The Love Yourself Bullsh*t

I wasn’t planning on going for a swim in my jeans, but this is what happens when you have an infant toddler between your legs, who suddenly decides to just go for it. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for when I lowered Baby Zed’s little feet into the pond, most definitely, I did not anticipate she would start running forward as though she were some kind of bank robber getting to her getaway car. And by bank robber, I mean that her diaper was loaded. I had a blast watching her enjoy herself and paddle her drumsticks strong and true, Little Zed.

While in the car on a call (before I started driving), I was sliding through Instagram when I came across Ghaida’s post. She wrote “…and this whole business of ‘you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself’ is BS and oppressive“, and I HELL YES’d out loud. Ghaida’s rooted her piece in the greater context of societal disconnection “from our communities, our families, our place in the world” due to “colonization, settler-colonialism, economic marginalization, deportations, the prison-industrial complex, slavery (name your own misadventure)”, arguing that it is only through connection with our own (his/her/their) stories, can we then grow in love. Make sure to take a read and to reflect on what she has written.

My theory is complimentary to what she has written. For those of you who have been reading me long enough, you know that I too think it’s a bullshit notion that we have to love ourselves enough on our own, if we are to have a healthy next loving relationship.


Because it is through experience of unhealthy love that we become disconnected. We are fragmented by, and at the hands of others, when connected. Why then are we expected to re-fragment on our own outside of connection?

From such fragmentation (inside of community, as Ghaida reflects; inside of intimate relationships, as I reflect), we often develop unhealthy behaviours either to cope or to self-preserve; and while I believe that there is individual work that needs to be done by us, on our own, we cannot love healthy but through connecting healthy. Meaning that at some point (and at the sake of being a broken record), our theoretical work needs to be put into practice for us to fully develop and love to our greatest health and ability possible.

And for those of you killing yourselves to be perfect on your own, so that you might find a perfect love, do remember Leonard when he sang –

Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack, a crack, in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.

Godspeed, chickens. Godspeed.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. Sunshine. We had a 25 minute walk back home, so my jeans were at least semi-dried by the time I placed a towel in the car for the drive home.
2. Surprise Facetimes with women I love. Seeing your smiling face made me very very happy, Ms. K. ❤️ 
3. Grilled corn. Though I didn’t have any, momma enjoyed it quite a bit, and I was made happy by her enjoyment.

Ottawa | Day 227 | July 15, 2019

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