Note: Thanks to you all for the emails. Sorry I have not written back – I haven’t had much energy.
I have been in a funk of late and have not been able to think of anything worth writing. I am still in this weird little place of weak sunshine and am being gently pushed and pulled and nudged by BB to simply deal. One of the ways she gently prodded was by sending me a video that basically said “you’re alright kid – at least you have both arms and legs” and which had the desired effect of getting me to write again.
Several situations led to this funk, none of which are worth mentioning in detail. I wandered off for a bit, choosing to travel rather than deal; weird this because I have never been one not engaging in a necessary conversation. But this time? This time I was both too tired and too indignant to be bothered. (Sidebar: The sentiment “not bothered” does not have a long standing history in my world. As I am a Libra in Scorpio, I am equal parts asshole and kind, wrapped up in a whole lot of passionate. Ergo, I have a hyper-sense of justice and so when feeling wronged, my response is nine times out of ten extremely fierce.)
As expected, the travel provided a sense of ibuprofen relief and made for some excellent times away with folks I love.
I figured that I needed a way to strengthen just a teeny tiny bit the character of me that I loathe; the one who is affected all too deeply and painfully by the waves created from such above-mentioned situations. I don’t wish to be thrown for a loop as often as I am, like a weird little kid trying to put on her red lipstick, constantly being bumped from behind and smudging herself instead, turning around saucer-teary-eyed looking for the bumping culprit who is dressed as the Hamburglar.
So. How do I regain control over the saucer-teary-eyes?
Do something which forces me to reposition and swing in to ‘it’s all sensation’. (As I type, there’s a faerie sitting on my nose, clapping with glee.)
Ultimately, we have some control over how we react to outside situations – I may be a hard-ass, but I am not enough of one to bootcamp human emotion and flail about declaring we control ALL of our emotional responses, because we don’t (and I’m not entirely certain they would be called ’emotions’ if they were 100% controllable). We can dull our reactions, we can manage them and we can understand them, but sometimes pain is pain and we don’t know where it comes from or how to turn away from it. I think the trick here is to ensure that we don’t let that pain take over for extended periods of time or else some greater asshole will try to stick your lesser asshole self on happy-times-until-you-committ-suicide medication.
What was this something, then, that I chose?
I have chosen to do hot yoga every single day for six weeks.
I call it Maha’s Six Week Challenge because I lack imagination.
I am on day four and I am – thus far – loving it intensely. Strangely, at the end of every class, I find myself crying like a little pansie-person, and just discovered that this is not unheard of. Figuring that my body was starved for that kind of release, it was that class and that reaction which solidified my commitment to The Challenge. (Quite likely, I would have made it 8 weeks, but I am outside of Canada later in November and for most of December.)
I understand I sound a little peace-pipe-y here, and so will close by providing you with the following imagery. When in class, I am often flanked by Slippy, Snoozy, Grunty, Farty, Make-Up Is My Friend-y and I Like Brazilian Waxes-y. Slippy is the (undoubtedly lovely) individual who slips and either falls alone or takes down another; Snoozy snores every time we are either in Savasana, Child’s Pose or Cobra; Grunty can’t get through the Savasana without mimicing ‘I am moving a boulder with my bare hands’ in noise; Farty is full of escaping gas either of the slow & long embarrased or fast & poppy embarrased variety, followed by an “oh. oops.”; Make-Up Is My Friend-y shows up to hot yoga with a full face of make-up on, and walks out of class looking like the Character Clown known as Namaste (I just made that up); and, I Like Brazilian Waxes-y wears her shorts small enough that we all know just how she likes to party down there, and is partially responsible for Slippy.
xo kids, and thank you for your extended patience re my long break from posting
Image from The Seattle Times
How she likes to party down there. So funny…
HOOKER – I love you.
Glad you’re escaping the funk–thanks for letting us know. =]
Take care of yourself, Maha!
re: your hyper sense of justice… please see my facebook status made monday at 7:42pm. i think it may just be very fitting (and part uplifting) to your mood. this post rocked btw. glad to see healthy outlet to whats been repressed. sending some virtual love your way girl. 🙂
It’s the time of the year when we’re most introspective..libra :). *love*
Lovely post and funny, as always Maha.
Being a loyal follower, I have seen you go through this before though not often. You tend to shy away from writing, something which clearly gives both you and your audience so much pleasure.
What is it about not writing that helps? If it doesn’t help, then have you ever wondered about why you stop writing when in such situations?
Thank you for the laughs, as always.
Maha great to see you back and to see you brought some clowns with you 🙂 The video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnLVRQCjh8c hopefully said if they could do that with a missing arm or leg, imagine what you can do with a heavy heart? It worked and you jumped back into action, big time.. I can’t close my eyes now without imagining your Slippy, Snoozy, Grunty, Farty buddies, thank God my brain refuses to imagine waxy 🙂
Janey Janey Fo-FAY-nee – Love is all around, woman…xoxoxoxoxo
Clay – Thank you. Hot yoga is indeed doing the trick though running me ragged. Setting aside two hours nightly (when I never did) is teaching me a lot about time management 🙂
.e!manie. Thank you, beautiful girl. I saw it and laughed. It’s interesting you mention the healthy aspect – so many other options available would have simply made me more miserable…and angry with myself. TEAM HOT YOGA! (Virtual love caught, thank you, and spread around a little everywhere, copyright YOU.)
Ghadeer – It is, and I was braced for it. The yoga’s pushing all things down and out. Inshallah they stay the eff there until next year 🙂
Thomas – Thank you for you always continued grace. I don’t know how to answer your questions. I think I become exhausted emotionally and don’t have the energy *to* write. I tend to sift through shit in my head first, and when am near the understanding point, I put pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard. When in a funk, I do put pen to paper and work things out quietly and privately, rather than out here in the open. I know that’s not really an answer but it may be the closest I can offer xo
BB – Thank you, once again, for busting my ass out of the slump. You’re a Goddess!!
I am sorry I am giving you nightmares 😉
xo to all,