The Letter E

It’s the last day of Ramadan. Wild, really, that a full month has passed, and I am officially halfway through my sabbatical. Again, how does time even work?

I didn’t sleep last night. Not a wink, in fact; I had to stay at momma’s and there is neither electricity nor water, and the house is basically bare bones so I slept with my bedroom door locked and a hammer next to me. At one point I heard a noise, so got up and headed directly for it with my hammer. I’m not sure what my intention was, but it was full of staight-up buffoonery. Drama really is my bedfellow, and it’s in the shape of an Ikea hammer, apparently.

From 8 until 5, B was on the premises cleaning and washing and dusting and scrubbing, and removing a million nails in the ground, in prep for Phase 2. The house doesn’t look as terrifying anymore, and the cleanliness makes all things appear more manageable. Here’s hoping.

Tomorrow is Eid al-Fitr, uhm, for many of us. It translates to the celebration of eating / breaking fast. It’s a good day to like sweets and receiving money from the elders. Though I am technically one such ‘elder’, because I am barren, I am still among those who receive monetary gifts.

When I was a little girl, I had a Strawberry Shortcake purse in which I would carry my entire eid stash. All change, and a few dollars here and there. I would swing that Strawberry Shortcake as fast and as loud as possible so everyone would know I was packing.

I was always such a loser; I’m surprised I didn’t smash myself in my loser face and take out an eye.

This year I’m not feeling the same euphoria as that felt at the end of other years – a sense that after fasting for an entire month, one can accomplish anything. I imagine this is because the house issue hasn’t allowed me to feel much of anything but itself these last weeks. It’s over, I didn’t really dive in as I would have liked, and so I’m a little sad to say goodbye, but grateful to once again wake to morning coffees and mid-morning coffees, and of course afternoon coffees and late afternoon ones as well. Just look for me in any and all coffee shoppes and pray I am not attempting to snort caffeine from a small shot glass.

Between the house mayhem and my last iftar with momma, I managed an actual shower and blowdry in record time. Primarily to be ready for Eid prayers tomorrow morning at 830am, partially to see the lovely Eugenie and Destine (pronounced Destin rhymes with Westin. I will NEVER UNDERSTAND THE ‘E’ DESTINE). I had 45 minutes and I made the most of them, rapid-fire grilling Eugenie on all things recent which I have missed. She’s only in town for a few days so I had to cut to the chase. Like speed dating, only with better results and more loyalty.

Discussion topics ranged from work to men. Eugenie has such a lovely and endless bucket of hope always by her side. It’s really so refreshing.

I had to place my Destine curiosity on hold until we brunch because Eugenie is in DC for the next couple of years, if all goes well. I’m excited to archaeology Destine’s life next.

Until then, be warned – my week is insane socially. I have another two girlfriends in town, one popping in from Afghanistan, until Thursday, then L is here for Friday, and J comes in from Paris Monday to Sunday.

There will be many selfies.

Today, I am grateful for:
1. Readers who continue to read even when my piece is as flat and exhausted as is today’s. My apologies that my source of energy is completely spent.
2. Having been able to complete my daily prayers while standing, when all I wanted to do was stay in sujood and fall asleep.
3. I have been saying prayers for someone whom I have not yet met, asking that Allah keep him, gently. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to share this with him face-to-face.

Ottawa | June 3, 2019

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