Starfish with protruding bottom

Proper climbing, you should be flat against the wall, much like a leech, using your legs to push up and your arms merely to locate and hold on to the strategic power spots you intend to reach.

Unfortunately, I chose to climb first time ever with ass out and in a hysterical panic. I used my arms to pull myself up, as my knees locked and with my pale face pressed firmly to the climbing wall. The entire scoot upwards, I contemplated my imminent death in a plastic diaper (*harness).

At one point, both my legs may have been at 90 degrees from the rest of me, while I still jutted my ass outwards.

I mean, it was terrible.

Proper descent, you should lean back and assume a seated position. As your spotter lets the rope ‘out’ you must descend by slowly pushing yourself (bouncing gently) off the wall.

In the interest of comedy, I descended much like the way I ascended. Instead of assuming the seated position, I full throttled the starched starfish, thereby forcing my spotter to bring me down as though I were on a fishing rod. Because I was so scared, I kept bumping into the wall on my way down. With my face.

Happy weekend!

A not-so-funny version originally posted on: 06/03/24.

Image courtesy of Winthrop.