I have recently been struggling with something I have never before dealt with. It is a very deep, visceral, and unkind reaction to someone I don’t know. This is a difficult thing to admit when I work so hard to always keep my heart as free of ink-stains as possible.
I have never been arrogant enough to assume that we can know everything (an arrogance which can never coincide with believing in God), and am respectful of the reality that around me, the women on both sides of my family have always been able to tap into things otherwise unexplainable.
For me specifically, it is dreams and intuition. Never, once have I ever been misled by either. Never. I actually can not make the statement any stronger than this, only because I can not find the language to do so.
On the dream front, I have it strongest of all the women in the family, and this has never been terrifying for me on any level, even when the dreams are giving what I don’t wish to receive.
As I have touched on before, but have not explained in any great detail, there is a very serious and deep dream interpretation tradition within Islam. When I dream, I pay very close attention to the message. Equally, when every bit of my body tells me to be on guard about someone, I pay even more attention, and always I have been thankful for the guidance and protection. I ignored these things when I was younger, and learnt the hard way that when the Universe is yelling, it is foolish and dangerous to put on my earphones.
Forget about the circumstance of how I came across this individual or what I know about them. Suffice it to say that they are not someone I have met, they do not reside in the same province, and they are neither dating nor married to someone I care about, so the chances of ever coming across them is next to none.
However, here’s what my body tells me about her: she represents everything I stand against. She is someone not to be trusted. She is someone I would never want around my partner. She is the sort of woman to whom I would never turn my back.
This time, the ‘on guard’ is so magnified that it is making me physically nauseous. Whenever I come across this particular individual, my insides turn themselves inside out, and I am having great difficulty locking this shit down. Because I don’t think I actually should lock it down, because I believe there is a reason I am meant to be extra vigilant about this particular person’s presence. Even if I don’t foresee meeting this person, I imagine that this guttural thing which is happening is because our paths will cross sooner or later. And when they do, my signal is to be wearing a full suit of armour and seated inside of a tank with several snipers on the surrounding buildings.
Social networking sites have suddenly become a c/ntpunt.
And now you know I may be part (what North American contemporary culture would call) witch.