The Woman Wanting

“YoU doN’t NeEd A MAaAaAn.”***

Listen. Let’s get something straight, aside from how incredible Iranian breakfast foods are. In fact, Iranian all-the-foods.

You can be whole as an individual, while still seeing an emptiness outside of you on the chair next to you, and thinking how nice it would be to have an ass in that chair that is not your mom’s. Why the fuck is this such a hard concept around which to wrap our minds? Further, why are women always told that they don’t NEED a man, when they say they WANT a man?

When a dude says he wants to find love, do you think anyone says “yoU doN’t NeEd A WooOMAaAaAn.”

My guess is very very very rarely do men hear this.

So please. Love of all things good. PLEASE stop and think before you 1) assume that we NEED, in the sense of being incapable of living without; 2) really, essentially, shame a woman for expressing what she wants; and, 3) assume that we feel incomplete, when all we want is a teammate.

Just. Stop it. Because if I roll my eyes any harder, they might get stuck in my hairline.

***Most certainly, there are two elements that are a part of the narrative against which both men and women are coming up – for women, it is throwback to an era when we were not allowed to want anything but a man, so there is (arguably) an over-compensation. Further, in terms of hetero relationships, men benefit far more than women because women coupled with men die younger, while men coupled with women live longer. Loosely translated, without women, many straight men die of loneliness and / or a lack of attention to their health. So yeah. There are nuances worthy of a PhD, and I am too annoyed to get into them. You’re a smart audience, reflect on this paragraph and come up with your own theories. Place them in the (Instagram) comments or inbox me privately if you are too shy to make any kind of public declaration. (If you’re going to say some dumb shit, like #NOTALLWOMEN, please stop and go do your research first. Also, of course not all anyone, you fundamentalist weirdo.)

Today, I am grateful for:
1. All friends who introduce me to single men. I know there is fear there, should things not work out. But trust me – you are angels for so doing. Angels.
2. Swimming. The 40°+ is really lovely and all, but I’m going to soon start pushing infant toddlers out of their pools and crashing them.
3. Finding myself back to a normal emotional space where I am no longer so raw in pain that I cannot consider even the possibility of an emotionally challenging conversation. This has been my headspace for a while now, and it’s confirmed the truth that the healing is complete alhamduliLah.

Ottawa | Day 233 | July 21, 2019

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