As to what can be done now, in your present situation: the good news is that you are not powerless and she has not yet asked for a divorce. Though you can not force her hand, you still have the ability to control your own behaviour. Your first move is to understand on what stage you are currently standing. To do this, you will need to ask, and then be ready for an extremely long and painful road to a healthy situation (healthy if it ends in divorce, or healthy if it ends in reconciliation – aim for healthy in both instances if not for yourselves, then for the two children implicated).
Comments here closed; all (private and public) comments welcome over at Chai Latte Diaries.