Prolific Immigrant

The f*ckery began Friday when M sent me a link to an article which indicated that: (1) FNL is most definitely ending after Season 5; and, (2) Rigglett will not be in much of the final season due to scheduling conflict for some movie on Mars. (You read that right.)

Since the initial trauma of that read, I have received many hysterical emails (thank you, yes, but I beseech** you to please cease and desist) that FNL will be one Rigglett short of a full deck.

Don’t get me wrong; I love Billy Riggins, but he has (so far) this season done nothing but fail 26-pack Rigglett. By default, that means that Billy has failed me as well, since Timmy is Master of My Loins. (Q: Do I have loins or is it only men who have loins? Don’t have time to Google, so you receive full impact of the air in my head.)

Dear Billy,

Whose gonna pass Timmy his taters from now on, dumbass?
(But, I like you better with short buzzed hair (so well done there).)

xox
Maha

Until further notice, please take a deep breath and focus on the facts:

(1) There is no concrete evidence that Season 5 will in fact be the final season. There is, however, speculation that this will be the case. Speculation and fact are two very different things so chill because you are increasing my hysteria and I can only yell so many times at Baby Jane: “Friday Night Lights CAN’T END EVER. I want to be eighty watching COACH ERIC TAYLOR and his angry walker adventures“; and,
(2) The Stupid Hollywood Muppets – at DISNEY – regulating the schedule for John Carter of Green Planets and Bikini-Clad Girlies (JCGPBCG) have yet to confirm their complete and total ignorance re Tim Riggins as one of the ‘connect dots’ of FNL. Give them a chance to un-Muppet before you crucify them. They may surprise us, as Muppetts often do.

Dear Friday Night Lights Writers,

Hi.
Me again: MAHA.
The child in whose backyard Riggins is currently living? She needs to put on some pants. Immediately.

Thanks for that.
Maha

Comments closed (I am studying and pounded this out super quick; sorry for errors.).

==========
**Thank you, FNL Podcast for reminding me that the word ‘beseech’ exists.

This is the third and final post to part 1: Longhorns crush Denver & a Canuck learns the secret handshake & remains clueless re Football, unless associated with Taylor Kitsch & COACH ERIC TAYLOR

and

part 2: Americans throw the pig’s skin around and HI! COACH ERIC TAYLOR! .

Intifadah: To awaken from slumber.

Before the game began, pomp and circumstance were the leading culprits on the field. Wherever one looked, there were sad little people wearing costumes which were likely sewn by Lou-Ellen in 1963. Take this gentleman, as example, and the unfortunate reality of his long torso, as stuffed within his Cowboy Cartoon outfit. No doubt, on a regular day, he rocks his everyday clothes, and so it must be with great distress that he meets UT’s insistence to dress as Woody from Toy Story, rather than the Marlboro Man…from my dreams.

Alongside the band was a crew of UT students flopping around next to and beneath the State of Texas flag. Among the more memorable points of the evening was when a few of them were caught beneath the flag. Uncertain as to whether or not they would ultimately survive, I overheard one gentleman cry out ‘Oh ma Gawd, them kids is caught’eneath the flag. Fkn BIN LADEN!’

The audience watches as the team comes out on to the field, and as each player slaps the horns of a longhorn beefer hung on the wall. This ritual was not at all a surprise as I have learned from Friday Night Lights, each team has a very specific baptismal right of passage through which each player must enter and exit before hitting the field (e.g., before exiting the locker room, each Panther slaps the ‘P’ on the wall. PANTHERS SUCK! GO EAST DILLON!). What was wholly unexpected to me was the eruption from the fans; literally, as the images began to float across the Godzillatron, the audience erupted and kept erupting long past the point at which the entire team was on the field. I was so busy being shocked that I in fact missed the Longhorns’ run out on to the green.

Before the game began, the Longhorns had a little chat with Jesus, because no one – and I mean no one – pays more attention to Longhorns football games than Jesus Christ (peace be upon him). When it’s game night, there is no room for poverty or lepers, war, famine and disease for The Lord; no doubt, he changes from white robe to pumpkin orange robe on game day. (All snarky sarcasm aside, I think it’s all kinds of awesome that they say a prayer before the game; I really do. GO LONGHORNS! I’ll say a little prayer for you with Allah.)

For the first half of the game, it appeared as though the Longhorns defense were either asleep or drunk. Either way, I was surprised to watch them get their asses kicked all over the field by Denver (or Colorado). So much that I expected, as COACH ERIC TAYLOR (HI!) would have done on Friday Night Lights, Mack Brown to be Angry Hair Yelling at the team. But he was not; instead, he was mostly squatting and watching and secret-talking into his headset. For those of you who watch Longhorns football, you will have seen the Official Mack Brown Squat, which is him, legs bent, hands on knees, looking like he is ready to go for a poop in a Vietnamese bathroom. My guess is that somewhere behind his bum and atop his hamstrings is an invisible $3M cushion which makes this comfy – the $3M being his annual salary.

Luckily, the Longhorns made a serious and amazing comeback and went on to win the game. I will not bore you with the details of the game itself, as you can find them on line, though I will say I would make an excellent football commentator as I was filled with gems such as “The hell?” “What?” “Are they drunk?” “Is that Billy Riggins?” “Do you know Taylor Kitsch?” “Oh! They’re running really fast” “Is my hair ok?” & “Where can I buy a pretzel?”.

I won’t even tell you the final score since, honestly, I can’t remember. I will, however, tell you that for every touchdown, there were cowboys in the corner of the stadium who would fire a cannon…a Longhorns game is not for the faint of heart..after which, this gentleman would run out on to the field and wave the giant Longhorns flag, followed by five others with a flag each, spelling out T E X A S because subtlety is key.

Overall, the experience was amazing and I found myself yelling loudly and with serious pain and excitement and anxiety during the fourth quarter. I had become invested without even knowing it. It helped that I was surrounded by a wonderful group of folks, two of whom are Connie (HI!) and Tams (OLA!). Connie very diligently and awesomely sends me Longhorns updates almost post every game. As of today, the Longhorns have ten wins and zero losses. These boys may just go all the way this year with Mack Brown, making it the Longhorns’ second Championship under his coaching (he would only require one more to equal the championships under the leadership of Darrel Royal – whose son, incidentally, was named ‘Mack’). If this happens to be the case, I plan on taking all of the credit.

In closing, please enjoy the near-religious-fervor overcoming the crowd after the win; this is a video of the Longhorns fan singing the UT anthem…under my breath, I was singing MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This, in my small effort to sing-along.

My camera battery died, shortly before we began our drive along California’s Highway 1, and so this is the only video from our California Roadtripping. In fact, the entire photo set (to come) of the drive currently sits on disposable cameras, so I am excited to see their outcome.

Once stories from Austin are wrapped, I will write a few short pieces about California. Enjoy xox.

Hi all – Quickie to let you know I will be absent and completely off-line until Thursday November 12.

Emails and berry pings will go unread until then.

Have a good and safe week, please.

xox m

Comments closed.

Remember this entry about The Black T-Shirt?

My coaches read it and consequently reconsidered their ‘athletes only’ stipulation for the (perfect shade of) black tee.

Since, they have created a black tee for all to enjoy – the ‘athletes’, such as the weirdly named ‘Gee Gees’, have on their black tee that they are training for enhancing sport performance, whereas the new non-’athlete’ specific black tee – worn by the likes of me – proudly informs the reader that the individual wearing it is in fact a WBK athlete, and I am very happy about this. Happy enough to have screamed really loudly in my head when my coach told me the good news and its direct relation to something I had written.

Why? Because the grueling training that we love and show up for twice weekly should make us some sort of ‘athlete’ and a WBK athlete can kick your athlete’s ass.

Bravo WBK!

**********

Copyright of image belongs to WBK Boxing; I am merely stealing it for illustrative purposes.

Dear Friday Night Lights Writer – here are a few berry messenger notes between Baby Jane and I while watching the season 4 premiere of FNL. Take from the following what you will, including typos (as they were):

Meesho: Angry sunglasses! GO COACH ERI TAYLOR!!!

Meesho: Racoooooon!!!!!

Meesho: Oh I LOVE him for lining the field himself

J.​ Ho: Him kicking theb door? So funny and cute
Me​esho: LOVE him
J.​ Ho: Knew u would
Me​esho: Toooooooooo cute the door kicking!!!! He lloks good in red. Yum. Landry looks good.
Me​esho: I love it when he calls boys “son”

Meesho: “six am means quarter till six.” Heh.

Me​esho: I hated seeing Buddy running next to that stupid golf cart

Me​esho: I love Tami – she looks AMAZING

Me​esho: Matt has lost too much weight

Meesho: “billy tater me” nice

Me​esho: K wow – the town hall where Tami gets nailed to the wall? I want to smack McCoy’s smirk off his face. So insiduous, his character.

Me​esho: Landry must have been using a new cleanser over the summer because his face has really cleared up

Me​esho: O. M. G. I LOVE his super duper enthusiastic new coach who repeats everything CET says, just louder and more aggressive!

Me​esho: Why is JD McCoy drinking and standing with a crack whore?
Me​esho: GO MATT beating the shit out of JD
Me​esho: I hope that b.tch breaks his arm in three places (JD not Matt)

Me​esho: “All I wanted to do was come home”
So sad. So sad my Rigglett

Me​esho: I really like Devon and I hope they make her a regular

Me​esho: He’s going to have a rough year, Rigglett – self discovery, I hope

Me​esho: “Landry, stop throwin the ball, you look like a girl…just a funny lookin’ creature you are.”
GO GRANMAW!!

Me​esho: “GET OUT O MY HOUSE”
Wow
Wow
Wow
Me​esho: The entire scene with CET telling the asshats to get the hell out of his house RIGHT NOW
Goosebumps
J.ho: me too
J.ho: A lot
J.ho: That was a crazy scene
J.ho: He’s an amazing actor

Me​esho: love the look on rigglett’s face when asked if the woman he just screwed would be able to drive anytime soon
Me​esho: He needs to gain a little bit of weight

Me​esho: “You need to stop doin that. You need to stop repeating everything I say. You’re freakin me out.” Awesome.

Me​esho: O first coach defects from Panthers to East!
Me​esho: GO EAST DILLON!!!!

Me​esho: Tami has caught every single game he’s ever coached? That’s so frigging cool.

Me​esho: JULIE SHOOTS AND SCORES!!! She is wanting to go to East Dillon! I am so proud of her. So proud.

Me​esho: When that kid said that CET sounded like an infomercial, I nearly hit my screen And think it safe to say that I would have beat that boy down in CET’s house if I had overheard him

Me​esho: I think that they asked Tami to flip the coin so that she wouldn’t be with CET to support him
The bastards!
I hope the Panthers LOOSE!!!!
Oh!
She knows it too!!!!
Me​esho: She just flipped and won the coin toss and asked for the OPPOSITE of what they wanted her to ask for
I love tami
LOVE HER
What a woman this character is

Me​esho: Landry should be the Captain
Me​esho: Coach is angry yelling and his hair is CRAZY. I dig.

Me​esho: OMG East Dillon is so sad…But they’re red and so they will beat out cold creepy BLUE
O Coach just stuck his finger in Landry’s mouth HEH!
BOO it must have broken his heart to forefeit

Meesho: Gah
Meesho: Gah
Meesho: GaaaaaAAAAAkkkkKKKK
Meesho: It’s already OVER!!!!!!!
Meesho: NOooioooooooooioIO
Meesho: I’m so sad now
Meesho: I love Coach Eric Taylor
Jho: wasn’t it good?
Jho: It sped by
Jho: Forfit
Jho: Must have killed him
Me​esho: KILLED him
Me​esho: Imagine the sex he and Tami had that night?
Me​esho: I wish they would make FNL-porn
J.​ Ho: Ha!
J.ho: That’s hilarious
J.ho: Friday night lightsl out

Comments closed.

I am writing this on the berry directly into Blogger, so please pardon the spelling errors and grammar flubs.

I am here for an annual check-up and it seems that tempers are high and patience is low.

A walk-in patient was taken in before a woman with an appointment. The woman with an appointment very aggressively challenged the walk-in’s husband (still seated outside in the common area). A combination of ‘your wife shouldn’t have gone in before me’ to ‘she was an emergency case, you don’t get to make that call’ was fine, though annoying.

Suddenly, it became ‘shut up’ to ‘no, I think you’d better shut up’, too loudly and aggressively for any good to come of it.

Clearly, we’d just stepped into the Middle East peace negotiations.

I am seated in a slightly separate area, though we could all see one another. As soon as the ‘shut up’s were introduced, I put my book down and went over to calm both cartoon characters down since the nurses and admin assistants were merely watching in fascination.

When I first threw my hat into the ring, the husband turned his aggression toward me. Thankfully, I somehow pulled the right comments out of my ass and he laughed and I was able to sit next to Woman-With-Appointment and cool both of their shit down.

No more than 5 minutes it took to confirm they weren’t angry at one another, but rather the administration. Also, that it was Monday and no one wanted to start their week off being told to shut up. And that it was rude to do so, under any circumstance where the players are above the age of 7.

When they focussed their attention on The Man rather than one another, I excused myself to come here and tell you, because I think there’s an important lesson to be learned: honestly, and without tongue in cheek, if peace is what you want to find, then peace is precisely what you’ll get.

There’s usually almost always common ground, if you’re interested in finding and owning it – even with the greatest of asshats. We just need to care enough, and I sometimes find it easier with a stranger who I don’t know from a hole in the wall, than with someone I know personally who has hurt either myself or someone I love.

As the Woman-With-Appointment left, she said “thanks for stepping in…I was getting nervous because I don’t think he was going to stop“, and as the husband was leaving, he flipped me a thumb’s up and offerred a “you did good, kid“.

Score:
Maha 1
Week 0

*Sigh*. I wish COACH ERIC TAYLOR (HI!) had been here to witness my – clearly – supreme negotiation skills.