Prolific Immigrant

This morning I was seated next to a baby bundled up in a blue snowsuit and singing Frère Jacques. (The baby, not I.) My trip into work made me revisit the following High Security Incident that transpired many years ago.

Aged four and while in kindergarten, my teacher had us sing Frère Jacques. When done, she asked me to sing it alone and in front of the whole class.

I remember this as though it were yesterday. I smiled and began while clapping and swaying.

Beaming with pride (because I was the only one who was singled out), I sang at the top of my small not-yet-grown-to-size lungs:
Fray-row Jaack-uh!
Fray-row Jaack-uh!
Vous lay vous!
Vous lay vous!
Suh muh leh mateen-ah!
Suh muh leh mateen-ah!
DING! DANG! DONG!
DING! DANG! DONG!

I remember distinctly because I still sing these exact lines today.

Teacher asked me to stop singing and told me I was “wrong”, to which I threw my 1 inch fist into the air, palm facing her, and declared “Like hell I am, Teach! ALL POWER TO THE PEOPLE!”, only it came out “why?” and I began to cry.

Amidst the great confusion and my young black civil rights tendencies, all other pink, white, olive and brown babies located within the same room followed suit and also began to cry.

The over-emotional one of them – a little Whitie from Poland – ran over and hugged me (I often wonder what’s become of him whose name I can’t remember; he was my bff and on to the freezing cold ground we would place our 2×4 towels side-by-side when it was time for the teacher to have a cigarette break nap time. Bunch of fat babies laid out like beached dwarf whales, forced into REM).

Anyway. I was an Arabic baby and we’d arrived in Canada that same year. My mother tongue was Confused Arabic and the Teacher should have recognised that my effort was enough instead of singling me out for a “wrong”.

To my “why”, Teacher never responded and I stood dissolved. Until now, I don’t know the proper lyrics to the song and I’ve created an auditory block whereby I don’t hear those proper lyrics even if they’re being shouted directly into my ear. Worse still, the incident is – I am certain – the cause of my mental collapse re lyrical ability, something of which I was reminded this morning.

Nearly 32 years later, I stand by Suh muh leh mateen-ah!, if for no other reason than the empathy shown by the little White Polish one.

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Aside no 1 re children’s songs: I used to sing London bridges falling down, rather than London bridge is falling down. The true lyrics I swear to you, I only discovered while in Dubai this past December when my baby cousin Ahmed sang it to me. I was stunned as I had no idea it was only one bridge rather than all of the London bridges. Brilliant, yes?

Originally published 08/01/25.

I originally wrote the following on Dec 6, 2006. They still hold true today, and I am reminding myself of them as much as I am reminding you of them. A few new ones have been added along for the ride.

.1. Be good to your parents, especially your mama because she’s got God’s ear.

.2. Stop complaining and before you roll out of bed, learn to say ‘alhamdulilah’. It means Thank You God. Even if you don’t know whether or not you believe in Him, just do it.

.3. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because this is one of the least attractive characteristics in an individual (I took a recent poll all over the world and 99.9% of the respondents agreed with me). It’s as unattractive as long toenails. Also, see point no. 1 above.

.4. Not everyone you meet in life is going to like you. Deal with it, already. (And if you’ve not figured it out yet, you’re not gonna like everyone you meet either, so stop being so self-centered.)

.5. When you someday have a family of your own, never leave single friends alone during any of the big Holidays. You’re an a**hole if you do and Karma is going to find you alone and crying into your sad single-serving turkey sooner or later.

.6. If you have them, don’t take your human rights for granted. For those of you whose “mood is ruined” when you hear about another People’s pain, you need to smarten the f*ck up immediately. Compassion isn’t a sport, it’s a way of life and if you can’t live it, then you’re some sort of creep.

.7. Stop envying what other people have; Envy is a disease. You don’t have ‘it’ because you weren’t meant to have it or because you didn’t work hard enough to get it. If it’s the former, then you’re better off without it, and if it’s the latter, then shut-up and start planning the ‘how to get it’ phase of your life. Also, see points no 1 & 2 above.

.8. Floss your teeth. Dentures are never sexy.

.9. Remember that nothing is ever “too good to be true.”

.10. Forgive them even when they don’t apologize.

.11. F*ck up every now and then because it’s the only way you’ll learn.

.12. Don’t discuss your intimate dealings with those who don’t tell you theirs because, chances are, they’re just not into that sort of sharing. Give people only as much as they give you in terms of confidential conversation and save yourself a lot of time (much better spent elsewhere).

.13. If you have to hurt someone, find the nicest way possible. See above note about ‘Compassion’.

.14. To the best of your ability, don’t put yourself in a position for which you’ll have to apologize later.

.15. Learn to apologize like a child because they’re among the few who really mean it when they say it.

.16. Do you want something? Then stop f*cking talking about it and start doing what needs to be done in order to get it. I can honestly tell you that there’s never been one thing that I’ve wanted badly and with every part of me that I haven’t eventually had…and that’s not because I sit at home and dream about my potential ‘if only’. (Alhamdulilah.)

.17. Be patient because one day, your time will come and someone won’t have patience to deal with you and you’ll understand what kind of di.k you really were when you ‘just didn’t have the time’.

.18. Be humble and get over yourself, already. You’ll be a lot nicer and that can only be a good thing.

.19. Remember that you’re never the exception to the rule because life will be so much sweeter when you are.

.20. When you love someone, love them unconditionally and without fear.

.21. Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome. Mean it, too.

.22. When someone calls you, or emails you, or texts you, have enough manners to respond you stupid git.

.23. There is a very fine line between compassion and enabling. That line is in fact a loving conversation.

.24. Meet Alex O’Loughlin and give him my number. Please and thank you.

.25. To quote my baby cousin: Do your best, and leave the rest within God’s hands. 

Few city nights are as sexy as a humid summer evening in Montreal. Add a little Zeppelin to this mix and you’re golden.

In this City, I have always found that there is no urgency in action and no reaction that isn’t slightly languid. On summer evenings, this turns everything sensual.

More warming is that, for the most part, no one is shy in their displays of affection.

Watching couples walk by, I couldn’t help but wonder What is it that draws and then keeps people together?

I polled my friends, both male and female.

Almost certainly, all answers began with something akin to “sexual chemistry, obviously…”

When I asked what that meant, no one could go beyond the words “physical attraction, obviously.”

Beyond my immediate distaste for the word “obviously,” I started thinking about sexual chemistry. The reality is that there’s absolutely nothing obvious about sexual chemistry. That it is ambiguous never really occurs to anyone, but rather, they focus on its necessity.

And, it is most definitely a necessity. I don’t believe that anything long-term can transpire if there is no immediate and almost caustic sexual chemistry. It won’t happen all too often in our lives, it may only happen a number of times; it goes beyond visual appreciation and reaches into something much more palpable. The more urgency there is in that initial explosion, the more likely the relationship will at least begin on the right path. Where it will end is anyone’s guess.

If it were a means of physical attraction and nothing more, then we’d be drawn to thousands of individuals in our lifetime, no one in particular standing out. No one unique creature to whom we keep returning, at least in our thoughts. 

I can’t imagine that sexual chemistry is only about wanting to tear one another’s clothes off as that seems relatively pedestrian and a little bit of a bore.

At the sake of sounding like a hippie wanker (this hurts me more than you), I think what’s key is to look for a certain energy in which you want to be enveloped. If you’re any level of mature, then you should be able to read the energy of the person in front of you; if you find yourself poised, relaxed, attentive, attracted, intrigued and wanting to share in that energy then don’t let that person walk away from you. Also, don’t be a rapist.

Ultimately, it’s that energy which makes people stay together: The ability to work through one another to reach our individual as well as our combined potential. And since we can never reach our complete potential, that process is unbroken and takes the suited lovers with it. Always.

Note: I believe in deep and great true love. Deeply bitter wanks incapable of opening their hearts to the potential vulnerability of great love will likely call me naïve…a label I am quite happy to wear because better here than in their blackened and petrified hearts.

(05/07/19)

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.1. Would love to hear your definition of sexual chemistry (email if you are too shy to comment). Additionally, dl Natacha Atlas’ Something Dangerous and listen to ’Quand je ferme les yeux’ before any of the other tracks.

.2. Image courtesy of the incredible jeremymasonmcgraw.com

The essence of political rap, courtesy of Freeway and featuring Amir Sulaiman, Ayah, The Narcicyst, and Omar Offendum. This is as badass as it gets.

Comments closed.

.1. I have a dreadful fear of all things crawly, but for fatso babies. For this reason, I am completely freaked out about the ant infestation we have in Ottawa this summer. Enough of a sense of freaking out that I am dreaming about them. Dreaming that every time I slip my foot into a slipper, an ant is waiting to attack my foot before making its way up my ankle.

.2. Firmly convinced that the best and only way to wake up in the mornings is to have a Dance Party. Among the songs to which you must get down seriously (like a serious loser) is 38 Special’s ‘Caught Up In You’ because HOLY does that song get your loser feet moving. That and Santana’s ‘Hold On’. (You’re welcome.)

.3. Dear Ryan Gosling.

I really shouldn’t have to say more than your name, but I will so no one misunderstands me.

I wish to marry COACH ERIC TAYLOR (HI! I miss you!); steel and steal Taylor Kitsch for affairs; and grapple with Vampire Eric. But then there’s you. Suddenly. You with your squinty eyes and that curved mouth? You make me want to push you into dark corners and down dark alleyways.

Hi mom!

Thank you…

Maha

.4. Someone recently told me my heart was too big; that no matter how angry and hard I could be…my heart somehow always won out.

I was staring at them thinking (1) nice hair; (2) does this place sell cupcakes; (3) do I need to reapply my lip gloss?; is *my* hair nice?; and, (3) ameen.

Team Big Hearts!

.5. No 4 presenting the perfect segway to: If you have a tendency to pout and sulk because you don’t get what you want, then you’re a fantastical loser who needs to get over themselves and understand that this world and those within it aren’t here to serve your entitled sense of self. Also, you should probably remember that adulthood isn’t about playing in the sandbox, and therapy helps. True story.

Go East Dillon!

Are you watching yet?

Also, download Revelry by Kings of Leon.
This song, like Friday Night Lights, breaks my heart every time. It’s also one of the very few songs that makes me wish for a boy with whom to dance.

Comments closed.

I am, at the moment, getting down to Gogol Bordello‘s:
Underdog World Strike
Illumination
Immigrant Punk
&
Wonderlust King

…as well as Man Man‘s:
Engrish Bwudd

Only download if you’re interested in a feast for your senses, please.

Comments closed. Now: Dance.

…and just kill it with their guitars.

Download:
Guitar Shorty‘s We the People.
Alejandro Escovedo‘s Real Animal.

Download in their entirety.
Trust.

It’s been some time since I’ve done this, and I’ve not yet tagged all older groove recs, which I’ll eventually get around to doing. For now, you should know what’s been cranked around me because his angel voice inevitably forces me to wipe away tears that tumble in secret: Ben Harper’s Diamonds On the Inside.

Sorry for typos; am once more en route (to elsewhere) and pinging this from bberry.

I pulled the attachments; sorry the second was a little wonky – I seem to have trouble posting attachments. If I can figure it out, I will repost…as for the girl, simply youTube Connie Talbot and listen to her – she has the voice of a little angel. I cried both times…x

Updated to add: Please make certain to read the comments to this entry. Thanks.