Preamble: There are instances where it is critical to love oneself more than the other party, including but not limited to abusive / violent relationships; in the spaces where our need to preserve (and sometimes even survive) must trump all else. That’s not what I’m below discussing.

She said “It’s not that he didn’t love you […] It’s that he loved himself more.”

Have you ever loved a narcissist? I would wager my publishing contract that more women than men reading are shaking their heads yes.

In fact, I see it all the time. Primarily, I see it amongst women – women who cut from themselves in an effort to stitch into their lovers. Women who give and give and give, and then somehow find more of themselves to give, while they are faced with men who only take, who engorge themselves on the receiving.

Look. I’m not saying that there aren’t men who also give (because I too believe in unicorns). What I am saying is that it is more likely, nine times out of ten more likely that it falls to the shoulders of women. Be it by choice or circumstance.

That our softness can neither be depleted, nor does it require replenishment from an outside source.
That an empty heart can be filled.
That all hearts are soft, and so when we give and give and give, there will come a day when we might stop giving.

These are the lies shoved (primarily and almost exclusively) down the throats of women.

My concern now is how do we unlearn this before we skewer ourselves on these lie? And if not us, then our daughters.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. Jennifer. Full stop, Jenn.
2. Isabelle. With every new conversation, we learn that we are / have shared the same experiences but across different timelines. It is a little creepy, but a lot welcome, to have a woman I respect so deeply share so very many of my own experiences.
3. Breaded and fried chicken. Like my gratitude for Jenn, this too is a full stop.

Paris | March 12, 2019

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