The Necessary Play

I play a lot. All of the time. Do you?

It’s my gateway drug. I find it weird when people don’t play.

My cousin’s husband got shot yesterday while he was going to the store, with his cousin. G@za. He is awake and conscious; inshallah, he will survive this. He has two young daughters.

Playing is my balance. It’s how I express love and adoration. I am safe and healthy here, and the world is my oyster. I have everything to look forward to. I am as excited about this world as I am shocked by how awful it is. I am deeply curious about everything I like, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My intimate circle knows that if I stop being curious about a thing, it means that I have let it go; I am no longer interested. I don’t know what’s around the corner, but I know I will be grateful for it. I will be excited to have experienced it even if it shredded my insides. There are lessons everywhere and everything is a blessing.

This is faith. It is Faith. Everything happens in service of me, not to me.

Convenient? Of course it is. Faith is a crutch. And I am wobbly in this world.

I have food. Shelter. Clean, potable water. I have my mind and my heart, I have my kindness and sense of humour. I have my intuition, and I take care of, and am tended to by people I love. What reason do I have not to play? What reason do I have not to be excited about tomorrow’s adventure?

I don’t play with people I don’t adore and trust. I don’t show that side to everyone, but those who adore me and those who tend to me see it all of the time. I can be exhausting, if you can’t keep up with me. I have a lot of energy and time for play, so people need to be at level.

When I can’t play, you’ve known about it; that’s how rare it is. Even in my deepest sorrow, I will find a way. This is as much a promise to myself, as it is an ask of God.

It’s the laughter. It’s always the laughter.

Someone has repeatedly said to me What do you mean by happiness? It’s a word you use a lot.

I mean balance and peace, which I believe can only come from both living in this moment only right now, and possessing the openness of committing to accepting with an open heart everything that tomorrow will bring.

My People are being slaughtered, and starved. We are being demonized and hunted. What the else am I going to do but fight everything in this world that is not rooted in laughter? In softness? In excitement for what’s next? In love? Always, that’s what it boils down to, innit? Love.

If I play with you, it is a testament to my adoration of you. It is an expression of I dig you. I want you to stay. I am showing you the little girl inside of me because I trust you enough not to harm her.

If I belly-laugh with you, I am safe with you. If I am making you laugh, I am safe with you. If I am poking at you and shoving you over because I’m laughing, it’s just another way to hug you.

I am so grateful for the kindness of space which has been afforded me. It is not unnoticed, ya Allah.


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