For those of you who have lived here long enough, you know that I believe in the Friday Night Lights representation of Eric & Tami Taylor’s marriage.
I believe it is the best case scenario of relationships, and I believe that it is achievable beyond the scripted screen.
My friend asked me this same question and so I am clocking it here, for the record: I do, unequivocally. This from a girl with little experience with men, and so little reason to be bitter and jaded.
Yes: That means that I believe the more I spread myself’round, the less I am able to give, because I am not built for spreading around. It also means that I believe there is only sorrow for the hearts who begin and end in a state of fear from being hurt (again); the ones who have been hurt enough that they have then chosen to shut themselves off to the possibility of something bigger and better — doing both a disservice to themselves and all of those willing to love them as ferociously as they both deserve.
To those of you who have sadness in your hearts, then may you always find the strength to at least work super hard to lift the sorrow because this lifting is not easy. It is also not impossible, but it is an active choice to choose better for yourself. And always, always, you should choose better.
It may be the reason I have held out for so long. I don’t wish to settle; I know that no one is perfect, but believe with everything in me that there is someone perfect for me, in my eyes. They will very likely not be perfect in the eyes of my friends or my family, but that’s not what matters, is it? We don’t need either family or friends to love our partners, but they must respect and welcome them when we have made the decision to let them live in our hearts. (Equally, the one you choose will have to respect those closest and most important to you.)
At the end of the day, this is the individual who will be my rock and who will help me across, and this is the individual who will pull me together when my parents are gone, and they will also let me rage when my friends are being less than amazing.
They will be my family. First and last.
They will be my best friend, and the love of my life. Above anyone and anything else, this is who they shall always remain, even when I really very strongly dislike them.
Most important, they will also be the ones to give me the space I need to live as an individual because the only way I know how to belong to another is to belong to myself first.
I don’t believe that love like this is unattainable, and I don’t believe it is a fairy tale. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe there is one person for whom we should and would place everything on the line (marry them); one person for whom we will break all of our own rules and try all of the new things (marry them); one person with whom we can talk about absolutely anything without fear of judgement (marry them); one person with whom we can fight and still know in our heart that we will be alright as a team (marry them); one person for whom we will always — above everyone else, children included — make time; one person who we know as well as ourselves because we pay attention to their moods and their triggers and their weaknesses and strengths, and we know when they are hurting or uncomfortable or ill at ease without them having to say so; and, one person alone who will always set my face to blush with one very specific look that I, and I alone receive.
I can actually hear some of you rolling your eyes.
The good news there? You never have to worry about being with a woman like me, because women like me are built to fall for men like us. Men who also believe in the fire of love at any and all cost; men who share our thought when we look at each other and consider How in the world did I get so lucky?
Originally written and published during the summer of 2012. Re-posting as a gentle reminder to myself.
Mama, I would like to read an opinion on pornograhy
Forgive mama, no Friedman slip
The internet keeps correcting me incorrectly
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
I honestly love that this is what you post after that horrible painful story about the ring.You are amazing and you just get more amazing. XOXOXO -lily
From a bitter, cynical, albeit charming man, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Thank you, David. DON’T BE BITTER!!!! Please.
Yes! I agree completely.
I do have to say though, it is possible to jump several times, have your heart broken (and possibly break some), get up and still be happy and willing to trust, believing that everything can be new again.
I am super-ms. pollyanna 🙂
Just my black heart, the rest of me is sweet.
bitter tastes bad. happy is much nicer.
Wow! You express things like no one I know. I know you will find someone as iincredible as you and it will be worth the wait and it wil be exactly as u just described it, I know because I have it and I thank God everyday that I do. I love u you really made my day.
I believe that many many people are better at “jumping” and recovering faster than me. I am just not built like this — there is far too much intensity and recovery time when I have my heart’s ass handed to me. It fucking sucks, and I sometimes wish I were different, but have finally accepted and understood that this is a part of what makes me who I am; just like having the ability to jump more easily is a reflection of the lightness of another 🙂
(Who is Ms. Pollyanna??)
My parents were married close to 55 years – and they had what you describe. They were on a trip somewhere in their later years and an airline attendant asked if they were newlyweds – mind you they were in the 60’s or 70’s by then. Hard to live up to, though.
Zeina!! It is your first comment — I had no idea you read me. Thank you!! I miss you guys very much and your comment touched my heart. I have always loved your relationship with Khalo and always say I hope that I am someday as luck as you, wallahi! Please give khalo, the girls, and Ahmad my love. And get the girls to give you a very very hard hug from me. xxxxxx
CVC — How lovely and amazing. Now that I am 37, I know that the chances of me being married for 55 years are very unlikely…but I will aim for it, life-spans willing. I will aim for it every day with the right man.
This post has made me very emotional.
Someone please say something funny quick and soon…
McG s/be pantsless
When you figure out where those “men like us” exist, PLEASE promise to let all poor “women like us” know 🙂
Based on this post alone, I believe that we were separated at birth. You expressed what has been in my head for as long as I’ve had a head, especially when it comes to holding out and not jumping around. I also refuse to settle and, in the long run, I have been happier for it. I know that my best friend is out there and that the universe will bring him to me when it is time. I know the same will happen for you too.
Porn = not good. I believe it is devastating to women, and it rakes and very deeply fucks (pardon pun) the perspectives of those who watch it in terms of what they expect/how they behave. (Erotic fiction — dig it. The well written kind.)
Ah, there’s the line. Where does the visual tip the point into too much? And I get that the written word doesn’t involve others. What would you consider an erotic movie?
50 Shades of Grey?
Never read it, Loretta. Startedj had to put it down. Strong dislike.
David — women in porn are abused. Their bodies are abused; their minds and spirits, I would argue, are severely abused. They are women who 9 times out of 10 come from backgrounds and childhoods of extreme sexual trauma and neglect and so for me, it is the only thing I see when having viewed porn. It makes me sad for them.
I guess it’s more about violence and humiliation against women in general, except here it is manifest sexually. So the tipping point always begins and ends where violence makes its way into imagery, and humiliation. In the written word, too. I am not turned on by anything which falls into a an area where there is any of these things for either men or women.
As for an erotic movie….hmm…The Lover. And oddly, a creepy Billy Zane film called “Lake Consequence”…and all animated Disney productions. Cartoons are the biz-niss.