Editorial note: I am, in fact recycling this from years past…because it’s just that fkn good. Read. Enjoy. Comment. x

Recall how last year I told you about my need to be a Mayflower Madame for Halloween as a young child. Following that, I was a witch, another year a ballerina, and finally a ghost. The last time I was wh*ring around on Halloween was at the tender age of nine, pretending to be God only knows what (I called it “a lady”). Anything to prance around in my mother’s Crack and wear red rouge.

When I grew up, I dressed up once for Halloween, I was a bumblebee. I wasn’t sexy, I was a bumblebee. I was wearing a large barrel and would lay on my side with my arms awkwardly sticking out because I couldn’t actually sit. Anything I drank, I drank through a straw. My antennas rocked and I received a lot of compliments about my costume.

I’ve been speaking with several women about their costumes, and I am a little surprised by their intentions. Each one of these women is beautiful, successful, and intelligent. Add to that, each woman is using the occasion to show off her sexuality by being a “sexy (insert whatever pleases you)”. So, we have:
- A sexy bunny
- A Playboy bunny (way to move the sisterhood forward!)
- A sexy cowgirl
- A sexy nurse
- A sexy librarian

My male friends, on the other hand, are going to be:
- A gorilla
- A dead cowboy
- A seal
- A pirate
- A mobile telephone
- A plumber
…there is nothing sexy about any of the above male choices unless the gorilla decides to become a baboon and paint its ass red. Whereas none of the men declared “a sexy cowboy” or a “sexy pirate”, each and every woman did. And when I pressed further, I was told that it was the perfect opportunity for them to show off the fact that they are “sexy”.

And so this has left me a little disconcerted, without really understanding why it was upsetting me…until I finally realized that there are two layers to my personal distaste re the above. First, it is that these women – who have everything going for them – feel the need to illustrate overtly, their sexuality. None of them believe that by default and by virtue of the fact that they are women, they are already sexy.

They don’t need to take off their clothes or show a little more cleavage or a little more ass. They ARE sexy because they’re of the female sex. It is built in us, it is in the way we move and the way we touch our hair, look at you, smile at you, put on our lipstick, take off our glasses, stand, sit, walk, and dial the phone. I quite honestly believe that no matter the size of a woman’s ass or chest, she is stunning and sexy in all of her incarnations. It inhibits every aspect of us…and need not be brought to (often times debasing) attention (though in private and with one chosen, this story changes – but this I believe to be a privilege bestowed on few; and here I refer to the ‘attention brought to’ part of the sentence rather than the ‘debasing’ part).

The second red flag I see with the above is as follows…
When I asked: “Why is it important that you be perceived as ‘sexy’?”, none of the women were able to provide a straight answer, instead tip toeing around the reality that it’s for attention. What I hate about this is that – in terms of my personal beliefs – it’s the easiest and therefore most fleeting sort of attention. Several of the women kept stating how it would be “empowering” to play the sex kitten.

Really?
Really?

Ok, so then my Q is: How hard is it to get a man’s attention with your boobs hanging out or when your ass is much higher than your pantline?
A: Not very, sweetheart so get a fucking grip, already, you mindless, needy, and infantile excuse for a woman and stop setting the god damn sisterhood back into the beds of Hugh fkn Hefner.

(Aside no 1: & let’s touch briefly on what differentiates the men from the boys, because a quality man will always want a woman who not only has a brain, but a woman who actively ensures that her brain trumps all of the other attributes – this should never be seen as sidestepping the reality that a man will always look. He will always look at the female form – and likely even imagine what it would be like to bend it over the back of the couch – but that’s not about you…and it is not a reflection on your self-worth. It’s the male form. Acknowledge that and then set it aside, knowing fully well that a man engaged in mind and body is a man who would not act on those thoughts.

A man engaged in only one or other may very well act on that thought – and on that couch.

Take your pick, ladies. Decide rationally and logically and then take a step toward being the kind of woman you think you can handle.

Aside no 2: If your self esteem stems from the men in your life…well…then you’ve got big fkn problems. I recommend finding a hobby. Simply put: Get a life.

Aside no 3: And let’s assume you’ve met a relatively interesting man with whom you delude yourself into believing there exists potential. You meet him dressed like a whore. The impression you’re going to give him is that: you’re a whore. Unless that’s your gig, then don’t be surprised when he starts treating you like one and don’t feign malcontent & indignation when you’re treated with disrespect.

Because it’s about the whole package – and yes; of course clothes matter! OF COURSE THEY DO you knob.

And if I, to you, sound a little backwards and too traditional, well…that’s something I am very proud of…especially when I see what’s out there…and I can guarantee you one thing: If I ever choose to commit to a man whose chosen to commit to me, he will be a quality man that few dream of because he won’t ever be the sort of man that would find a mindless set of tits and ass worth committing to because to approach me, a man would have to begin from a position of strength. That sentence right there? That’s not arrogance, but rather, it is awareness of what I bring to the table. It’s also passing judgement. Deal with it.)

There’s much to be said about our society stemming from the above reality; although you may be wondering why I would be upset by this, I do believe it lends itself to a much greater and deeper problem in our society. There’s MUCH to be said about the feminist movement as well, but for now (and just for today) I’m going to leave it at this: Empowerment does not come from your breasts, nor does it come from your ass. Most definitely it is not this strange belief that because we, as women, now have the right to f*ck as often and as frequently as men, we are therefore equal to them. (And if you would like to talk about the “empowerment” of females in the porn industry who “choose” their profession, please consider this an invitation to engage me and those who live here in the comments field of this entry.)

Empowerment comes from your accomplishments and your return to this world (and for those who believe, then also in your return to Him). Empowerment and strength are when you overcome the odds and the challenges blocking your way, and not when you use the easiest means accessible. Ergo, empowerment is not about using your God given sexuality that resonates in every single movement flowing through you, it is about taking the road less traveled and on the 31st of October, that means dressing up as a bumblebee or a cardboard box.

Aside no 4: I’d like to place one small thought into the minds of women reading this blog (all of the brilliant men, too, who will undoubtedly print this up and hand it to their daughters in 10 years). We possess the right to make a choice. What seems to have been lost in translation is that since we’ve been given a right which has always been ours, our only “choice” seems to have become: giving it up, and to put it crassly, it is to undress and sleep with dozens of men at our own whim. Otherwise, you may be perceived as frigid or “square”. Does that then mean that your actions are in fact a “choice”, or are you merely choosing not to act, but to avoid a specific label? (Ultimately, choosing the later is still a “choice” but it is most definitely not about equality and if that’s what you choose, then at least own it like a real woman would. Don’t lie and say it’s about empowerment because you look like a fool…and not to me (because, really, to you, I don’t matter; respect from your sisters isn’t the issue, is it?), but rather to the dozens of men who understand that your confidence depends almost entirely on your sexual engagements.)

Few people talk about the following “choice”, which is based on the belief that: Everything about you is unique, special, invaluable, timeless and rare.

You are among the world’s most treasured items. The items that hold these same characteristics and values are items we protect and to which the majority of humanity does not have access. The reason a Picasso is so valued is in part due to its (im)perfection but also because of the lack of access to it. Make this a reality of who you are and treat your bodies in this same vein because you truly are a work of art.

(originally published 10/27/07 at 1.04pm)

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