So I’ve received some interesting emails from both men and women since posting the blurb that: “(Did you know that men are the ones who fall in love at first sight? It’s not actually women, but rather men who will tell you that from the very first moment they saw her, spoke to her, watched her walk up a set of steps, handed her a coffee over the counter, etc ad infinitum, they know that she’s the one they want to marry. It’s men, not women, who are the eternal romantics (this, not to be confused with a woman’s inclination to romance in the form of flowers and candles.))” (This info I picked up at least a year ago in a men’s magazine but can’t remember which. Apologies.)
People want an explanation and so I am going to pretend I know what I’m talking about.
(1) A man who needs to be convinced that the woman he’s with is the woman he should stay with is a man who will either:
(a) Eventually leave that woman; or,
(b) Marry that woman and never feel completely fulfilled.
(2) I have yet to hear a man declare: “I’m ready for commitment” while being single. (Lest they are relatively religious and are actively seeking the covenant of marriage. Or worse still, if they are lonely and a woman is nothing more than a filler.) Whereas almost every single woman I know has said at one point or another: “I am ready for a family / commitment / marriage / children”.
I do believe – and this is my opinion – that a man is only ever ready for commitment the moment he meets the woman to which he wants to commit. And so when that woman comes into his life, she does – usually unknowingly – change things about his life (& ain’t no man changin’ if he don’t want to). She becomes the catalyst for everything else and so it would seem relatively normal and logical that that individual is romanticised.
A lot of women are rooted in romanticizing the situation, rather than the individual. Marriage, commitment, children, family. They sound good to most, and so it is the situation that drives the desire in this case. We tend to romanticise the situation whereas men tend to romanticise the individual.
Perhaps this is why a woman’s inclination is toward the visual romantic (such as candles) whereas the man’s focus is on the woman (read: sex) and his connection to her. (Please understand I’m not here discussing a random booty call, but rather the very real connection yearned for when two people come together; in men it’s the driver. And yes it is also a driver for women, perhaps even a stronger driver for women; we just deal with it differently. Again, it doesn’t matter if we’re built that way or if we’re conditioned to believe we are that way. The point is, it is a reality, so perhaps to clarify, I will say that sex is a part of the human condition. It is a part of all drivers. There. Happy?)
I’m sure that someone out there can tie the above to the way men are raised / born. Aggression and risk taking are drivers for them; when they see something they want, they go after it and think about the consequences later. Same could be said when they set their sites on a woman they want for life, from the moment they see her.
Q: Why would an Alpha ever let the ‘perfect’ woman get away?
A: He’s a Beta.
Or…all of the above could be pure bullshit. You decide.