The Altruist

Always talking, I am. They are visiting from Istanbul, where they’re situated for two more years. When dealing with last summer’s situation, I had an extensive conversation with Ryan about transitioning to our office in Istanbul (where the situation lives, remember?). Hahahaha!

My God. I am so many lives away from last summer that it’s difficult for me to comprehend how that was even a part of me. It was so natural then for me to start laying the groundwork for such a colossal move, though it did not at all feel colossal.

Every once in a while still, it crosses my mind to leave Ottawa permanently. Not really certain to where I would go, only that it would have to be sea-side. Until I walk past one of the many stunning views in this City, and I ask myself Why would I ever want to leave? Stunning, isn’t it? Really, and absolutely stunning. Presently, The Cloud Cave is an approximate 7 minute walk from this canal. In future, I plan on moving closer to this water; the intention would be to wake up and see it without leaving whatever home I find myself in, inshAllah.

At leas that’s how I feel today. This feeling, it is one of the 2,063,814 feelings which I have felt in the last 12 hours. Some examples of other feelings – I could happily leave Ottawa and never return; I don’t need to be someplace seaside; everything is so miserable; my God, my life is amazing; everything needs to change; I am so blessed, alhamduliLah; and, everything is perfect as is. Just PERFECT.

Unhinged would be an understatement.

Thanks to Jenn & Fatoomy for confirming that indeed the stars and moons and suns and skies hate us because Mercury Retrograde. Please feel free to inbox me any information about what more mania I might expect these coming days, thanks.

As mentioned yesterday, I’m doing bits & bobs of circle-backs to topics touched on earlier but never fully addressed. Today’s topic is that though we live each of our own stories, we are not always the center of the story we live.

Because we tend toward a relatively self-involved perspective wrote the girl with a site dedicated to herself, we all too often read that people come into our lives, in order to help us grow; we are center-stage, while they are contributors. Rarely do we situate ourselves as the minor character contributor to their story. Especially if they have harmed us. Ohmygod, especially if their harm to us was the impetus for their change to better.

Now. Imagine embracing a world where we learn to accept that we will sometimes be shredded and traumatized and beaten down so that someone else’s heart may heal and grow and be protected and cared for and loved?

Essentially, a world where we didn’t make our pain only about our growth alone, but rather about the collective growth of humanity. (Not being responsible for it, but rather open to it completely and totally.)

I can hear you yelling at me. And I get it: because whytf should someone else’s growth come at the cost of my own pain? Here are your choices — decide for yourself:

A) Wishing someone ill — which breeds resentment and bitterness and fills your heart with poison and you become annoying and no one wants to hang out with you.

B) Wishing someone well — which breeds love and warmth, in general. Just look at the hippies, who are often so v happy, and usually v well dressed.

C) Being indifferent, like a sloth of spirit. It means not taking the time to think and to consider and to engage. And when given the choice to expand or shrink your heart, I will always vote for the former, and all its extra leg-work.

People wank on about altruism always, but very few people understand that within this concept is a weight which we must share with grace (and for which we should not require the exchange of funds). Crazier still is that we may never know how our pain helped someone else. And yet, to be closer to altruism, we must choose to accept this possibility with open arms. Even when we are drowning within our pain.

Repeatedly, I have written that the choices we make define the overall essence of our character. The logical extension to this is that such choices represent our world view. If our world view is an altruistic one, or if we are aiming to make it an altruistic one, then we must at some point accept the above flip-side to our pain. Undoubtedly, it is not easy — least of all when we are choking on the muddied swamps of hurt — but it is definitely a standard worthy of pursuit, but only for those of us interested in self-improvement and evolution.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. Music. I can’t carry a tune to save my life, so extra grateful for those of you who can and do.
2. Oceans. I am terrified of what’s in them, but love their calm-making (even when they are raging).
3. Educators. Where would we be without you?

Ottawa | Day 220 | July , 2019

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