children are the future
couple

Maha Monday: Literally, how far would you go?

If you met someone who lived in a part of the world you had never considered moving to, would you cut your losses or would you pursue it and not…

mumma in law

Maha Monday column: Daughters-in-law

A Momma-in-law had hoped that she and her new daughter-in-law might become fast and intimate BFFs, but the daughter-in-law has very different ideas about family-in-law entanglements… “…the duties and obligations…

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Maha Monday Column: When your gut screams against marriage

At Chai Latte Diaries, a woman is caught between her family’s pressure to pursue marriage, and her gut’s panic to absolutely NOT. “Fun Fact! It is always hard to find…

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When exes message

I recently woke up to an email which read, in part: I fell in love with you the night H introduced us at Oliver’s and you argued with me about…

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Memories of Ago: To shatter, or not to shatter?

Very recently, I received some information about someone with whom I had once dealt. From a person unknowing about the involvement, so unadulterated, unfiltered details. The kind of information which…

mourn-tears

Maha Monday Column: Secretly mourning the death of a past suitor

At Chai Latte Diaries, a woman secretly mourns the death of a past suitor. A little at sea, she is uncertain of what to tell her husband and how to…

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Maha Monday Column: (New) Marriage counseling

At Chai Latte Diaries, a newly married woman asks what she should do when her husband won’t let her join his alone marriage-counseling sessions. On his own. By himself. Without…

inheritance

Maha Monday Column: Inheritance & the Single Daughter

This week, I was asked about inheritance laws and allowances by a single woman, the only daughter with two brothers: …your parents can in fact provide you with the inheritance…

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The Stand-Up Guy Part 2

For those who have lived here long enough, you remember him from the original post of 2008, because – oddly – I receive references about ‘the stand-up guy’ regularly from…

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Anatomy of a Healthy Break-Up

Preamble: I know it’s hard. We all know it can be crushing to recover from any ending, but we have all recovered. Each of us. We have all moved onto…

Maha Monday

Maha Monday Column + Video: What is ‘love’ and how do we lose it?

At The Chai Diaries, a man’s wife tells him she doesn’t “love [him] anymore” – confused, lonely, and worried about their children, he reaches out and asks what (if anything)…

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Maha Monday Column + Video: On being romantically rejected and shamed // Rules for a break-up

At Chai Latte Diaries, a woman gets shamed and mistreated for telling a man she cares about him. I think he is a knob-head who reacted disproportionately, and then gave…

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Maha Monday Column + Video: What is Gaslighting & breaking the cycle of shame

At Chai Latte Diaries, I am asked to explain what is ‘gaslighting’, one of the more insidious forms of emotional violence: The effects on the gaslightee are: – To doubt…

10Aug

Maha Monday Column + Video: When people feel good only by belittling others, women who are too “strong”, and having issues

At Chai Latte Diaries, a man belittles a woman for a reality entirely out of her hands, and she is beginning to internalize the gender-specific nonsense with which women must…

3Aug

Maha Monday Column + Video: His lukewarm interest & timing

At Chai Latte Diaries, a man kind of likes a girl. But maybe he’s not sure. Also, he might not be ready. Maybe. What should he do? If she is…

needs met

The State of Pretzel

Primarily, I process via collision course. I dive into an emotion head-first and then use blocks of logic to dismantle it. And by ‘dive’, I in fact mean face-plant. It…

Ramadan

I was asked: ‘Tell me about Ramadan’

  And I responded with a variation of the following. Because I talk too much. ‘Ramadan’ is the name of the month (like October or November) and the Muslim calendar,…

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bad dates

How to avoid the (most common) early dating mistakes

Three foundational notes: (1) Yes. We get that sometimes we all falter and we lose perspective and we are hurt and confused by a wo/man’s behaviour because we like them…

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Maha Monday Column + Video: When Friends’ True Colours Are Shady

At Chai Latte Diaries, I am asked for advice on an unwelcome and insecure-male-driven ‘love triangle’ as well as how to react to when our good intentions are maligned: This…

Trust

Maha Monday Column + Video: On Trusting Others

At Chai Latte Diaries, I am asked how to re-engage trust after our trust has had its bottom handed to it, by no fault of our own (or, as always,…

relationship economics

Relationship Economics

“Economics is the social science that studies production, distribution, exchange and consumption of goods and services, and the […] choices concerning the allocation of scarce means and resources.” “Don’t make…

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Maha Monday Column & Video: On sex & chore obligations

At Chai Latte Diaries, I’m asked about sexual and household obligations inside of marriage: (1) Islamically speaking, sex as mutual pleasure is (without coercion) an obligation for you and your…

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Maha Monday Column + Video: On missing chances & take a break from dating

At Chai Latte Diaries, a woman depleted asks how to take a break from the dating scene, and mentions something about how the grass is greener: You jump off the…

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Maha Monday Column + Video: Friendship after dating?

The Maha Monday series is now officially a video & column response, with this the first one. It’s grainy and has terrible lighting and I may have made up the…

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Waving goodbye, exiting stage left

A part of tomorrow’s MahaMonday column touches lightly on the subject of when we should cut a platonic or romantic relationship out of our lives. With my own Shut-Off Valve…

silent treatment

On Healthy Silence

Two things: (1) I am a Super Communicator and Clarifier. I go above and beyond the call of normal communication to make certain that the person before me is always…

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MahaMonday: Your spouse tells you they don’t love you

At Chai Latte Diaries, he tells us that she’s told him she doesn’t love him anymore. Now what? As to what can be done now, in your present situation: the…

rumors-are-no-fun

MahaMonday: Acting on rumors

There are a few rumors running around this budding emotional entanglement. What then? Here, I advise you to keep things simple and clean. I very strongly encourage you to ask…

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MahaMonday: 1st date awkwardness

At Chai Latte Diaries, she’s asking how to get past first date awkwardness: The most important response to your Qs however, is that you are not a fisherwoman and men…

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MahaMonday: On ‘fading’ (aka ‘ghosting’)

Dear Humans: STOP THIS PRACTICE. It’s gross. At Chai Latte Diaries, a dude whose meh about commitment has instead chosen to ghost on women. Repeatedly. He’s now looking to change…

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MahaMonday: Online dating & safety

At Chai Latte Diaries, a mansplainer tries to mansplain a woman’s safety away; I get into the perameters of safe online (and offline) dating scenarios: Always, the first three rules…

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MahaMonday: Islamophobia Is The New Black

At Chai Latte Diaries, I am asked how to deal with the recent hate-driven executions of Yusor Mohammad, Deah Shaddy Barakat, Razan Mohammad Abu-Salha, and Mustafa Mattan: The answers to…

motherhood

MahaMonday: Mothers & daughters

Because  mommas be crazy, this is a reminder of how we – their seeds – need to respond: I have been there. Often. I don’t know one daughter who has…

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The trauma of self-flushing toilets

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the epoch of stupidity, it was the epoch of my…

rishta aunties

MahaMonday: Match-making aunties & wedding season

At Chai Latte Diaries, I’m asked how to answer the world’s most boring and predictable answer (which is handed out to all biological and non-biological aunties at the annual Global…

terrified

“Vulnerability and Trust” (What are the two reasons for which I want to punch myself in the face?)

Editorial Note: This was written and published in 2013, but is as relevant today as it has been every day since. It has also been updated quite a bit to…

elderly parents

MahaMonday: Marriage & caring for elderly parents

A gentleman at Chai Latte Diaries asks me how to address the challenges of marriage while he cares for his elderly parents who live with him: From a Muslim angle,…

Women abused

MahaMonday: Love & abuse

(TRIGGER WARNING.) At Chai Latte Diaries, an incredible woman reaches out to ask about the end of her marriage to an abusive man, how to deal with her family who…