The Shaming

I was reflecting on a few important points of which we far too easily lose sight while inside of the grieving process, so jotting them down as much a reminder to myself as to you, so many of whom are clearly going through your own recovery –

everything you feel is valid. Every feeling is a step forward, including and maybe especially the ones which feel like you are in a free-fall backwards. Meaning, even bad days are days forward, since we all know though need reminding that healing is not linear.

Most critical point is that you please never ever shame yourself for anything which you feel. We all use such harsh language when speaking with ourselves, so this one is the toughest one on which to keep an eye. Write it on a note if you need to, make it your screen saver, scribble it on a mirror with lipstick. Whatever you need to do to remind yourself of this, please do it.

Shame places us in a state of paralysis. It stops us from reaching out and saying I’m sorry; of reaching out and asking for help; of reaching out and being responsible for the pain we caused. It’s the feeling which makes you hope you never see that person again. Makes you physically cringe and turn your shoulders inwards. It’s the fuel of avoidance, and healing is its exact opposite.

Next you begin to shame yourself for feeling any one thing while you are grieving and healing, please remember to be as mindful of the language you use when speaking to yourself, as you would were you to be giving a beloved your advice.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. The knowledge that my girlfriends would stage an intervention if I was any kind of addict. (Who knew that this would one day be a thing on which I would reflect, though.)
2. Tea time & hugs with Jenn. It’s just such a toast of kindness and warmth.
3. Midday falling asleep on the couch beneath huge fluffy blankets.

Paris | March 10, 2019

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