Category Archives: Clumsy

Crazy has a season

And that season is summer. I have been completely lethargic and uninspired lately; short-tempered and arguably maybe a slight-bit-but-just-a-little-less rational than usual. Me, I thought it was because I can…

That time I fell and then was dragged

One evening, my uncle decided to run out and pick up some movies. Fool that I am, I decided to join him though it was freezing cold. And slippery. I…

Fluffing towels & thieving quarters

.1. I was walking down the street last week thinking how lovely and homey Ottawa smelled…just like my perfume Miss Dior. I also noted how gracious fellow pedestrians were in…

Starfish with protruding bottom

Proper climbing, you should be flat against the wall, much like a leech, using your legs to push up and your arms merely to locate and hold on to the…

Grocery shopping is the devil

There are several reasons why I don’t grocery shop on a regular basis. For your consumption, here they are. (a) I am constantly drawn to the Check Out By Yourself…

‘Twas the night before Ramadan

And all through the house, not a something-something was stirring, not even a mouse. Then, Maha decided to go downstairs. Ensuing conversation: “What was all that noise…?” “I fell.” “Oh…

Ferocious men are sexy

.1. Christian Bale in The Dark Knight. When he’s in the interrogation room alone with The Joker. And he looses his sh*t on The Joker’s ass over Rachel’s whereabouts. I’m…

Testing Newton’s Laws of Motion

As with many other (physical and otherwise) movements in my life, I walk fast. Due to this tendency, I sit here in a much disgruntled state with a slightly fatter…

Secretly wishing someone would "mist" Dr. Phil

.1. My body is still hibernating. It sees a potato and angels start singing. .2. A “Bacetto” chocolate is not a Baci chocolate. They are both made by Perugina and…

The Cave of Spastic

Right. Ok, well, what follows is a simple rule of thumb for those of you who live here. If ever you feel the need to draft an email to someone…an…

Liquid Dyslexia

It has taken me some time, but I have perfected the gas nozzle “clip and pour and don’t spill and stop right at the $.00 mark”. I do not spill…

My mug does funny things, what does yours do?**

This entry is also known as: WATCH OUT, IT’S HEP C! .1. While sitting in class and drinking from my coffee mug I started to hear whistling. It was a…

Lugeu-ing into قصي خولي (Kosai Khouly) and catching something (anything & everything…)

.1. I’ve quite nearly finished defining categories for this blog, creating two more this very evening: Feminism & قصي خولي / Kosai Khouly. While sorting through all previous entries, I…

Bring it, Charles

This evening, I came home to Charles. We live in La Bohème and do nothing but sit in cafés and visit with our voisins. Et ça veut dire que nous…

Skinny gummy trollops

.1. If you are a boy over the age of zero you should neither own nor ever contemplate owning ‘skinny’ jeans, unless your name is Sid and your girlfriend’s name…

On Getting a Wedgie

I’ve never received a wedgie before today, and although this may not be the definitive ‘wedgie’, I pray it’s as close to one as I’ll ever come. A door gave…

MI4: The Maha Factor

This entry comes from my recent ‘activity’ in an outhouse where, due to the height of the toilette seat, I was forced to scale the wooden bench of the toilette…

Mumisms

I’ve noted a few interesting phrases and words used by my mother. Feel free to adopt them at your peril. For fun, throw them into random conversations and then see…

Problems encountered…

…while speaking: – For an approximate minute and a half during a meeting, I couldn’t pronounce ‘loose’. I kept saying it ‘lieu-se’ as in ‘in lieu of’. When I concentrated…

Tap. Tap.

I was arrogant last week. I was arrogant enough to believe I possessed the proper motor skills to open a door. So confident was I in this capacity, that I…

In Typical Mahanese Fashion

I’d never – not at any point in the approximate past 18 years – noticed how far off the ground the bus step was. Until today. I wasn’t looking down…

Don’t Do It Alone

This a.m. I was wandering the streets of this great City alone on my way to work. I thought of the following two particularly funny situations: (1) the first time…

Not Quite A Bag of Tricks Up My Sleeve

.1. I’m back and at level II. I can do a pretty mean speed bag. And “no”, my wraps aren’t red. .2. Eep! This will be held against me, I…

Dancing Dwarves at the Dentist

My mouth is numb. I’ve just come back from the Dentist and am a wee bit giddy because the right side of my bottom lip is frozen and it feels…

Disaster

As if the chocolate pudding weren’t enough… I am in my black leather high heels, returning from a meeting. In between towers, I am walking relatively fast because I have…

Swinging Doors

.1. I’m not taking a hiatus because – WOW – I received way too many emails of concern (most of you, I’ve never met). This is so sweet…and I feel…

Foam-covered Pipelines

At work, I park my car in an underground garage. There are some relatively low pipelines (all of which are covered in soft foam) under which I have to walk…

Another way to meet a boy: Hit him

Unlike the last two experiences which took place in shopping zones, this one took place in a coffee shop. It was also typical of my asinine and completely clueless behaviour….

How to meet a boy

If interested in meeting a boy, I strongly urge you to use one of my two favourite tactics: a) Throw something at him; or, b) Spill something all over yourself….

Dropping Notes

.1. As mentioned yesterday, you can now add “drop it” to the list of items that describe how I live my life. Two mornings ago, I was standing in Tim…

Tripping (Pt. 2)

As promised last month, here is the story I referred to as The Time I Fell Right Outside of Foreign Affairs and Landed in the Bushes and Nobody Cared. I…

I made it cry

I met a very happy and fat little baby this morning, the offspring of a colleague. I played with it a little and made it coo and laugh and giggle….

Brushing Notes

.1. If using an Oral-B power toothbrush for the first time, what follows are a few pointers to ensure your safety. For those of you unfamiliar with this product, it…

Cinematic Notes

.1. Eid Mubarak – Inshallah this next year will bring peace and happiness to your families and across this little earth of ours. .2. Have been reading about the Knights…

Tripping (Pt 1)

In yesterday’s RPN I alluded to my hazardously clumsy nature. B recommended that I post what happened to me recently at the office because inevitably, that would put a smile…

Personal Notes of Self Discovery

Have had a unique few days past where I learned a lot about myself. Yesterday evening, I had an even more interesting and stimulating interaction…one which complimented the last little…