The Self-Care

I’m slowly seeing all of my girls. Today began with a near six hour catch-up with J over far too much coffee and too little food, and ended with three hours with Nat, pictured above. A pretty fine day.

Our dates are rarely short, and conversation can be, but isn’t usually, fluff (though always with laugh out loud context); rather, we deep-dive and challenge one another to do so. Things aren’t really worth discussing otherwise.

Like today with J, the woman with whom I deep-dive most regularly and vice versa. We are notes takers, agenda writers, lessons learned, takeaways, and next steps kind of broads. We don’t experience things passively, but choose to instead undo them in order to understand them, and do our best to not rinse and repeat. Sometimes it takes a few tries; always, we are there to remind one another when we lose sight of that on which we need to focus.

For example, one of the threads which kept weaving itself throughout our time together today centered on self-care. Both of us are so good at self-care when we are single, but we are shit at it when we are in a relationship. It is our nature and default position to set aside our own needs, so that the needs of the other are met. In the past, it has only been when we are completely depleted that we are able to stop and pull back. With some work and effort, this is a pattern I changed before the last situation with which I became involved, her before she met the man whom she would marry. (He, being the closest to me of all of my beloved’s husbands, my clansman 100%.)

With that awareness of one another, we discussed what we each do to ensure our health and well-being when we are single and healing from any kind of conflict or pain. I named: prayer, safe-spaces with beloveds, and alone time to reflect and write. The natural next step in our conversation then focused on how we would each make certain that we continued to respect these very personal needs when we are sharing time and space with a partner.

Again, because we are nerds about such matters, she had a pen and paper in hand while I was jotting notes down on my mobile. Though the conversation topis was not light, it was throughout peppered with hysterical laughter. Most especially when recollecting the ridiculous stories of both our men of ago.

At one point, J stopped and said God, I haven’t had a conversation like this in sooo long and this feels sooo good.

As equally, when I look into the faces of these beloved women, it feels sooo good to be home.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. The love and light of female friendship. It sustains and keeps me when I cannot keep myself. These women are truly each their own mountain of blessing in my world.
2. Babies and their drumstick thighs.
3. Public transportation. Years back, I made a conscious and political decision to not have a car, and I am so grateful that I have stuck to this commitment to myself.

Ottawa | May 1, 2019

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