“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stupidity is missing your stop on an express bus with huge distances between stops.”
On Blackberry Messenger two nights back I received this while already in bed, and laughed so hard I had to sit up to escape choking.
You know her as ‘BB’, often writing here with always insightful and thought-provoking commentary. It was she who pulled me out of my last slump and busted my ass back in to the normal world; a busting of ass from which I remain in a state of Golden.
I have hesitated to write about BB because – although she is a very well-respected and revered public figure – she shies away from accolades. But today, she’s just going to have to suck it up and accept the accolades.
Three years back, I was seated on a Greyhound, much like Billy Joel, only instead of staring at the Hudson River, I was weeping in to my mobile telephone and typing out: “Will you be my Breakup Buddy? This book says I need one, and I can’t feel my heart anymore and I am terrified.”
She accepted without hesitation, folding me in to her arms and space both metaphorically and physically, as one day soon thereafter I found myself seated on her living room couch, shaken by the density of my tears, incapable of catching my breath. She was the only strength I could find, and she placed her arms around me and held on until I found my air.
Again, let me gently remind you that she is a public figure; an extremely busy individual with an unbelievable demand on her time…and I? I was a complete f.cking write-off. I was the very definition of drama and pain and hurt, anger, and confusion. I was both a bewildered asshole and no doubt bewildering beyond measure – as that is the flip-side to so much passion, that nothing is ever felt in small measure, but rather great overtures – metaphorically running into wall after wall after wall and then asking “where did this wall come from?” and yet, and yet, and yet, there was not one message she did not return; there was not one email to which she did not respond; and, there was not one question, the answer to which she did not have, slamming it into me in varying degrees when I wavered in my belief that I was ever slightly less than what I am and what I bring to those around me.
Honestly, how she didn’t at some exasperated point say “Are you kidding me still with this sh-t?!” is beyond me.
Simply put: She was my saving grace.
She remains one of the strongest pillars in my world, someone to whom I turn when at a complete loss, when I don’t know my head from my ass, when I am standing in the middle of a street curious to see what will happen when it reaches me, the massive truck barreling my way. (Also, she’s my number one ‘go to’ re Faith matters, along with my baba.)
Some time back, she moved across the country as a lucky organization was smart enough to scoop her up, and so we no longer have dinner a couple of times a month; this reality bringing with it a degree of heartbreak for me, though we see one another as often as we can either when she is back home or I am visiting her side of the Country. Still, my fevered mind feels her gentle cool hands through Blackberry Messenger and that satiates much.
During our bbm conversation two nights back, she also wrote how ‘the return on investment on people was for shit’ (I am paraphrasing; she did not use ‘for shit’ because she has more class than I), as I guess those with whom she has come into contact are…well…you know, assholes. Sadly, I couldn’t agree more; there are very few individuals in this world worth our time and real and serious energy (take this very seriously coming from a woman with an infinite world of friends, and for less than five of whom she would go to the ends of this earth).
BB, however, is not among those whose return is ‘for shit’. In fact, she would be the Platinum standard within the stock market, and I am blessed to call her a friend and a confidante. (Erm. I really hope that ‘platinum’ has a high standard, since my knowledge re stock markets is thus: there really are a lot of arrows and bright lights and bells.) As per those who are ‘for shit’…well…you all know how I feel about assholes, and so will not pollute this open letter of love and friendship with opinions on assholery.
BB, I hope I never disappoint or hurt or give to this friendship any less than everything you have so graciously bestowed upon it.
You are loved.