Dear Taylor Kitsch,

Hi Rigglett. How are you? I am very well – more so than usual, because Ramadan is over and I may now have my morning venti americano with a lot of milk.

Also, I have been cheating on you ever since Jared Padalecki took off his shirt. I thought you should know.

Thanks for the memories,
Maha
P.S. I hope you don’t think of me as a slut for cheating on you, unless, of course, you like cheating sluts, in which case, I remain yours forever.

Dear Jared Padalecki,

Hi. How are you? I am good.

You look terribly smart in your towel and I bet you love to talk about politics and theology.

Also, thank you for being the descendant of People With Fantastic Genes. Really, seriously. Unlike yours, my Tribe is not fitted up by People With Fantastic Genes, but rather People With Alright Genes And Every Once In A While, You Know…Not Too Shabby And We Can Really Surprise You.

Also, please undress more often.
Er…! I hope you like the font color I have chosen in honor of you.

I love your body,
Maha
P.S. I am having great difficulty not calling you DEAN as I loved you very much on Gilmore Girls. Much more than dirty Jess and definitely more than the blond man-child who Rori dated for much too long.

P.S. no 2 Please cut your hair, my love. Or grow it to one length. Anything but bangs..’cus bangs are for pixies.

Dear Connie Britton & Kyle Chandler,

HI! HOW ARE YOU?
O! So happy that we’re talking again!
I miss the both of you equally.
I understand you will be away until the stupid Executives at whichever dumb place you work for have decided it’s time for you to return because they are completely out of touch with reality and clearly good taste is dead.

I thought I would let you know that your absence is noted and you are missed by both myself and every single one of my 9 friends who I have introduced to Friday Night Lights.

That is all (insert sad emoticon here, please),
Maha
P.S. This shade of font is called “lavender blush”. I don’t get it, either.
P.S. Coach Eric Taylor? I would trade both above mentioned children Taylor Kitsch and Jared Padalecki for you in your angry man shorts. For true. xo

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