial mentioned. Understand that the state we are in is because of a backlash against the over interference of the Church and the moral arm and all of the history that has brought. But who the f*ck decided to throw the baby out with the bathwater? (I'm adding this as an after thought - Michelle pointed out that we can't point at only one thing here, and she's absolutely right. There are many factors to blame for our current state, only a couple of which are mentioned below.)
We went out recently, sat on a patio and I was this close to shooting myself.
One gem of an overheard conversation was the following:
“I just threw up in the bathroom.”
“But you still look good.”
“Thank God! I’m so lucky I can do that. Look. He said he thinks I’m cute and he wants to f*ck me.”
“AWESOME. He’s so hot.”
“Yeah. I think he likes me. I’m going to go with him.”
“What’s his name again?”
“Uhm. I can’t remember. Anyway, uhm, how are my chubs?”
“AWESOME. That’s totally why you picked up, bitch!”
“Right. I’m out.”
If I were to try and communicate either my pain or shame at overhearing this, I fear I may bring down my blog server.
Link to: Behold what we’re selling our young women (Be) and to our young men (Expect):
The above is a display window of a very popular shop in Ottawa. Notice, her jeans and underwear are around her ankles. She has wine bottles in front of her and her head placed on the toilette, clearly denoting the sexy state of inebriation that induces vomiting. The two background figures are one male and one female and written on the mirror is: “For a good time call….”
I stood in front of the display staring with my mouth open when a young woman came out, looked at me and said: “I know! It’s so cool!”
Instead of taking her down for her stupidity, I instead turned slowly to face her and declared “Noooooo. There’s nothing cool about this. It’s demeaning and degrading and a TESTAMENT. To just how low we’ve landed.”
She looked puzzled, gave me an awkward smile and walked away.
Link to: The latest birth control pills that are being marketed to an audience of very young women. The interesting thing about these commercials is:
The girls appear to all be aged between 16 & 22.
There are no men in the commercials.
They’re representing carefree lives; girls running on the beach, eating dinner out together, having coffee in the middle of the day, lounging around at home with magazines (heaven forbid it be a book), running out for a first job interview. All of them are smiling, laughing, unburdened and beautiful young people.
The first time I saw these commercials, I thought they were for a clothing or make-up company and was taken aback when I realized it was for birth control. N & I were seated in a movie theater the second time I saw them and she declared “Holy CHRIST! The girls look like they’re about 12!!”
I don’t care how many partners you have sex with, or how many drunken one-night stands you’ve had or in which way and for how long you’ve been taking the pill. And I most definitely don’t care if you’re male of female. Your life is your own and your responsibilities and consequence to your body are yours for the choosing. But if you wish to declare that you can have sex without any emotional connections or blowback then to you I actually say bullsh*t, because our bodies, our skin have and hold memories. More importantly, they have rights over us and so inherent in that is the fact that your physical being is not an entity that you can – no matter how hard you try – detach from the rest of you. But that’s not what this entry is about – and if you are proud of the fact that you have casual sex without emotional connection, then it is your right to sell yourself so cheaply and there is no place for that on this blog.
Right. So what’s troubling me about the above is the greater theme of casual sex lifestyle void of worry and stress, when in reality, pregnancy may in fact be the least worrisome consequence of sex. ‘Least’ when compared to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sexual disease consequences of sex within the particular context presented by the above two references to ‘lifestyle’.
As already mentioned, there are no men in these commercials and so no hint at relationships. If, as adults, you wish to go out and have random sexual relations, then fine – but that’s not the audience being targeted. They are anything but adult. (I remember being a 16 year old ‘adult’ very well because that was the summer all of the girls in my high-school started having sex. I also recall – crystal clearly – the traumatic consequences most of them encountered because of that choice; None of them having anything to do with a pregnancy scare.)
I don’t think it would be insane or far-fetched to say that at that age one is completely vulnerable and their identity still being formed. As equally important are their perspectives on relationships and sex (be it within or without a relationship). Here I discuss both boys and girls.
To those of you considering someone like I a throwback to the Stone Age, I say better the Stone Age than what I’ve seen as of late. And please note: anything I say re girls, I argue equally for boys. If there were a pill for boys targeted in this fashion, I would make exactly the same arguments. If boys were being represented in shop displays in this manner, I would fight against that equally.
Speaking only for myself here, I will say two things. First, to those who are great advocates of the pill, I’ve read all of the arguments and understand them, though I don’t accept or agree with most of them. I have no problem denying entry into my body chemicals of the sort found in the birth control pill. What you choose to ingest is your business, but do not try to misrepresent the context of something that is so much more than a wee little pill to what are, essentially, children.
Second, I fully expect that the man who is going to love me isn’t a man who would want me to take the risks associated with birth control. (e.g. ‘Crazy girl’, ‘no sex drive girl’, ‘my body will never again be able to produce natural lubrication girl’, etc.) Just as it would be my duty to make certain he took care of his health and avoided harmful substances, I expect him to be doing exactly the same where I was concerned. These are my standards and mine alone, and this last bit - to me - would be one of the measures of a ‘man’.
But heaven forbid we hold ourselves to any sort of a standard that falls short of complete hedonistic freedom. People should have the “freedom” to have sex with whomever and whenever, at the age they choose. Because they should learn the meaning of responsibility…even though I am not exercising any. I’m so proud.
Proud enough to head back down to the store display and stand in front of it with a big banner that reads: YAY! I’M LIBERATED! I’M FREE! AND I DON’T CARE THAT MORE THAN HALF OF THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD OVER 15 CAN’T READ OR WRITE! I CAN SHOP, YO!
I DON’T CARE THAT WOMEN PRODUCE 80% OF THE FOOD ON THE PLANET BUT RECEIVE LESS THAN 10% OF AGRICULTURAL ASSISTANCE! I CAN GET TRASHED ON TONS OF LIQUOR, BABY!
I DON’T CARE THAT WOMEN ONLY OCCUPY 2% OF SENIOR MANAGEMENT POSITIONS WORLDWIDE! I CAN SLEEP WITH THE OTHER 98%! WOO-HOO! HURRAY FOR ME WITH MY PANTIES AND jeans…around my ankles? And uhm, whose that guy behind me? And is that my number? And is that my girlfriend looking over me? Not interfering because, uhm, that wouldn’t, like, be right to tell me how to behave, would it? I mean...would it? And will you come to the sex clinic with me because I’m bleeding and I don’t know why.
But heaven forbid…heaven forbid…we ever say ‘no to anything’ because ‘yes’ has brought us so much good.
*Thank you to Woman Kind.
We went out recently, sat on a patio and I was this close to shooting myself.
One gem of an overheard conversation was the following:
“I just threw up in the bathroom.”
“But you still look good.”
“Thank God! I’m so lucky I can do that. Look. He said he thinks I’m cute and he wants to f*ck me.”
“AWESOME. He’s so hot.”
“Yeah. I think he likes me. I’m going to go with him.”
“What’s his name again?”
“Uhm. I can’t remember. Anyway, uhm, how are my chubs?”
“AWESOME. That’s totally why you picked up, bitch!”
“Right. I’m out.”
If I were to try and communicate either my pain or shame at overhearing this, I fear I may bring down my blog server.
Link to: Behold what we’re selling our young women (Be) and to our young men (Expect):
The above is a display window of a very popular shop in Ottawa. Notice, her jeans and underwear are around her ankles. She has wine bottles in front of her and her head placed on the toilette, clearly denoting the sexy state of inebriation that induces vomiting. The two background figures are one male and one female and written on the mirror is: “For a good time call….”
I stood in front of the display staring with my mouth open when a young woman came out, looked at me and said: “I know! It’s so cool!”
Instead of taking her down for her stupidity, I instead turned slowly to face her and declared “Noooooo. There’s nothing cool about this. It’s demeaning and degrading and a TESTAMENT. To just how low we’ve landed.”
She looked puzzled, gave me an awkward smile and walked away.
Link to: The latest birth control pills that are being marketed to an audience of very young women. The interesting thing about these commercials is:
The girls appear to all be aged between 16 & 22.
There are no men in the commercials.
They’re representing carefree lives; girls running on the beach, eating dinner out together, having coffee in the middle of the day, lounging around at home with magazines (heaven forbid it be a book), running out for a first job interview. All of them are smiling, laughing, unburdened and beautiful young people.
The first time I saw these commercials, I thought they were for a clothing or make-up company and was taken aback when I realized it was for birth control. N & I were seated in a movie theater the second time I saw them and she declared “Holy CHRIST! The girls look like they’re about 12!!”
I don’t care how many partners you have sex with, or how many drunken one-night stands you’ve had or in which way and for how long you’ve been taking the pill. And I most definitely don’t care if you’re male of female. Your life is your own and your responsibilities and consequence to your body are yours for the choosing. But if you wish to declare that you can have sex without any emotional connections or blowback then to you I actually say bullsh*t, because our bodies, our skin have and hold memories. More importantly, they have rights over us and so inherent in that is the fact that your physical being is not an entity that you can – no matter how hard you try – detach from the rest of you. But that’s not what this entry is about – and if you are proud of the fact that you have casual sex without emotional connection, then it is your right to sell yourself so cheaply and there is no place for that on this blog.
Right. So what’s troubling me about the above is the greater theme of casual sex lifestyle void of worry and stress, when in reality, pregnancy may in fact be the least worrisome consequence of sex. ‘Least’ when compared to the psychological, emotional, spiritual, and sexual disease consequences of sex within the particular context presented by the above two references to ‘lifestyle’.
As already mentioned, there are no men in these commercials and so no hint at relationships. If, as adults, you wish to go out and have random sexual relations, then fine – but that’s not the audience being targeted. They are anything but adult. (I remember being a 16 year old ‘adult’ very well because that was the summer all of the girls in my high-school started having sex. I also recall – crystal clearly – the traumatic consequences most of them encountered because of that choice; None of them having anything to do with a pregnancy scare.)
I don’t think it would be insane or far-fetched to say that at that age one is completely vulnerable and their identity still being formed. As equally important are their perspectives on relationships and sex (be it within or without a relationship). Here I discuss both boys and girls.
To those of you considering someone like I a throwback to the Stone Age, I say better the Stone Age than what I’ve seen as of late. And please note: anything I say re girls, I argue equally for boys. If there were a pill for boys targeted in this fashion, I would make exactly the same arguments. If boys were being represented in shop displays in this manner, I would fight against that equally.
Speaking only for myself here, I will say two things. First, to those who are great advocates of the pill, I’ve read all of the arguments and understand them, though I don’t accept or agree with most of them. I have no problem denying entry into my body chemicals of the sort found in the birth control pill. What you choose to ingest is your business, but do not try to misrepresent the context of something that is so much more than a wee little pill to what are, essentially, children.
Second, I fully expect that the man who is going to love me isn’t a man who would want me to take the risks associated with birth control. (e.g. ‘Crazy girl’, ‘no sex drive girl’, ‘my body will never again be able to produce natural lubrication girl’, etc.) Just as it would be my duty to make certain he took care of his health and avoided harmful substances, I expect him to be doing exactly the same where I was concerned. These are my standards and mine alone, and this last bit - to me - would be one of the measures of a ‘man’.
But heaven forbid we hold ourselves to any sort of a standard that falls short of complete hedonistic freedom. People should have the “freedom” to have sex with whomever and whenever, at the age they choose. Because they should learn the meaning of responsibility…even though I am not exercising any. I’m so proud.
Proud enough to head back down to the store display and stand in front of it with a big banner that reads: YAY! I’M LIBERATED! I’M FREE! AND I DON’T CARE THAT MORE THAN HALF OF THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD OVER 15 CAN’T READ OR WRITE! I CAN SHOP, YO!
I DON’T CARE THAT WOMEN PRODUCE 80% OF THE FOOD ON THE PLANET BUT RECEIVE LESS THAN 10% OF AGRICULTURAL ASSISTANCE! I CAN GET TRASHED ON TONS OF LIQUOR, BABY!
I DON’T CARE THAT WOMEN ONLY OCCUPY 2% OF SENIOR MANAGEMENT POSITIONS WORLDWIDE! I CAN SLEEP WITH THE OTHER 98%! WOO-HOO! HURRAY FOR ME WITH MY PANTIES AND jeans…around my ankles? And uhm, whose that guy behind me? And is that my number? And is that my girlfriend looking over me? Not interfering because, uhm, that wouldn’t, like, be right to tell me how to behave, would it? I mean...would it? And will you come to the sex clinic with me because I’m bleeding and I don’t know why.
But heaven forbid…heaven forbid…we ever say ‘no to anything’ because ‘yes’ has brought us so much good.
*Thank you to Woman Kind.
Labels: "Feminism", Photos, Rules
posted by just a girl at 9:40 AM
14 Comments:
Thank you for this post, Maha. I have a young daughter and I seem to be the only one of my friends who is advocating abstinence. When my friends hear this, they think I am a prude or they try to tell me that it’s going to happen anyway and so I should just be open about it.I think that if she started having sex, I’d deal with it then – BUT if I told her it ‘could’ happen then I open a door even if only a slight bit. So instead I am strong about my opinions in her life. Even as a young child, I would be careful with the movies, television shows, books I let her read. I have control over what’s in my house and I make sure to make the most of it. I can’t control what happens outside but I do my best to create a healthy confident sense of herself where she’s comfortable enough and convinced enough to say ‘no’. I think I’ve got an obligation to do this to the best of my ability and if my daughter ever gets drunk and passes out at some frat party, I hope she’s got a friend like you around who’d never just leave her there!
Colleen
By the way, that display is nauseating. What a sad reflection of today's value system. Would you send me the name, I would like to place a call into them.
Thank you, Maha.
Colleen
I had one night stands when I was in university and bombed out of my mind.
I never had an orgasm. I never enjoyed it and I always ended up at the health clinic. It seemed cool at the time and I never thought ahead because it was what everybody did. I regret every one of them and if I could erase them from my past, I would.
I don't think we pay enough attention to what we're really trying to teach the next generations anymore because it would mean that we would have to taek arreally long and hard look at what we've become and I don't really think we'd be so happy.
Colleen I think how you're raising your daughter is great. I wish my mother had been more strict but instead she put me on the pill when I went to high school and I was 14.
Maria
I drank too much one night and passed out at a 'friend's' house. I woke up the next morning naked in his roommates bed and no one next to me. I don't know what happened and was too embarassed to ask when i went downstairs and found the three of them sitting outside so i just left. I never found out what happened and i never saw them again. I also never drank again and i wish i had you as a friend then or as a mother before.
You guys might also like the writings of Mary Pipher who is a left wing therapist and anthropologist who offers a critique of modern electronic and consumer culture and the negative emotional impacts it is having on families today.
"The Shelter of Eachother" offers opinions and insights based on the author's experience counselling families. She offers suggestions for how to protect and nurture family life, while also paying homage to the hard won freedoms of the social movements of the 1960s in America.
"Real Boys" is abour raising teenaged boys, and "Reviving Ophelia" is about raising teenaged girls today.
Hope you said something to the store manager? sent a letter to the editor in your city paper? (include the picture and name of store for them to evrify).. they will likely get a picture of the display in the paper.. who knows, you may start a protest of some kind.. That is beyond objectifying women.. that is truly disgusting.
Understand that the state we are in is because of a backlash against the over interference of the Church and the moral arm
I think you need to expand on that more, because in thinking for ourselves and using our own moral compasses I'd like to believe we're *less* likely to make stupid choices -- since that is what you seem to be insinuating us Godless Heathens are only capable of (and I stand as a living breathing goody-two-shoes contradiction to that insinuation).
Perhaps the duplicitous-ness of the people in "leadership" positions (rather than "guidance" positions as they should be) in The Church turning around and being Vile themselves while telling you to be Good is leading to a warped view of what is Moral, anymore?
Colleen - thanks for attempting a go, but I deleted your comment as I don't want any sort of misunderstandings here. BUT THANK YOU!
Fiery Michelle - Thanks for offering me the place to clarify: I hope this is more clear (and know that for the record, I love you, Godless Heathen). I'm referring more to the time period when the church had too much control over everything (including, leadership in other areas than itself) and was behaving in absolutely the worst possible fashion behind closed doors (like you indicated). People got sick of it and decided to move away from it on many levels. That then meant that in terms of academics, people also moved into an area where 'rationality' was the key, rather than 'morality' (which is where you are at, goody two shoes :)). Whereas that can be used for optimum good, it has all too often been unfortunately, taken us down a horrendous slippery slope into "anything goes", absolutely anything. Which is what the above is in reference to - and the contxt of that one statement in the bigger picture of the history here in NA.
It's got nothing to do with God, technically, but rather morality - and morality was for the longest time associated here in North America with the church, hence the statement itself. Don't take the 'insinuation' as anything more than me having gone through an entire thought process and then placing it into one (obviously) much too short sentence! I don't mean to offend the likes of you. If I did, I would simply stop sending you cards and calling you to annoy you ;)
I hope that's clear - it still seems a bit muddled!
To the anonymous woman who wrote about her rape experience. Thank you for your willingness to share that here. I'm sorry you had to go through such a thing.
M
ok, so...society is acting like a child rebelling against their parents (aka the church) by doing exactly what their parents tell them not to? But I offer that the child still, from the parent's teachings, knows what is right and wrong. Parents say "NO" for a reason (now if only my dog could figure that one out). Granted we've made it beyond easy for children to actually have more power over their elders than anything else.
Rational thought isn't devoid of morality though! The process it takes to rationalize that store window as being "cool," however, certainly takes some stupidity!
I know a lot of the trends of these times are saddening and frustrating and ridiculous but I'm not so sure there is one specific cause. It really seems to be a lot of bad crap coming together at once to form the Ultimate Idiotizen.
Wow. This all leaves me feeling a little bit shaky & scared in facing the challenge of raising my children. That store display is really disgusting.
Your post has given rise to indignation and sorrow at how we've casually left the collective souls of our children (and ourselves for that matter) to waste away in mind-numbing activities designed to dumb down the masses.
I have a daughter (10) and a son (8). I'm scared for them. I'm scared for me, as their mom, not sure where I'll find the words that they'll need to hear to face the challenges of this world. Maybe I'll ask myself "What would Maha say?".
Thanks for this, ma belle.
Peace
Chantal
I'm glad you wrote this, Maha!
Lately, I thought I was just 'getting old' and losing touch with the younger generation. I quietly shook my head in confusion when faced with the 'slutification' of women in the media. I was silently outraged that music videos call women bitches and whores and dress them like prostitutes.
Instead, I should shout out.
Shame on men for trying to dominate and shame women and make us feel "less than" if we don't attract men. And shame on women for not only allowing it to happen, but buy into it.
It is not acceptable to call me a whore or a bitch. It is not acceptable to see me as an inflatable sex doll. It is only acceptable to see me a loveable and capable human being...an equal to every other loveable, capable human being.
Heh! I like your afterthought about Michelle! HEY MICHELLE you made it into the first paragraph. Cool.
Chantal, part of the reason I'm so scared to have children is because I look around me and I'm terrified byw hat I see. I don't know how much control we can have but we have to do our best.
Lol! On the "What Would Maha Do".
We should get braceletes that hve eht letters WWMD. Oh there's WMDs there, lol!!!!!
Hugs,
Maria
Now, I'm aware of the risks and complications associated with birth control which is why I'm not on the stuff my believe me, I've been tempted and not for any reasons to with sex. I'm one of those lucky women whose period is super heavy, lasts up to 8 days and occour anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks meaning that you never know when it's going to happen. Since that's been the case for me ever since I started menstruating, I see the allure of something which would regulate things. I figured those ads were directed at girls with the same problem.
you totally kick ass Maha.
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