Prolific Immigrant

.1. My mouth attracts disaster.

A few evenings ago, I roasted chestnuts. I was so tired and in my own head that I didn’t make the cuts in the chestnuts big enough, and three of them exploded in my little oven. I wish this were a euphemism.

Worse still is that I didn’t think clearly when I went to eat the first one, and so I bit into it and it exploded. In my mouth. It wasn’t exactly the chestnut itself that exploded, but rather the hot air that filled the chestnut.

I was very lucky because half of the chestnut was hanging out of my mouth and so the hot air explosion hit the side of my lip and burned a straight line across my cheek.

It’s still healing and I can’t laugh as easily at the moment.

.2. I received anonymous flowers this morning. I have no idea who they could be from and I’m not much in a playful mood at the moment, so if it’s one of you, then let me know. Otherwise, they’re going in the garbage.

.3. I’ve never really thought of myself as a ‘car girl’, they’ve never impressed me and I’ve never understood the concept of paying a lot of money for something that transports you from A to B when most anything can do the transporting. And then I thought again…

…and admitted defeat, recognising that I’ve always had a very soft spot for the Jaguar E-Type (a.k.a. XK-E) and if I had the money to purchase any car in the world, I would have to narrow it down to the Jag, and the Bugatti Veyron 16.4. Were money a non-option, I’d need my cars to be sleek and fast.

But this is entry is about neither – because I just took a sweet little drive in the Lexus SC Sport Coupe and OH MY GOD can that thing move.

.4. When I woke up this morning, I found that Homer had slipped a note beneath my room door (I’m staying with mama while the boys are in town). His note reads:

Hey Maha,
It’s Homer…When you wake up, look in the mirror and you will will see how good you truly are. Have a great day at work and we will see you when you get home. Take care and know that I love you oh so much.
Love always,
Omar A
P.S. You are very aesthetically (if that is the right spelling) + personality wise gorgeous. Have a great day!!!

My cousins are gems. (No, they didn’t send the flowers.)

.5. A very honourable mention is an email I received from Sarah that made me laugh every time I thought about it these past 24 hours:

Subject: i love coffee!!!!!!!!

I’ve recently discovered that coffee is the secret to
happiness. I don’t know how I didn’t discover this earlier. Everything is
happy and jittery and I can’t focus on anything long enough to have to think
about life! Work is ruining me already :p

How are you??

…..bla bla bla…….

My aim is to hook her up with one of my cousins this coming Friday. They’re nerds and coffee drinkers and so would get along just perfectly.

Two of my cousins are in town from Denver this week. These boys are the closest thing I have to brothers and they have never once let me down. Naturally, we get into fights, as do all family members…but 99% of the time, we’re solid.

We share sibling mothers and so are quite aware of the attempted emotional terrorism and torment the sisters often wield; this serving as a special bond, much like the one shared by POW survivors. (I have to say here that I have an edge because mama’s changed dramatically these last few months and is still doing just that; it was either that or further fragment our relationship. Maybe one day I’ll post about this point in particular…I’m not sure yet.)

This is Homer (Omar):

He’s had a pretty rough year about which I will only say that I, Alhamdulilah, am so thankful and amazed to see him so well and vibrant and healthy and back. I love this kid to death and I’ve yet to meet anyone with a heart the size of his.

He’s finishing up Business something-or-other and he’ll own half of Denver some day – he’s a hustler of the first order and can manage and charm anything and anyone. He also grows the world’s tastiest tomatoes.

This is Major (Maher):

Currently working construction and soon to begin pre Med in January, Inshallah. It’s been interesting having him around because he’s matured so very much in this last year and a half and it’s an absolute pleasure to talk politics, religion, family, friends, relationships and life with him. He’s a sponge for knowledge, and I can see him in ten years being such a strong and solid man in the lives of those lucky enough to know him.

The only one that’s not here at the moment is this guy (who you may remember was the first boy to ever send me flowers), Rock (Ragheb), the soon-to-be ‘Homo Doctor’ (currently in Tempe, Arizona studying at Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine):

…this being my favourite picture of him because he’s not even posing.

Needless to say, women tend to drop trou around him and I’m sure the girl who took this photo passed out as soon as she went Click. (Re the beads, I think in Tempe there’s something similar to Mardi Gras and chances are he started with a U-Haul of those necklaces.)

He’s here receiving a special blog entry because of how much support he’s given me these last few months, and how engaged and patient he’s been. He is my touchstone and my comfort blanket. Period. (When we’re not chatting on the phone, he’s offering me support via email such as found here.)

I can only here discuss him because the other boys are still developing who they are; I have no doubt that within the next few years, they’ll be the same calibre of man as Ragheb…God knows they’re well on their way. Also, I’m going to talk about Ragheb because it’s to him that I’m closest. (And he knows all of my secrets.)

There are two things I admire most about Ragheb – apart from his obvious willingness to listen to me for hours and actually pay attention to what I’m saying and then provide feedback.

First is that’s he’s a fighter, and from this comes a fierce confidence. I’ve never known him to back down, to be scared of anything, or to ever simply stop. Ever.

Nothing to him is unattainable and it is amazing to learn just how engaged he is in this life. Even when he’s f*cked it up – which we’ve all done – he’s immediately stood up and forged a different road to get to where he needs to be. His only fear is one: God.

Second, he never imparts blame and instead takes full responsibility for his actions, absorbing the repercussions of his choices without so much as a sigh of protest.

I am reminded of this at every conversation and I am pushed to be a better woman because of it. I’ve recently discovered just how critical it is to acknowledge all of the errors I’ve made as an individual and that find me where I am today. The moment we blame others is the moment we say: I am not responsible, I am not accountable.

There’s a fine line here between moments in life where we are truly not responsible, and those instances where we actively cede responsibility because it’s the easier thing to do.

The bottom line is, we live and we learn and we make mistakes – for most of which we are responsible – and we move forward still. (I think the choice here is that we live our lives either blaming everyone else or acknowledging our engagement in the composition of who we are and where we are. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that people don’t wrong you, because sooner or later someone most definitely will, it just means that apart from you dealing with that particular wrong, those people are of no concern to you – your concern is your own character and how you treat people, even when you’ve been wronged.)

Back to My Favourite Boy. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: the woman to whom he will be devoted is blessed, because for all of his fierceness, the core of him is of unshakeable devotion and loyalty.

I LOVE HIM.

Done gushing.

It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock
in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone;
I am such a long way in I see no way through,
and no space; everything is close to my face,
and everything close to my face is stone.

I don’t have much knowledge yet in grieft –
so this massive darkness makes me feel small.
You be the master: make yourself fierce, break in:
then your great transforming will happen to me,
and my great grief cry will happen to you.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

The bestest sox (a different kind of Crack) in the whole world

What I looked like on my birthday in 2007

…and what our really nice waiter brought out for us in celebration of said birthday

Thank you, Ms. Klein

Thank you, Mr. Aldo

This is one of my Secret Books…

…where I tuck away my secret gardens

…that hide my angels

…and prettiest girls

…and where you’ll also find my Crack designs

On the 19th of this month, we went to a retreat at Meech Lake, where this was my view

…and where at break, I sat and watched it rain from here

This is my contribution to the world of hilariously pretentious art: Marvin Under Glass. (I am certain Marvin’s great great grandfather served as the muse to Kafka.)

I am quite terrified of insects – only recently having accepted that Lady Bugs don’t bite and inject you with a venomous substance driving you to Mad Lady Disease when you least expect it.

Borne of that fear is ‘Marvin Under Glass’. I can’t kill insects in the normal way (swatting or stamping) – this affliction being so bad that I once ran all over our apartment with a can of Easy Off oven cleaner, wearing oven mitts, chasing down a moth. I needed to kill it and I thought suffocation was the best venue. When she died, I used an approximate 2,716 tissues to scoop her up, while still wearing my mitts. I then threw her off the balcony.

If I were into killing people, I’d have come up with at least 58 different gases and toxins that wouldn’t force me to either see or hear the sound of Death.

Back to Marvin. Marvin and I were alone in the apartment and I had no idea he was even home because that is just how sly Marvin really is. I hear he’s always been that way, and so I accept this reality.

Anyway. I was crossing over from the kitchen to the television room when Marvin decided to run past me at top speed. His hundreds of legs can really move, and considering he was quite nearly the colour of the carpet, I mistook him for a ripple in the carpet itself until I stopped walking and took a closer look at which point my gag reflexes kicked in.

I screamed repeatedly and then calmly walked into the kitchen, put down my bowl of Frosted Flakes and took out the only glass mug baba has. I approached Marvin very carefully and more quietly popped the glass mug over top of him.

Rumour is that Marvin’s family is sneaky and so I decided to add another layer of pressure to the original glass mug so that Marvin’s family wouldn’t come over, raise the original mug and allow him to flee.

I was particularly scared that he managed to bring in a glass cutter with him and so I sat by guarding him until baba came home, at which point I stood on top of the chair and asked him to please kill Marvin.

Additionally, I wrote for baba and taped to the front door a Newsletter On: The Circumstances Which Led to Marvin Under Glass, and would you please kill him already.

My father stared at me as though I should have been the one beneath glass. But he still killed Marvin, of whom all that’s left is this memory.

The following is a compilation of the entries I had to make (and then delete) over the last 48 hours, in an effort to fix something manually. The bolded text denotes the title of each entry.

I’ve always been intrigued by Zodiac signs
…and the alignment of the planets. I don’t understand any of it, and I usually laugh at it – unlike the fortune cookie, which I take very seriously – but deep down inside, I’m always a little bit curious.

Another thing I’m curious about
Is the infinite stupidity of wo/man. I’m usually left agog – is that the correct spelling? – by it. I am the first to suffer from it, too.

I am about to head out for dinner with some friends
Late dinners are the best, n’est pas?

How many of you watch television?
I usually watch shows online.

I don’t know if this one will make it through!
Did it?

1969
Was a good year…

So was 1846
Or so I hear.

1456
Was a boring year.

But 1948 most definitely was not
Jog your political memories, kids.

Dinner this weekend
Was a lot of fun and I managed to get some excellent pictures.

And I will post them soon
As soon as I get my BabyMac back from her Doctor’s. It’s on her I have Bluetooth.

And then I can simply sit back and enjoy you enjoying them
Because as much as I think I need time away from here, here is really where I belong.

A big hello to Yasmine
because she’s watching the show =)

No one told me what they thought of Fox Mulder
No one finds him interesting?

This is not a hack
It’s me making some changes to this blog, and this is the only way to do it.

I think I have at least 30 more of these sessions
But at least everything’ll be ready for next week without problems.

Remember: This isn’t a hack
It’s me making some manual changes to my interWeb Home. Things will be messy for at least another 24 hours. xox

This has been a lengthy process but necessary
Thanks to Fiery for the concerned call about my Blog =)

And to all of the emails asking
‘Yo WHAT’S UP? with your space? It’s filled with numbers and it looks weird and when are you coming to NY?’

I have enough travel plans to take me through to
the end of the year but I’ll tell you all about that soon enough once I get this blog fix under control.

Fingers crossed that this will be the second of last
Because I think things are finally working themselves out backstage on this blog. I don’t want to jinx myself, just in case things go all wonky again and I have to spend near 4 hours fixing =)

If any of you like Sci Fi / Fantasy lit
Then I recommend you pick up The Stormcaller series. I’m reading the second installment, the name of which escapes me, but it’s brilliant. Beautiful writing, if you like that sort of thing.

I love chicken noodle soup
And I’m looking forward to life. In general, I’m really looking forward to all of it.

I guess I may as well list the upcoming trips
Montreal (R & R, I won’t be seeing you this time, as I have to see E – next time it’ll be Roor, then full circle to Ranoon again. Sorry, it has to be this way or else I feel like I’m cheating at least one of you)

Toronto

NYC

Cairo

Dubai

Oman

I am keeping my fingers crossed that these last entries
Will be the only ones I have to complete, because this has been a real b*tch to work through. I’m happy that you’ve been entertained by the weirdness of the entries.

I like pink
But I’ve recently discovered that I’d much rather red.

It looks like this isn’t over for at least another day
So you’ll have to be a little more patient. Sorry about this.

By the way, all of your emails
Are keeping me entertained as I have to do this.

Nothing is ever as easy as it seems, is it?
Most definitely not in the world of technology.

Hmm, I wonder if any of you are planning any really interesting outings in the next little while
Because if you are, please let me know.

So thank you for at least providing me
Some semblance of normalcy over these last 24 hours.

For the past week
I’ve been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls. The first season of that show was such an absolute treat.

And Alexis Bledel
Is quite possibly one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Milo really screwed that one up, didn’t he?

I had a lovely lunch today
With an old friend who is a real treat. It’s been a while that we’ve been trying to see one another for lunch, even though we work in the same building, and so we finally managed that today.

I may have already mentioned this
But just in case I’ve not had a moment to, my mac is sick – and I am working from alternate computers (this is a very bad thing) – I dropped it off two Sundays past and I won’t receive it until, at least, next Thursday. That’s not saying much for the work flow at the place I’ve left it.

I was contemplating buying a new one
But they don’t make them the BabyMac size anymore. Apparently, there’s rumours that they’ll release a new 12″ model in January, so I’m going to hold off and see what magic Apple springs on us.

I’m running out of things to say at this point
And I just wish this would all be over. Stupid manual fix =(

But I want to write a few more of these
Before watching one episode and then coming back for more.

With another late evening dinner planned
Which is always a great thing. It helps you get to sleep faster.

So does drinking warm milk
And adding a little bit of honey in to that mix.

I’m officially out of debt
I had a pretty strong few months past where I promised to really cut back, and I managed to do just that. My obligations are taking care of themselves and I can look forward to having a little money to play with for the next while – that’s why I’ll be using it to travel, Inshallah.

My cousins are coming into town this weekend
My two gorgeous cousins are coming here for one week. They arrive late on Saturday night and I’m really looking forward to seeing them and spending time with them – one of them has had one h*ll of a year and he’s taken some time to recover, so seeing a healthy him in particular will lighten my heart.

This is not a hack but rather a manual fix
I thought I could do it in 24 hours, but it looks more like a 48 hour process.

It is finally working
All of these manual fixes.

And I may in fact have my blog back
By tomorrow morning, which I didn’t anticipate, but I’m thankful for.

I had a fantastic, long overdue, and lengthy conversation
With T last night which felt great. A smart one, that one =)

And I am now contemplating visiting Mo & Yasmine
And blogger just ate this awesome entry about me hauling things out to The O.C. Yasmine – can we visit Zaytouna? I’d like to have a conversation with Yusuf and maybe get some pointers…and mint tea

Mo, I’d like to visit that strong silent one – not Seth, but his best friend whose name escapes me at the moment.

The catalyst for the East Coast Trip
A death threat from Yasmine in the form of a lovely email shaking her fists at me and at the list of upcoming trips – the closest to The O.C. being NYC. She’s a nice one, that Yasmine, even through all of her threats. She’s…definitely persuasive.

Otherwise, I’ve discovered The World’s Greatest Hair Dresser
His name is Bruno
He works at St-Laurent
In the basement
(It’s really much more appealing than that sounds)
At Tony & Elio Hair Centre
He will turn your hair into chocolate honey

And I’ve purchased the world’s most beautiful and perfect little black dress
It’s a little tarty and I can dig that completely.

It’s strapless and made out of ‘Hi I’m her second skin because she deserves it’ material.

I also purchased Crack that wraps around the ankle…which is, really, the best form of Crack.

I have a art show opening to attend in Toronto and I’ll be wearing the above; I’m excited.

I’ve decided that I’m going to take all of these weird entries
Once the manual blog fix is complete and pool them into one, so that they’re here for always; A little homage to 48 hours of virtual manual labour.

This is in fact why I’m trying to make them a little more readable now
Rather than boring you with random numbers and letters, I figure that snipets of this is more entertaining on some level.

My week has been good
It’s been filled with introspection and growth and a lot of – figuratively – looking in the mirror. On one night I went out and purchased a cr*p load of donuts and coffee and walked around downtown Ottawa and handed them out to people asking for money. It felt good to remember that I’m blessed, no matter what. I figure that so long as I can do something that simple, I’m okay.

Unfortunately, though
I’ve lost – as of yesterday – 8 pounds this last week. I don’t know where they went and I want them back because I was happy with my body. I like the way I looked and now I’m shrinking and I don’t want to shrink anymore. I just can’t eat yet…and so it will take me time to find this lost weight and glue it back on.

I’m also having my first cup of coffee this morning
I’ve not had once since last week and I’m starting off slow. It’s a small cup, with a lot of milk, and hardly any sugar. This is unusual for me, as I usually take the King Kong size and fill it with cream and tons of sugar. I like my coffee much like a dessert.

Update on the BabyMac
I spoke with The Mac Group folks yesteday and they told me that my hard drive (one word or two?) is busted and must be replaced. BabyMac should come home by next Thursday, Inshallah. And then pictures!! That’ll make it almost three weeks that I’ll have gone without BabyMac, and it’s been quite a bit of a trauma. He’s been missed =(

I am eating at least one banana a day
And I went and had a one hour massage, and have booked myself in for one weekly for the next month. It does the body good, though not necessarily the pocket book – but like I said, I’m Out Of Debt (OOD) and so can pamper myself and those around me.

This evening, I’m heading out for dinner with J
We worked together on the Beirut Crisis Line centre and fell in love. She is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met and this evening should be unadulterated hilarity. Just what the Doctor ordered, actually.

Friends
I have a friend named D. D and I met in University while both taking an Existentialism course. I showed up for the first one and came back only for the papers and exams. He never understood how I got good grades, but a few of us in the Philosophy group would always get together and discuss, at length, who we agreed with and who was a moron – because as university students, we believed we had the brain capacity to do just that. Needless to say, once Uni was over, I would receive a random call from D once a year for a little ‘touching base’ scenario. Two years back, that call came from the Department where I work. He’s worked here since and the friendship has blossomed. He’s a pretty special guy, really – he leaves with his girlfriend for Australia in a couple of weeks and it’ll be weird not having coffee with him daily.

A few more of these today and then Inshallah
…simply a compilation and a moving on without any more crazy manual blog fixes. I’m going to start compiling all of them immediately! I’m excited about it.

Did I mention that I’m eating a lot of bananas?
Like a little monkey, I’ve been carrying a lot of bananas with me. They’re good for the soul.

That’s it for the manual blog fixes. Normal scheduling now resumes. Thank you for your patience.

First come, first served: If anyone wishes to have the following, please send me your full mailing address. I will send to you these seven books free of charge. I’ve written all through them and made tons of notes because 99% of the information was new to me…

Good Growing: Why Organic Farming Works by Leslie A. Duram
Cultivating Utopia: Organic Farming and Rural Culture by Kregg Hetherington
Organic Farming by Nicolas Lampkin and C.R.W. Spedding
Harvest: A Year in the Life of an Organic Farm by Nicola Smith
Successful Small-Scale Farming: An Organic Approach by Karl Schwenke
Organic Farming: Everything You Need to Know by Peter V. Fossel
It’s a Long Road to a Tomato: Tales of an Organic Farmer Who Quite the Big City for the (Not So) Simple Life by Keith Stewart and Flavia Bacarella

Comments field here closed – you should all know my email by now. Thx.

“…our Government (USA) did not admit it was a mistake, but it is worse than a mistake because our Government seems to continue to claim the authority to snatch someone off the street, hide behind the fiction of ‘expedited removal’. This wasn’t an expedited removal in this case. An expedited removal would’ve gotten him out of the country and sent to him off to Canada[...]This was a kidnapping[...]This was a kidnapping utilizing the fact that he was here in this country, or at least technically not in this country, but at Kennedy Airport, in order to get him into custody so that he could be sent to someone who does not have our scruples and our laws about torture.[...]

On behalf of my fellow citizens I want to apologize to you, Mr. Arar, for the reprehensible conduct of our Government for kidnapping you, for turning you over to Syria, a Nation that our own State Department recognizes as routinely practicing torture. I also want to apologize for the continued, and from everything I’ve seen, some of which I’m not at liberty to discuss, baseless decision to maintain the fiction that you are a danger to this country.[...]

This conduct does not reflect the values of the American people. The great secrecy employed by the Administration is, I believe, less an attempt to protect our security, than it is an attempt to protect this Administration from the consequences of its actions, and from the consequences of being held accountable at law for what it’s clearly done in breaking the law. There’s no excuse for that.[...]

The Administration was outsourcing torture.[...]

They (The Administration) got assurances from the Syrians that he wouldn’t be tortured. Assurances from a Government that our Government says lies all the time.

Assurances from a Government that our Government says tortures as a matter of routine.

Assurances from a Government that our Government says practices State terrorism?

Who in the Bush Administration was foolish enough to believe in those assurances?

We have to decide whether the Bush Administration is cynical in lying to us and to itself that they believed those assurances, which I believe to be the case, or was foolish in believing assurances from a Government that it says can not be believed.[...]

I was privy, I saw all the classified information yesterday. And I’m not at liberty to reveal all the classified information, but I am at liberty to say that I fully concur with Justice O’Connor in saying that there is nothing there. There is nothing there that justifies the campaign of vilification against your (Arar) name Sir, or that justifies, in my mind, denying you entry into this country, or characterizing you as a terrorist in any way.”
- NYC Democrat Jerrold Nadler, October 18, 2007, at The Subcommittee on International Organizations, Human Rights, and Oversight: Rendition to Torture: The Case of Maher Arar. (United States House of Representatives, House Committee on Foreign Affairs.)

Maher Arar is still barred from entering the USA and remains on their ‘Watch List’. (Because, really, why would they let him get near a US Court where he could legally tear The Administration a new a**hole?)

Feel free to watch the entire 3 hour session as I did for there’s much to be learned.

You’re a smart enough bunch to reach your own conclusions…

to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me-eeeee
Happy Birthday to me

I was born at 8.04am years ago today.

(Pretty picture courtesy of This Next.)

In a photos thread about a month back, I posted some pictures from Di & Pierre’s Day After The Wedding Day. Here’s my favourite shot from the wedding day itself; the ease of intimacy captured on film isn’t something that’s too often palpable as it is here…