Maha Monday Column: (New) Marriage counseling

black-couple-unhappyAt Chai Latte Diaries, a newly married woman asks what she should do when her husband won’t let her join his alone marriage-counseling sessions. On his own. By himself. Without her. Single-like. I investigate To Marriage Counsel Alone Or Not To Marriage Counsel Alone?

…please recall that our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing on him) often performed the function of what we would today call a ‘Marriage Counsellor’; both for individuals within a marriage, and to couples of that marriage jointly. Now – the guiding principle of the Prophet (pbuh) in this role was always to find bridges and common ground, to find the intersection of where love lives among couples. In the event that his individual counselling is taking him down a different road, then remind your husband of this truth within our Faith. Also, gently remind him of one of the simplest and most elegant expressions of what a relationship is meant to be, according to the Quran: “And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you” (30:21).

This does not mean live in silos. Or dismiss the needs of your partner. It does not mean that your husband should be making unilateral decisions, but rather the exact opposite. So, while he is free to seek individual counselling to *help* with the marriage, he must equally be involved in *joint* counselling with you, also to *help* your marriage.

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