Already mentioned, this trip to California was planned some time back, but turned out, in the present, to be perfectly timed. At home, I have been challenged in the most surprising ways. Truth told, this trip to California saved the most precious part of me — she who is always willing to dive headfirst into a moment even when she knows there will be pain, and until that pain no longer builds a foundation but rather shatters what little of one there may have begun.
Here are the six primary things of which California reminded me…
She reminded me that I am far more resilient than I remember until I am forced to see this resilience in action when facing some sort of an emotional c/ntpunt to the chest.
That I wear a tan shockingly well, and that my natural state is not pink, but rather almond and red.
That there is no situation and no truth (or lie) which can break me unless I give it explicit permission to do so and not one — not one — has that permission, because I have far too much self-worth in my back pocket (and a heart which listens to the Universe when she speaks).
That nothing will f/ck my shit up more than a sleepless night and a lack of kale chips, and for eight of the last ten days, I have slept through each night like my life depended on it.
That there is no state which is permanent, but rather it is the ones which clog our arteries with tears and raw sewage that most cleanly teach us just how incredible every single other aspect of our lives lived remain. Especially when incredible friends send emails with words such as “You are life and joy and trust and love.”
Finally…I have always written and tried to live by the one small belief that I am built to live in extreme shades of bright colour rather than muted tones of pastel. I have never believed that we are placed here to live in half measures, and that unless friends and lovers can meet us at the zenith of this living, they may be welcome to the formal outside shell of us but never to the core that to many who do not understand this sort of living, it would be like lava. And so California, she reminded me just how deep this need in me runs; that living and functioning inside of a live volcano is what I have always done best, and it is in these moments when I am most satiated and most aware of who I am, what I will allow into my life and what I will cut out.
Thank you California for your piercing clarity of vision, and for taking the time to remind me of my worth. May you extend this grace to everyone reading this.
See you soon, my love.