I believe it is the best case scenario of relationships, and I believe that it is achievable beyond the scripted screen.
My friend asked me this same question and so I am clocking it here, for the record: I do, unequivocally. This from a girl with little experience with men, and so little reason to be bitter and jaded.
Yes: That means that I believe the more I spread myself’round, the less I am able to give, because I am not built for spreading around. It also means that I believe there is only sorrow for the hearts who begin and end in a state of fear from being hurt (again); the ones who have been hurt enough that they have then chosen to shut themselves off to the possibility of something bigger and better — doing both a disservice to themselves and all of those willing to love them as ferociously as they both deserve.
To those of you who have sadness in your hearts, then may you always find the strength to at least work super hard to lift the sorrow because this lifting is not easy. It is also not impossible, but it is an active choice to choose better for yourself. And always, always, you should choose better.
It may be the reason I have held out for so long. I don’t wish to settle; I know that no one is perfect, but believe with everything in me that there is someone perfect for me, in my eyes. They will very likely not be perfect in the eyes of my friends or my family, but that’s not what matters, is it? We don’t need either family or friends to love our partners, but they must respect and welcome them when we have made the decision to let them live in our hearts. (Equally, the one you choose will have to respect those closest and most important to you.)
At the end of the day, this is the individual who will be my rock and who will help me across, and this is the individual who will pull me together when my parents are gone, and they will also let me rage when my friends are being less than amazing.
They will be my family. First and last.
They will be my best friend, and the love of my life. Above anyone and anything else, this is who they shall always remain, even when I really very strongly dislike them.
Most important, they will also be the ones to give me the space I need to live as an individual because the only way I know how to belong to another is to belong to myself first.
I don’t believe that love like this is unattainable, and I don’t believe it is a fairy tale. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe there is one person for whom we should and would place everything on the line (marry them); one person for whom we will break all of our own rules and try all of the new things (marry them); one person with whom we can talk about absolutely anything without fear of judgement (marry them); one person with whom we can fight and still know in our heart that we will be alright as a team (marry them); one person for whom we will always — above everyone else, children included — make time; one person who we know as well as ourselves because we pay attention to their moods and their triggers and their weaknesses and strengths, and we know when they are hurting or uncomfortable or ill at ease without them having to say so; and, one person alone who will always set my face to blush with one very specific look that I, and I alone receive.
I can actually hear some of you rolling your eyes.
The good news there? You never have to worry about being with a woman like me, because women like me are built to fall for men like us. Men who also believe in the fire of love at any and all cost; men who share our thought when we look at each other and consider How in the world did I get so lucky?
Originally written and published during the summer of 2012. Re-posting as a gentle reminder to myself.