Comments on: Friendships taken for…not enough http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough My motley identities are giving me a wedgie Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:00:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: onefemalecanuck http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-1462 onefemalecanuck Thu, 07 Jul 2011 20:16:08 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-1462 Hi Dee -- and welcome to the site. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I am really truly sorry that you are currently going through something so painful. Bottom line is, most people you meet will behave in rubbish manner. I have learned that it's much more suitable to not cut folks off generally, but to instead just not to bother with them. If you see them...then fine. But don't make the effort or support the friendship. If you feel like the levels of time and energy being put into the relationship are not equal, then believe me when I tell you that there are so very many others who would absolutely *love* the opportunity to hang out with you at equal measure. It is to them and in them that you should invest. The others fade much faster than you can imagine. With so many people in the world, the trick is to place our energy and love in the hands of those who appreciate it. It's really that easy. Please don't let it get you down too much; since writing this article, I have learned that the hurt simply isn't worth it. Not when there are so many wonderful people around who would never give rise to such feelings. Trust. Please come back and let us know how you are doing; I hope that you start feeling better v v soon. Hugs, Maha Hi Dee — and welcome to the site. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I am really truly sorry that you are currently going through something so painful.
Bottom line is, most people you meet will behave in rubbish manner. I have learned that it’s much more suitable to not cut folks off generally, but to instead just not to bother with them. If you see them…then fine. But don’t make the effort or support the friendship. If you feel like the levels of time and energy being put into the relationship are not equal, then believe me when I tell you that there are so very many others who would absolutely *love* the opportunity to hang out with you at equal measure. It is to them and in them that you should invest. The others fade much faster than you can imagine. With so many people in the world, the trick is to place our energy and love in the hands of those who appreciate it. It’s really that easy.
Please don’t let it get you down too much; since writing this article, I have learned that the hurt simply isn’t worth it. Not when there are so many wonderful people around who would never give rise to such feelings. Trust.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing; I hope that you start feeling better v v soon.

Hugs,
Maha

]]> By: Dee http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-1461 Dee Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:16:38 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-1461 I understand how you are feeling. I have just gone through these exact feelings of being there for others and it not being reciprocated. I had gotten sick and no one knew because they never called. I always made the effort to connect with everyone I know and it really does hurt at tims. I wish it could be reciprocated I understand how you are feeling. I have just gone through these exact feelings of being there for others and it not being reciprocated. I had gotten sick and no one knew because they never called. I always made the effort to connect with everyone I know and it really does hurt at tims. I wish it could be reciprocated

]]> By: s fan http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-485 s fan Thu, 15 Jul 2010 07:21:10 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-485 If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little

]]> By: Me http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-458 Me Thu, 08 Jul 2010 05:16:41 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-458 My Maha, You treat me with huge and addictive importance, you give so much of yourself in simple things when we're together, and you inspire answers and decisions in me! There is nothing such as "giving too much". Never. Not when real friends are involved. I am sorry you might have been made to feel this way.. and I wish I could be with you right now.. Actually, I could.. What are you doing these days?? Even at my worst, you make me feel like an unparalleled queen who deserves the best, which actually makes me really want to be that person that you see in me. Even with parents and siblings - thank God-, friends are family to me.. I expect my family to be a family, and I'm almost always disappointed... There is just something magical about finding random strangers who cross your path and somehow become unmovable mountains in your life. Babe, you are my friend and sister and I adore you beyond reason or condition. I am just sorry that we aren't in the same city, but you know that I'm just two steps behind ;) xooxo me My Maha,

You treat me with huge and addictive importance, you give so much of yourself in simple things when we’re together, and you inspire answers and decisions in me! There is nothing such as “giving too much”. Never. Not when real friends are involved. I am sorry you might have been made to feel this way.. and I wish I could be with you right now.. Actually, I could.. What are you doing these days??

Even at my worst, you make me feel like an unparalleled queen who deserves the best, which actually makes me really want to be that person that you see in me.

Even with parents and siblings – thank God-, friends are family to me.. I expect my family to be a family, and I’m almost always disappointed…
There is just something magical about finding random strangers who cross your path and somehow become unmovable mountains in your life.

Babe, you are my friend and sister and I adore you beyond reason or condition. I am just sorry that we aren’t in the same city, but you know that I’m just two steps behind ;)

xooxo
me

]]> By: One Female Canuck http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-452 One Female Canuck Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:52:15 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-452 Anonymous just above me - I called you and left you a voicemail yesterday. I hope you received it. Thank you to everyone for your advice...and for the warmth of your comments. I think sometimes we fall into patterns of seeing / communicating with one another that, when the pattern changes, it can be misread as a change in the nature of the friendship itself...when it in fact isn't. Anyway, the only way to find that out is to find the courage to ask, and hold your breath until you receive your answer. :) Thank you. Love you all. xox Anonymous just above me – I called you and left you a voicemail yesterday. I hope you received it.

Thank you to everyone for your advice…and for the warmth of your comments.

I think sometimes we fall into patterns of seeing / communicating with one another that, when the pattern changes, it can be misread as a change in the nature of the friendship itself…when it in fact isn’t.

Anyway, the only way to find that out is to find the courage to ask, and hold your breath until you receive your answer.

:)

Thank you. Love you all. xox

]]> By: BB http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-392 BB Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:54:48 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-392 one more thought.. sometimes we move away from a friend because we feel we we are no longer good enough for them not because their friendsip is not good enough for us. We do not tell them and choose to hurt them and hurt with them because it hurts a whole lot more to admit our own failure or unworthiness.. one more thought.. sometimes we move away from a friend because we feel we we are no longer good enough for them not because their friendsip is not good enough for us. We do not tell them and choose to hurt them and hurt with them because it hurts a whole lot more to admit our own failure or unworthiness..

]]> By: Austin Lisa http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-386 Austin Lisa Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:09:33 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-386 Friendships can be complicated...multi-layered, if you will. Those layers can be confusing to navigate sometimes, just as much as in any other relationship. Maha, you are by far one of the most special people I have ever had the good fortune of meeting and counting among my friends. I think your greatest strength is your greatest vulnerabilty --- that is, the openness of your beautiful heart. You will come across people who are incapable or unwilling to give of themselves as much as you do, as you know. But I think the joy you experience, living your life, showing your passion, loving what you know is worth loving is too precious to let yourself get jaded. Don't change too much! I love my Maha as she is. Also, I think there are friendships and relationships that simply run their course and have a shelf life. Which isn't to say they didn't serve their purpose or have value, they are just part of our journey. Maybe that is different from what you are experiencing, I dunno. In any case, I love you, sweetie. And I'm sorry someone has disappointed or hurt you. xoxo Lisa Friendships can be complicated…multi-layered, if you will. Those layers can be confusing to navigate sometimes, just as much as in any other relationship. Maha, you are by far one of the most special people I have ever had the good fortune of meeting and counting among my friends. I think your greatest strength is your greatest vulnerabilty — that is, the openness of your beautiful heart. You will come across people who are incapable or unwilling to give of themselves as much as you do, as you know. But I think the joy you experience, living your life, showing your passion, loving what you know is worth loving is too precious to let yourself get jaded. Don’t change too much! I love my Maha as she is.

Also, I think there are friendships and relationships that simply run their course and have a shelf life. Which isn’t to say they didn’t serve their purpose or have value, they are just part of our journey. Maybe that is different from what you are experiencing, I dunno. In any case, I love you, sweetie. And I’m sorry someone has disappointed or hurt you.
xoxo
Lisa

]]> By: Nadya http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-385 Nadya Mon, 28 Jun 2010 02:10:42 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-385 I believe Maha, that you can be mistaken about friends, and once in awhile, you form a friendship with someone which should end. When that point comes, you will know. It will always be difficult because you have invested yourself emotionally, but it is still the right thing to do. For yourself and that friend. I also think any person deserves to know in honesty why your friendship is ending and given a chance or two to put things right by you. There are tests of friendship in life. Real friends will always pass knowing what to do naturally. The effort is there because they want it to be, and you will feel valued because they know how to reciprocate your affections and efforts. Some people don't know how to do this, and you are likely wasting your time. These people aren't ones you should feel hurt by, it really is their loss. I believe Maha, that you can be mistaken about friends, and once in awhile, you form a friendship with someone which should end. When that point comes, you will know. It will always be difficult because you have invested yourself emotionally, but it is still the right thing to do. For yourself and that friend.

I also think any person deserves to know in honesty why your friendship is ending and given a chance or two to put things right by you. There are tests of friendship in life. Real friends will always pass knowing what to do naturally. The effort is there because they want it to be, and you will feel valued because they know how to reciprocate your affections and efforts. Some people don’t know how to do this, and you are likely wasting your time. These people aren’t ones you should feel hurt by, it really is their loss.

]]> By: One Female Canuck http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-384 One Female Canuck Sun, 27 Jun 2010 22:07:12 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-384 Thomas - that is exactly what I plan on doing...from everyone, in fact. Not just those who I feel believe there is bottomless friendship here - when there is not - but from everyone. A little spring cleaning a little late. Anonymous - Always with the spot on words of wisdom, shukran. I wouldn't miss your sense of knowledge anywhere :) I know that you too have dealt with this. It SUCKS. My girlfriend N sent me an email with the same sentiment as your "it feels horrible to find yourself in that “alone zone”, the zone you never let your loved ones go to" (which I love so much - because we really don't ever let our loved ones get into that zone, do we? Never. We ruin our own days to make sure they never make it there alone, and keep reminder that there is always someone alongside them). Unfortunately, for me, this is a little more complicated - I don't need anyone to see me through anything right now...I am feeling, simply, less friendship reciprocated than I put out, and so am going to pull back from everyone. Not the greatest thing to do, but I'm doing it. Whoever reaches out will be a cut above the rest and I'll deal with them on a one-on-one basis after that, inshallah.... I'll call you this week...xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Thomas – that is exactly what I plan on doing…from everyone, in fact. Not just those who I feel believe there is bottomless friendship here – when there is not – but from everyone.

A little spring cleaning a little late.

Anonymous – Always with the spot on words of wisdom, shukran. I wouldn’t miss your sense of knowledge anywhere :)

I know that you too have dealt with this. It SUCKS. My girlfriend N sent me an email with the same sentiment as your “it feels horrible to find yourself in that “alone zone”, the zone you never let your loved ones go to” (which I love so much – because we really don’t ever let our loved ones get into that zone, do we? Never. We ruin our own days to make sure they never make it there alone, and keep reminder that there is always someone alongside them).

Unfortunately, for me, this is a little more complicated – I don’t need anyone to see me through anything right now…I am feeling, simply, less friendship reciprocated than I put out, and so am going to pull back from everyone.

Not the greatest thing to do, but I’m doing it. Whoever reaches out will be a cut above the rest and I’ll deal with them on a one-on-one basis after that, inshallah….

I’ll call you this week…xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

]]> By: diaper bags: Room Seven Blue Robot Dog Diaper Bag http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/2010/06/friendships-taken-for-not-enough/comment-page-1#comment-383 diaper bags: Room Seven Blue Robot Dog Diaper Bag Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:01:48 +0000 http://www.onefemalecanuck.com/?p=962#comment-383 [...] Friendships taken for…not enough | One Female Canuck [...] [...] Friendships taken for…not enough | One Female Canuck [...]

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