We watched a cute little rom-com tonight to celebrate awful and unrealistic love stories. Though entertaining, not enough that it’s name is worthy of mention.
I’ve always believed, though I love them, that rom-coms are one of the reasons we are in trouble romantically. While this genre might contribute to a false sense of what romance ought to look like, does it really do so more than the ending of every fairy tale that is ‘And they lived happily ever after’? And if I’m going to blame rom-coms for the shit-fest of so many relationships, what can I write about modern-day Instagram and Tinder, both of which provide a false sense of never-ending choice?
Setting aside Tinder, I’m only touching on Instagram which has the most chill women in my life rolling their eyes. Each and every single one of them has, at different times shared how awful it feels to see their man, or their possibly man, liking pictures of other women on Instagram. (You know who doesn’t think it’s such a problem? Other men. Except. If your woman feels like it’s a problem, then. It’s. A. Problem. And if you’re a dude dating women, and the women are finding it a problem, then maybe pay. Attention. I’m speaking in hetero and looking at men, but this stands for non-hetero relationships and women equally.)
Me, unequivocally, I know that I don’t want someone whose online swiping, and liking, and either sliding into, or having his DMs slid into. This is, in part acknowledging and respecting my own comfort levels, while also recognizing that in Islam, we are specifically directed to remain respectful of our own interactions with the opposite gender both for our own sense of self-respect and protection, and equally, to respect and protect our partners. This extends into the virtual world. (Here, a worthy reminder that the leading rules of thumb in Islam between partners are rahma / mercy and sutoor / protection.)
A man’s Instagram behaviour has, for myself and most women I know, become a marker. And from experience, it is a worthy one to which we ought to pay attention. Which is why, the men with whom I have dealt since last summer have been absolutely lovely, and none of them have any kind of social media footprint.
After so much time not respecting or asking for what I need to feel peace, alhamduliLah that it feels right to place myself on the path that bring only peace to this heart.
Today, I am grateful for:
1. Palestinian grilling. Ranoosh is a master and nothing beats our Gaza-marinade. That we feasted is an understatement. Because after we feasted, we extra-gluttoned on kunafa.
Ottawa | Day 260 | August 17, 2019