One evening, my uncle decided to run out and pick up some movies. Fool that I am, I decided to join him though it was freezing cold.

And slippery.

I linked my arm through his because he’s a big strong man who would block the wind from my face, if I positioned my face just so behind his shoulder and let him lead. I didn’t foretell that the freezing cold would turn my uncle into some sort of a deaf guy who had to run rather than walk. And I’m sure I mentioned it was slippery, but just in case I didn’t: It was fkn slippery.

Standing by the side of the road, in sub 30 weather, with ice wind in our faces, my uncle took the unilateral decision to bolt across the street while screaming “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

Which could have been a lot of fun, as I would have responded with the Chariots of Fire‘s theme song, only it wasn’t, and I didn’t. Because I was too busy trying to loose myself from my uncle’s hysterical bicep grip, after which the jaws of life were fashioned.

As soon as he stepped off the sidewalk and on to the street, I slipped and my feet started to scramble and fail me into an upwards position. I kept calling his name, at one point looking up at his face, distinctly noting that he was smiling. In hindsight, I believe his face was just frozen.

It was a strange subtle fall committed behind my own back, with my knees going quiet and my feet suddenly both behind me instead of being properly beneath me. Obviously, I blame my uncle.

He was running. With me attached to his arm, bumping along sideways because I couldn’t pull my feet up fast enough. I was also 23, so it’s not like I was a small child where this sort of thing could go unnoticed. (Couldn’t he tell he was dragging my full weight?)

As I was being dragged across the street, I kept repeating “I fell,” but my uncle was ignoring me and smiling that crazy frozen smile and just running away from nothing.

Thanks God, he stopped running when we reached the other side of the street rather than heading straight for the movie store. After realizing the trauma he had inflicted on my knees, he ceded full film choice control my way. Then he bought me a cheeseburger and an ice-cream.

Residing in Dubai, I imagine that sooner or later, he will give one of his gorgeous daughters sand-burn as he runs across the street for a kebab.

Fin.

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