Comments on: On Being A Mean Girl

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:33:52 +0000

I can soooooo say 'been there' in response to your post. I agree, it is a horrible and unhappy, festering place. A few things I learned to remind myself of when I begin to slip back into a grinchy state is this:
1. life is about self-expression, not self-justification
2. you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself first
3. you can't love others uless you love yourself first
4. being a giving person doesn't mean you can't give to yourself as well
5. If giving drains you rather than fills you up, then it's not truly giving.
LOVE IS THE ONE ENERGY FORM THAT DOESN'T DEPLETE YOU WHEN YOU GIVE IT. YOU GET TWICE THE ENERGY BACK.

*huggles* you lovely soul, Maha!

By: one female canuck

one female canuck — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:47:52 +0000

Hi everyone – thank you for all of the kind and amazingly quick responses…and support. Thank you so so so much.

A and I had never had a meltdown during the entire course of our friendship – not in nearly 15 years…and this was a psychotic break that very luckily, was so fkn out in left field, we are okay. We are okay so thank you for your generosity of support in all of your comments.

And I am pleased to report that she said "you're not a mean girl", to which I will add one last time, but I was an asshat.

Love to you all xox
m
p.s. Last comment >> BB? I miss you so much…and I hate that we haven't connected in so long. I will call you tomorrow, inshallah, later in the day, if you're around. By the way >> I had not spoken to her in detail about the 'why', but rather an "I'm an ass, and nothing I said was warranted" apology and only fully fleshed it out when – as is always the case – I put fingers to keyboard. I made certain she read this, in order for her to receive the why (not in order to excuse my behavior, but rather to explain the context – and she has been with me through the thick of things over the last three years, always, that she would understand the complete root cause).

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:57:49 +0000

Maha.. everyone already said what needs to be said about this entry. I can't add more but something tells me you have yet to talk to this woman and open up to her. If you have not yet, she needs to hear you explain what happened and why. She is likely still hurting; stuck on "why"? Sounds almost certian that she will understand. She likely needs the closure as much as you did.

By: Clay

Clay — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:00:33 +0000

Maha, if you tell A the things you've realized about yourself that you've told us here, I am confident that she'll forgive you. Hurts like this take time to heal, but they do eventually.
You are a wonderful soul, if only because you have something in you that lets you admit things like this about yourself despite–no, because of–your shame in them. So thank you.
I'd also like to say ditto to what Thomas said.

By: NKL

NKL — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:51:55 +0000

Dear Maha,

Look how many people admire your honesty and are truly moved by it. So you've looked deeply at a flaw in yourself, and by shining a light on it, you helped others feel understood, and stronger. That's what this kind of generous writing can do. I really do think that we're all flawed, and those who love us, such as your A, understand that, and even, ultimately, love us all the more for it. Being able to look directly at yourself, and change, is the mark of a good person, and that's what you're doing here.

Lovely Maha, strive for perfection, sure, but don't beat yourself up too much, please. Being loveable isn't only about being a shining star of goodness.

xo N.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:35:36 +0000

I love this entry. I believe in your strength. Thank you for the bravery of admitting the shame and disapointment of your own actions. I too hope that your relationship with this woman 'A' you clearly love is fixed. I believe it will be.
x

By: Soha

Soha — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:41:37 +0000

I can't add much more than everyone that has already commented. I agree with them. But I also wanted to tell you Maha that you are one of the people I admire most in the world. You are all those things you strive to be – even if something happened in the past 10 months. You are also strong and honest. I have known you for…has it really been 14 years?…and I can honestly say that you are an amazing human that anyone would be privileged to call their friend! As to the woman you hurt…I hope things work out really soon. Things happen. Honesty helps fix those things…the rest is taken care of by time and/or the strength of your relationship prior to what happened. And by the way you act from now on.

You really are one of my dearest friends. Take care of yourself too!!!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:10:27 +0000

Excellent. This is an excellent study in how one should be responsible for their shit. Really truly sorry you had to hurt someone you loved along the way – but chance is great, Maha, that they know you enough to know something went wrong for you to behave in that manner.

You are lovely and if every person who wronged me behaved in this way, I would likely have more friends.
Steve

By: Maria Calvo

Maria Calvo — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:36:05 +0000

MAMA! This entry made me a little sick to my stomach because I can tell that it's so intense for you. Like good sick to my stomach knots in my stomach like when you're watching someone you love do something really important and you want them to be ok. You're ok. I hope everything is okay with the girlfriend you talk about. I really really do. I love you even though you don't really know me. I admire you so much Maha!!

Hugs,
Maria

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:05:05 +0000

Holy crap, Maha, this is amazing. I echo the above sentiments and am BLOWN AWAY by this entry.

You SHOULD be the next Oprah. You would kill that show.

Love, Fanny