I believe in the possibility and potential of love, experienced through the unspoken pull of bodies toward one another, shock-waves physically lit up making us incapable of maintaining eye-contact for too long, blushing and blustering through words, walking too close to one another, standing too close to one another, bodies pulled into the nooks and curves of those before them, invisible strings of sexual tension, compulsion, and promise – every pair having their own language, distinct and learnt only when we allow ourselves to touch the other.
Up until the first kiss, all of the above serves as oasis in the parched body.
With this, my preference has always been solitude over companionship for the sake of companionship. Though I will always go on a first date and even a second and rarely though sometimes a third, I am often quick to end matters if I am not finding myself deeply rooted within the expression of my above paragraph. And this expression, it is never subtle – which, I believe might be the point. It is extremely rare and I have learnt, one of the first signals that the man in question may be the one to cross all of the thresholds, but only when they themselves have signaled that they are a cut above the rest, that they are someone to be held in the highest regard.
Why? Because unless a man will render my already lush life a deeper shade of passion, challenge, interest, I prefer being a singleton. Last night, one of my beloveds and I were discussing her current situation, filled with pain and challenge. She became lost in the potential of my life as outlined above – open and looking forward to falling into a passionate love affair. She asked me what my ideal man looked like, and I found it difficult to answer on the spot. Instead, this is written for her and for my own clarity of mind. (She, by the way, as with all friends about whom I write, has granted permission re mention.)
It has taken me since last night to come up with the following 5 traits, a list updated and made a little more clear after 24 hours of very much discussion; this, a testament to something, but I am not sure what just yet.
I want someone not cut from the same cloth as most every pedestrian male encountered; I want the man whom I perceive as the best among them, the one who softens me and makes me kinder and gentler. I believe that it is all possible, no matter what the circumstance; impossible is not a word in Love.
Feel free to share your own lists in private or posted as comments below.
Editorial Note 1: As always, this above is written in Heteronese. Please place as filter your own sexual orientation / undecided whilst reading.
Editorial Note 2: The above is not a “checklist” or an impossible look at the future; rather, it is a look back at the loves of my life, and an articulation of the invisible strings which pulled me toward these very few. If you do the same, you will come up with your own not-impossible list.
Editorial Note 3: The items will change and evolve with every man and every experience. More than rigid truths, ‘ideals’ are evergreen and grow with us (I hope?!). Case in point – the original 7 have been changed, three chucked and one added over the course of heavy negotiations and challenge these past 24 hours. Which means, So basically, I am a 100% bona fide flake.
Thank you Fatoomi for the image.
kindness, integrity, sense of humor, pretty teeth, emotionally available: in that order. xo
emotional availability, humor, height, kindness, intelligence.
^dammit i forgot intelligence. Now ima end up with a half-witted guy who slobbers all over me and wears a permanently confused expression on his face CAN I HAVE A REDO??
First name, Ben….
funny, smart (which go together), can talk about his feelings, does not feel emasculated at female success, great smile.
Charming, witty, tall, smrt, has a name that rhymes with Bryan Mandress?
kind, generous (of time and spirit), emotionally present and (I don’t know if this is an attribute or just a thing) – chemistry. And funny. And knows his own worth as a man (which might be as a result of the above points – I dunno).
Oh! and one of my new first(ish) date questions is “tell me how you feel about Omar Khadr” (that covers the smarts, up to date on current events, critical thinking skills and where his heart is at).
Responsibility. In career, in future plans, in health, in freeeeaking cleanliness.
yeah, shelagh, can do his own laundry, can clean a toilet, and knows how to cook more than ramen. i’d like the paretns of the world to expect their boys to be able to do that stuff.
intelligent, expressive, well-read, generous, humble…pause…is “not annoying” a characteristic?
Kind, generous, at peace with himself, and madly in love with me lol
Sage, I promise that my boys will be able to do that stuff. I can’t promise the cleanliness, but can promise they will know how to clean up!
Emotional intelligence, positive attitude, able caregiver, shows gratitude
There are many things but the most important one 4 me as a good start is ( when I look at his eyes I could see his heart beating 4 me ) & when I ask him why do you like me ?….he would say : I do not know why ……
humour, independence, kindness, respectful, joyful
Either you or I – with men parts because we’re pretty awesome.
kindness, sense of humor, willingness to compromise, dependable, loving.
Intelligence, wit, and must be good to his mama (you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats his mama and/or sisters).
I like your list! Back to hope again. Realising it is possible. I had a discussion with my ex-H the other day where I said something that a year or two ago would have made him get defensive and bristly and possibly even lose his shit. And he looked at me and said, rather gently “that (situation) makes me feel hurt. Can you please continue to explain what you meant”. Blew my freaking mind. – The point being, all this stuff can be learned at any age.
maha can you expand on your points?
Not this time, Marcy. I am leaving the rest to imagination on purpose 🙂