Rumi wrote: There’s joy in my heart: I have joined my lover tonight;
Finally free from the pain of our parting tonight.
As I dance with my lover I pray, oh Lord, in my heart:
May the keys to morning be lost forever tonight.
I have always loved both the sentiment and the drunk-on-Love affliction which he carried with him at all times, and about which he always wrote.
For Rumi, earthly love was the closest experience one can have to Divine Love; that our constant seeking out of connections with lover(s) is because in this world/dimension, we are cut off from the One who loves us deepest, hardest, and in most overwhelming and intense manner (while excluding the sexuals).
Most recently, I was at dinner with some friends and at around 2 a.m., we decided to discuss relationships and love and the juiciest parts of being a human person,
which we all agreed was a nice handful of a soft knead-able bottom. I put down the marker that one day, I would like to properly fuck off with my piece.
In an instant, I would. Leave Ottawa. Not see anyone but on Skype for at least a year, including my family. Have an internet connection to write and make sure Burger King has not gone bankrupt. Ideally but not necessarily, this would be in some sort of a shack on some sort of a body of water in some sort of hot country where there is no war. Also ideally, this place would not have humidity else I will be forced to run’round with a kerchief and/or a shower cap on the entire time lest insects catch themselves in my hair. On the menu would be fresh fruits, and a lot of fish. Candles in the evening, mostly — avoiding as much electrical light as possible, and computers and smartphone (if any are even in hand) shut off at 7.
Why technology off in the evenings? Because I hope that I will then be spending most of my time in all sorts of positions unbecoming a lady. I dunno if ‘inshAllah’ is in the right context here, but I’m talking about an honest and committed love, and not, like, “let’s get our gangbang ON, inshAllah.” So I imagine I am here v good with Allah. Which…
Hia! Love you!
Please ensure that Love Of my Life (LOL) comes with extreme stamina. Because I don’t wish to break him. Which I probably might. Please make him strong enough to handle me proper. Thank you.
My friends thought I was insane. Do you? Do you think this sounds amazing or completely crap? Presented with the opportunity, would you go?
Would you leave for a year and do nothing but love your hot piece of a/s, learn about them, solidify your composition with them, create your vision with them, figure out how to grow in the same direction with one another while still giving one another the space to grow in solitude?
Would you take a whole bunch of board games, and a few decks of cards, and share your secrets and hopes, fears, dreams, and a few tubs of ice-cream and also teach them to dip french fries in mayonnaise and to pour cumin over popcorn and wear only the most minimal of clothing?
Would you spend days sunk into too many cushions and blankets, drink coffee in bed, feed one another, laugh out loud when your lover makes a fool of themselves to make you smile and then rush them for the 6th time that day?
Would you tell them everything and understand that between you there is no room for judgement? Ever.
Would you do this away from all of the distractions around you as you sit, right now, today?
I would. In an instant.
Truth told, I could live this state forever if a man intrigued me enough, knowing full well that I am very hard to please and very few men have heard me say ‘yes’. And if this can’t happen today, I know it is where and how I will grow older. Living in Canada the rest of days is simply not in the cards for me; it will have to be shared between here and elsewhere hot with sand and heat and solitude. It is how I was raised, it is how I will end in this world until I — pray — get a backroom in the basement of Heaven.
Even if you think this makes me sound like a naive fool: I really and truly can’t wait for all of the amazing fun to roll over me
while I’m rolling around on top of the imagined male above, laughing and thanking God for the wickedness of a blessed life. InshAllah.
(Originally published 24 July 2012.)