Visits with Baby Jane

Baby Jane was giving me ‘directions’ as thus: “Go South – that means down the hill, towards a clock tower, Maha – blablabla” because she knows that directions confuse me to no end, especially when people get all technical and start using big words like North and West.

In preparation for the weekend, we were emailing back and forth lines such as: “YAY!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! Less than 24 hours and I get to see your beautiful face!”

“Just come up to the building, say ‘Baby Jane’, I will hear you and I will come running to see your gorgeous face!”




“You mean, love,

Pretty strange sh*t, I know. But Baby Jane is the only female in whose lap I could put my head, have her play with my hair and be completely comfortable. Furthermore, she’s the only one of my exquisite friends who I have actually tucked into bed, and whose hair I’ve stroked until she fell asleep because she’d had a rough day. No one questioned her when saying “Maha is the best person to play with your hair! It’s how I got to sleep!”

She’s also the only one with whom I share a strange affection for poutine, with chili powder and a little mayo. (You did read that right.)

Anyway, I’m excited for this weekend both because I get to hang out with such a spectacular woman, but also because I also get to hang out with her mum, whose coming over tonight in order to get caught up. Janey’s mama is a first class woman who shares my Crack fetish and who raised Janey with the rule “no boys on the second floor”, as well as all of the proper lady-like guidelines of etiquette pertaining to hosting, guest-ing and general “tips and tricks every woman should know”.

When Janey first moved to Toronto, she was living at home with mama in the heart of Toronto – we would breakfast every morning on the little iron patio that sat off the kitchen and which overlooked the massive backyard, and the drop off into nothing but green. There are only a few such places in the centre of Toronto, this being one of them. Mama always had a full breakfast and a pot of coffee at the ready for us.

As for Toronto itself, I’ve not been back since a relatively psychotic weekend of partying in September of 2005 at the Toronto International Film Festival. The night Janey and I were together was the night we met Morgan Freeman and LL Cool J, the night I found out that Dylan McDermott was a little short, the evening I hung out with Kim Coates and made fun of people, as well as the first evening I was petitioned to be the third to a threesome and laughed so hard at the proposition that the retarded and likely disease-filled couple thought I was crying.(1)

We’ll see what happens this weekend…but before I go, I strongly recommend you download the acoustic version of “You’ve Placed A Chill In My Heart” because Annie is a queen.

Have a warm and shiny weekend!
(1) Update: Janey and I are both convinced this is false and that I have, in fact, been back to Toronto since 2005. The only thing of which we’re certain is that it wasn’t in 2007. Strange, how our collective memory sucks.